Anti JN (xjesper@dna.lth.se) wrote: : In alt.stupidity scott@microsup14.ucc.su.oz.au (Scott A. Robson) stated: : >Thats right, you don't sorry : Silly. RTFM: That's what I keep telling 'em. They never listen. : $ man curses Man, foiled again! : curses(3X) Miscellaneous Library Functions curses(3X) : ... : /^JN - Anti JN - Ludicrous. : -- : "Estimated time to .sig: 5 hrs 22 min 13 sec. Encounting." We're anxiously awaiting with bad breath. --Bill (who WTFM) -- wxwilki@lookout.ecte.uswc.uswest.com | To be is to do -- Hegel They're my opinions, not your's or | To do is to be -- Marx anybody else's (well, maybe). | Do be do be do -- Sinatra
wxwilki@borg.uswc.uswest.com (William Wilkinson) sneered: :papa@boi.hp.com (papa legba) writes: :: So I was sitting here looking at my knees-well, there :: they are, right in front of me, hard to miss-and it :: occurred to me that if the damn things were hinged front :: and back they'd be a lot more practical. For the :: total package you'd also have to have dual-hinged elbows and :: 180 degree neck rotation, but by Spatch, you'd never :: have to turn around. It'd probably be wise to center :: the ankles in the middle of the feet for proper balance, :: though. :You mean you're NOT built that way? Don't be so sarcastic, clone. Papa gave me the specs to build _you_. --Bill (though he forgot the tentacles and suction cups) -- Not Responsible!
In some bacon article Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> stated: >lod2@quads.uchicago.edu (john patrick lodder): > >:Available now at your local Wal Mart. Hey, they look good, and >:don't require tips. > >Once again, you've lost me. When was the Plasticene? Dunno, but isn't the practice perverted and illegal? >--Bill > >-- >Not Responsible! Me neither. /^JN - The Anti JN - The .sig's back!!! -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In some bacon article ataylor@nmsu.edu (Nosy) stated: ><In article <3vlm6q$8i3@news.nd.edu> gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime) writes: >< Ingredients: > >< 1/2 cup of sunshine joy >< 1 lb. cuddly snuggems >< 1 tblsp rainbow drops >< 1 tblsp super doodles >< A dash of fuzzy yum-yums > >< Mix together in large bowl, with tender loving care. Bake at >< 350 F until warm and squishy. Sprinkle with love. Enjoy! > > Um, what is this called, anyway? A recipe. /^JN - The Anti JN - The .sig's back!!! -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In alt.stupidity some zen person had the effrontery to ask: >Anti JN (dat92jni@bach-3.ludat.lth.se) wrote: >: In some bacon article ataylor@nmsu.edu (Nosy) stated: >: ><In article <3vlm6q$8i3@news.nd.edu> gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime) writes: >: >< Ingredients: >: > >: >< 1/2 cup of sunshine joy >: >< 1 lb. cuddly snuggems >: >< 1 tblsp rainbow drops >: >< 1 tblsp super doodles >: >< A dash of fuzzy yum-yums >: > >: >< Mix together in large bowl, with tender loving care. Bake at >: >< 350 F until warm and squishy. Sprinkle with love. Enjoy! >: > >: > Um, what is this called, anyway? > >: A recipe. > >What am I supposed to do with this concoction? Dunno, I always throw em in the bin after I've coocked them. Mind you, getting that desert into the bin was no picnic. /^JN - The Anti JN - The .sig's back!!! -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
At least I hope so. I'm here. /^JN - The Anti JN - On the job. Eh... The work I do for no money at all. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
...is the first letter in the alphabet. /^JN - The Anti JN - Probably bored. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
I just sat here, having much to do but unwilling to do it, and reminisced about the good old days. /^JN - The Anti JN - Yup. I'm bored. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
...is not two but could be. And not to mention too. /^JN - The Anti JN - It's real sure right now. I'm bored. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
...sun is rising, and it's morning. What the heck am I doing here... /^JN - The Anti JN - Bored out of his skull. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
...is not what I intend to be. I'd rather be naughty. /^JN - The Anti JN - Bored, bored, bored! -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
...Mack Pherson had a bod', I ay I ay O. /^JN - The Anti JN - Boooooooooooored. *sigh* -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
Those were the days, when the posts was spelled out in the subjects of multiple mails. /^JN - The Anti JN - Reminiscing. And bored. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
Anti JN (dat92jni@bach-3.ludat.lth.se) wrote: : In some bacon article Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> stated: : >lod2@quads.uchicago.edu (john patrick lodder): : > : >:Available now at your local Wal Mart. Hey, they look good, and : >:don't require tips. : > : >Once again, you've lost me. When was the Plasticene? : Dunno, but isn't the practice perverted and illegal? Pedantic porters with looking glass clones? Ross--who's picturing himself with a crueller in a coffee shop.
Ross Garmil (limrag@bu.edu) wrote: : Anti JN (dat92jni@bach-3.ludat.lth.se) wrote: : : In some bacon article Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> stated: : : >lod2@quads.uchicago.edu (john patrick lodder): : : > : : >:Available now at your local Wal Mart. Hey, they look good, and : : >:don't require tips. : : > : : >Once again, you've lost me. When was the Plasticene? : : Dunno, but isn't the practice perverted and illegal? : Pedantic porters with looking glass clones? : Ross--who's picturing himself with a crueller in a coffee shop. I'm tired of these obscene GIFs littering our noble newsfroup!! Take it away! Take it away! - Jeffzilla (I love the taste of play-doh in the morning... it reminds me of ... crayons.)
In <3vu4lu$6tn@sunburst.ccs.yorku.ca> yu123005@rufous.yorku.ca (Jeffery Shidei) writes: > > I'm tired of these obscene GIFs littering our noble >newsfroup!! Take it away! Take it away! Take it away... I wanna hear you say... till the lights go down... (down, down)... damn... sowry for that... obscure McCartney reffing problem... > - Jeffzilla (I love the taste of play-doh in the morning... it >reminds me of ... crayons.) "SHIT! This stuff tastes like ASS!" - my friend, Elaine, after I convinced her that Play-doh was non-toxic and that she should taste it... -Princess WhiteGoat
... a dear. A female dear. cagey -- who's even more bored than Anti JN
In <3vure5$nca@nic.lth.se> dat92jni@ludat.lth.se (Anti JN) writes: > >...is the first letter in the alphabet. Only if you go in alphabetical order... >/^JN - The Anti JN - Probably bored. Princess WhiteGoat - who prefers to have G as the first letter in her alphabet...
Anti JN (dat92jni@ludat.lth.se) wrote:
: In some bacon article Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> stated:
: >What?
: Who?
: /^JN - The Anti JN (Silly) - Bored.
I'm board too. Why don't everyone come on over? I got nine dollars and
a stereo.
---Steve
!!!!WARNING!!!!
You are being video taped for your safety.
In article <40139i$gjv@kelly.teleport.com>, sdc@teleport.com writes:
>
>Anti JN (dat92jni@ludat.lth.se) wrote:
>: At least I hope so. I'm here.
>
>Who the hell are you?
>
Who the hell are *you*?
Oinkman -- knows who he is, but doesn't want to tell
--
Oinkman (dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au) ,--_|\
Oinkman says "oink!" / \
http://metro.turnpike.net/~Dexter/ \_,--\_/
oink oink! Death to Chirac - the Abominable Frenchman v
In some bacon article sdc@teleport.com stated: >Anti JN (dat92jni@ludat.lth.se) wrote: >: In some bacon article Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> stated: >: >What? > >: Who? > >: /^JN - The Anti JN (Silly) - Bored. > >I'm board too. Why don't everyone come on over? I got nine dollars and >a stereo. Hm, that really opens unimagined vistas of opportunity for escaping boredness... >---Steve /^JN - The Anti JN - Not as bored as yesterday. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
I talked to myself: :I was going to call them, but decided that if they had :anything important to tell me, they'd call me first. :--Bill :-- :Not responsible! I guess they still don't have anything important to tell me... --Bill who is still... -- Not Responsible!
And it's all Anti-JN's fault... --Bill (board) -- Not Responsible!
In some bacon article Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> stated: >And it's all Anti-JN's fault... Ok, just blame me everytime you can't gather the inspiration to do something really creative like me. For example, this afternoon I'm going to the dentist. >--Bill (board) /^JN - The Anti JN - Scared stiff (as a board) -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In some bacon article sdc@teleport.com stated: >Anti JN (dat92jni@ludat.lth.se) wrote: >: At least I hope so. I'm here. > >Who the hell are you? You can read all about me in "Life of the Drunken Poster: part 1" ISBN 1-800-2354-234(666). Alternately, you could put bacon over your eyes and an egg in your mouth. This appropriately describes my situation right now. >---Steve /^JN - The Anti JN - Mind you, I got 95 cents for that story... -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In article <402t3t$pi8@news.chattanooga.net> pelrod@dalton.net (pelrod) writes: >matmcinn@leonis.nus.sg (Matthew MacIntyre) wrote: >>Ben Bullock (ben@theory5.kek.jp) wrote: >>: Does freedom of speech mean that one is entitled to scream at and >>: terrify small children? >Of course it does. Preachers do that to kids all the time. Not to mention Michael Jackson. *MM
Bill Wilkinson (70325.1137@CompuServe.COM) wrote: : limrag@bu.edu (Big Frog) gambled: : :: :Ross--who bets Bill has more noses than anyone else. : Me and my clones run this saloon called "Miss Deel." Buy : yer bullets from Papa's Boise Bargan Barn. But I don't have a gun. : :: No. Try "nn -x -n nosy" : :: Damn name shows up on every group on the Internet... : :Huh? : Don't be sarcastic. Okay. I admit it. I prefer "nn" over : "trn" or "news" or "tin." It's easy. I'm stupid. Oh, well, I use tin, but I didn't know there was anything else out there. I like nn, sounds like you're stuttering. : :: --Bill (usually involving assault rifles) : Not me. Nosy. Oh. Waitaminit! I'm talking to myself! : :Ross--who's really confused now. Is Bill talking about water? : No, myself. Who are _you_ talking to? Um, apparently a few of you. : --Bill (who is confusion incarnate) Ross--who is just confused.
In article <404apb$1b6$5@mhadg.production.compuserve.com> Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> writes: >And it's all Anti-JN's fault... >--Bill (board) But whose idea? *MM
vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi (Magnus Mulqvist) writes: :In article <404apb$1b6$5@mhadg.production.compuserve.com> Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> writes: :>And it's all Anti-JN's fault... :>--Bill (board) :But whose idea? I don't know. (l)Laura seems to have forsaken us. --Bill -- wxwilki@borg.uswc.uswest.com - Searching for the lost cause. Check out my Totally Inane Home Paragraph at: http://www.mecklerweb.com/mags/iw/v6n1/letters.htm
In article <DCsCyJ.DEq@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU> HAL writes: >vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi (Magnus Mulqvist) writes: >>Open the pod bay door, please, Hal. >I'm afraid I can't do that Dave. Phuck you, Hal! Open the pod bay door right now or I'll sneak in through the almost zero-kelvin, zero-pascal emergency airlock and decapitate you. *MM
In article <3vurak$nc1@nic.lth.se> dat92jni@ludat.lth.se (Anti JN) writes: >Subject: This newsfroup is starting to live again! >At least I hope so. I'm here. Okay, I'm here too. Let's try to have some action 'round here! Where are our hairy Norwegian berzerkers? Damn it, I expected to have a nice weekend with thousands of stupid and hilarious messages, but what'd I get? CLIX messages! CLIX messages, mostly in german or otherwise 'boring-stupid'! Who's emptied this waste basket? *MM
In article <3vurl4$nd9@nic.lth.se> dat92jni@ludat.lth.se (Anti JN) writes: >From: dat92jni@ludat.lth.se (Anti JN) >Subject: To >Date: 5 Aug 1995 04:21:56 GMT >...is not two but could be. And not to mention too. >/^JN - The Anti JN - It's real sure right now. I'm bored. >-- Go to a hotel, book a room in the 3rd floor, and make the room server ever so happy by ordering 2 T 2 32. Perhaps she'll unbore you... *MM
In article <3vus03$ne6@nic.lth.se> dat92jni@ludat.lth.se (Anti JN) writes: >Those were the days, when the posts was spelled out in the subjects >of multiple mails. >/^JN - The Anti JN - Reminiscing. And bored. >-- "Those were the days, yes they were, those were the days. Those were the days, yes they were, those were the days. [guitar solo] Those were the days, yes they were, those were the days. Those were the days, yes they were, those were the days. Those were the days." (Cream, probably bored) *MM
In some bacon article vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi (Magnus Mulqvist) stated: >In article <DCsCyJ.DEq@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU> HAL writes: >>vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi (Magnus Mulqvist) writes: >>>Open the pod bay door, please, Hal. > >>I'm afraid I can't do that Dave. > >Phuck you, Hal! Open the pod bay door right now or I'll sneak in through the >almost zero-kelvin, zero-pascal emergency airlock and decapitate you. Oh yes! Do that Magnus, then we get to hear HAL singing in constantly lowering speed. That is so funny! I used to watch that part over and over again. Until my friends took the remote away from me and threw me out the window. Oh well, you know who your real friends are after watching the same 10 second scene three hundred times. >*MM /^JN - The Anti JN - Would you like to hear a song? -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In some bacon article vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi (Magnus Mulqvist) stated: >In article <3vurl4$nd9@nic.lth.se> dat92jni@ludat.lth.se (Anti JN) writes: >>From: dat92jni@ludat.lth.se (Anti JN) >>Subject: To >>Date: 5 Aug 1995 04:21:56 GMT > >>...is not two but could be. And not to mention too. > >>/^JN - The Anti JN - It's real sure right now. I'm bored. >>-- >Go to a hotel, book a room in the 3rd floor, and make the room server >ever so happy by ordering 2 T 2 32. Perhaps she'll unbore you... Sounds fun, I was really bored yesterday, by my dentist. Dang, that hurt. Still does. >*MM /^JN - The Anti JN - Does the dentist know the drill? -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In some bacon article sdc@teleport.com stated: >L B Olson (orion@sierra.net) wrote: >: am883@yfn.ysu.edu (Dirk John Fischer) wrote: >: >Steve (sdc@teleport.com) says: >: >>David Gerard (gerdw@cougar.vut.edu.au) wrote: >: >>: Mad Max (poulosio@netcom.com) wrote: >: >>: :XOMEd NEGATRONs (negatron@twics.com) wrote: >: >>: :: grue@xmission.com (Dave DeBry) wrote: >: >>: :: >Knackwurst spilled a Coke on the keyboard, producing this: >: >>: :: >> sdc@teleport.com writes: >: >>: :: >> >David Gerard (gerdw@cougar.vut.edu.au) wrote: >: >>: :: >> >: Chester Karma (fts@cris.com) wrote: >: >>: :: >> >: :sdc@teleport.com writes: >: >>: :: >> >: ::GeorgeBurns wrote: >: >>: :: >> >: ::: matmcinn@leonis.nus.sg (Matthew MacIntyre) writes: >: >>: :: >> >: ::: >tv's Spatch (spatula@gecko.concorde.com) wrote: >: >>: :: >> >: ::: >: Matthew MacIntyre <matmcinn@leonis.nus.sg> wrote: >: >>: :: >> >: ::: >: >Video rental at front desk. No checks accepted. >: >>: :: >> >: ::: >: Checkout time 11:30. Be prompt or you will be billed for >: >>: :: >> >: ::: >: another day. >: >>: :: >> >: ::: >No guests in rooms after 11 PM. >: >>: :: >> >: ::: You will be billed $0.75 for each local call. >: >>: :: >> >: ::Please do not steal the television set. >: >>: :: >> >: :Swimming pool is closed September through April. No lifeguard on duty. >: >>: :: >> >: Please note that the soap is wired. >: >>: :: >> > !!!!WARNING!!!! You are being video taped for your safety. >: >>: :: >> Kids under 12 stay free. >: >>: :: > you must be at least -this- tall to ride this ride. >: >>: :: no noise after 11pm >: >>: :You are subject to our Terms of Service(tm) >: >>: [*] TOS(tm) subject to change without notice >: >>Please be quiet or we may ask you to leave. >: >Do not use trash cans for ice. >: Sanitized For Your Protection. >Please keep curtains closed. Please wear protective goggles at all times. /^JN - The Anti JN (Aching) -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In article <405nqh$kmi@borg.it.uswc.uswest.com> wxwilki@borg.uswc.uswest.com (William Wilkinson) writes: >vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi (Magnus Mulqvist) writes: >:In article <404apb$1b6$5@mhadg.production.compuserve.com> Bill Wilkinson ><70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> writes: >:>And it's all Anti-JN's fault... >:>--Bill (board) >:But whose idea? >I don't know. (l)Laura seems to have forsaken us. >--Bill I saw her some time ago walking a meowing table and murmuring something about hinge pins. That's the last I know of her, and alas, she didn't seem to be in the condition to have ideas. *MM
vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi (Magnus Mulqvist) writes: :In article <403roc$mjk@saba.info.ucla.edu> "Mr. Pure" <klopp> writes: :>Dear you, :>I am starting a the Foundation for the Advancement of the Intentionally Stupid. :What's an 'Intentionally'? It's perverted and illegal. --Bill -- wxwilki@borg.uswc.uswest.com - Searching for the lost cause. Check out my Totally Inane Home Paragraph at: http://www.mecklerweb.com/mags/iw/v6n1/letters.htm
Magnus Mulqvist (vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi) wrote: : In article <aosu01-0908951007260001@uglr5.cs.auckland.ac.nz> aosu01@cs.auckland.ac.nz (Alannah O'Sullivan) writes: : >In article <407lmc$f63@borg.it.uswc.uswest.com>, : >wxwilki@borg.uswc.uswest.com (William Wilkinson) wrote: : >> vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi (Magnus Mulqvist) writes: : >> :In article <403roc$mjk@saba.info.ucla.edu> "Mr. Pure" <klopp> writes: : >> : >> :>Dear you, : >> :>I am starting a the Foundation for the Advancement of the : >Intentionally Stupid. : >> : >> :What's an 'Intentionally'? : >> : >> It's perverted and illegal. : >It means... Are you in suspense yet? : >Yet? : >STUPID ON PURPOSE!!! : >-- : What's a 'PURPOSE'? Flipper. Who was perverted and illegal. --Bill -- wxwilki@lookout.ecte.uswc.uswest.com | To be is to do -- Hegel They're my opinions, not your's or | To do is to be -- Marx anybody else's (well, maybe). | Do be do be do -- Sinatra
Anti JN (dat92jni@ludat.lth.se) wrote: : In some bacon article sdc@teleport.com stated: : >L B Olson (orion@sierra.net) wrote: : >: am883@yfn.ysu.edu (Dirk John Fischer) wrote: : >: >Steve (sdc@teleport.com) says: : >: >>David Gerard (gerdw@cougar.vut.edu.au) wrote: : >: >>: Mad Max (poulosio@netcom.com) wrote: : >: >>: :XOMEd NEGATRONs (negatron@twics.com) wrote: : >: >>: :: grue@xmission.com (Dave DeBry) wrote: : >: >>: :: >Knackwurst spilled a Coke on the keyboard, producing this: : >: >>: :: >> sdc@teleport.com writes: : >: >>: :: >> >David Gerard (gerdw@cougar.vut.edu.au) wrote: : >: >>: :: >> >: Chester Karma (fts@cris.com) wrote: : >: >>: :: >> >: :sdc@teleport.com writes: : >: >>: :: >> >: ::GeorgeBurns wrote: : >: >>: :: >> >: ::: matmcinn@leonis.nus.sg (Matthew MacIntyre) writes: : >: >>: :: >> >: ::: >tv's Spatch (spatula@gecko.concorde.com) wrote: : >: >>: :: >> >: ::: >: Matthew MacIntyre <matmcinn@leonis.nus.sg> wrote: : >: >>: :: >> >: ::: >: >Video rental at front desk. No checks accepted. : >: >>: :: >> >: ::: >: Checkout time 11:30. Be prompt or you will be billed for : >: >>: :: >> >: ::: >: another day. : >: >>: :: >> >: ::: >No guests in rooms after 11 PM. : >: >>: :: >> >: ::: You will be billed $0.75 for each local call. : >: >>: :: >> >: ::Please do not steal the television set. : >: >>: :: >> >: :Swimming pool is closed September through April. No lifeguard on duty. : >: >>: :: >> >: Please note that the soap is wired. : >: >>: :: >> > !!!!WARNING!!!! You are being video taped for your safety. : >: >>: :: >> Kids under 12 stay free. : >: >>: :: > you must be at least -this- tall to ride this ride. : >: >>: :: no noise after 11pm : >: >>: :You are subject to our Terms of Service(tm) : >: >>: [*] TOS(tm) subject to change without notice : >: >>Please be quiet or we may ask you to leave. : >: >Do not use trash cans for ice. : >: Sanitized For Your Protection. : >Please keep curtains closed. : Please wear protective goggles at all times. Not responsible for lost or stolen articles. --Bill -- wxwilki@lookout.ecte.uswc.uswest.com | To be is to do -- Hegel They're my opinions, not your's or | To do is to be -- Marx anybody else's (well, maybe). | Do be do be do -- Sinatra
In article <408b1j$fsn@everest.pinn.net> carld@pinn.net (Carl Dolmetsch) writes: >From: carld@pinn.net (Carl Dolmetsch) >Subject: Re: In my Father's mansion there are many rooms >Date: 8 Aug 1995 18:39:47 GMT >Bill Wilkinson (wxwilki@lookout) wrote: >: Anti JN (dat92jni@ludat.lth.se) wrote: >: : In some bacon article sdc@teleport.com stated: >: : >L B Olson (orion@sierra.net) wrote: >: : >: am883@yfn.ysu.edu (Dirk John Fischer) wrote: >: : >: >Steve (sdc@teleport.com) says: >: : >: >>David Gerard (gerdw@cougar.vut.edu.au) wrote: >: : >: >>: Mad Max (poulosio@netcom.com) wrote: >: : >: >>: :XOMEd NEGATRONs (negatron@twics.com) wrote: >: : >: >>: :: grue@xmission.com (Dave DeBry) wrote: >: : >: >>: :: >Knackwurst spilled a Coke on the keyboard, producing this: >: : >: >>: :: >> sdc@teleport.com writes: >: : >: >>: :: >> >David Gerard (gerdw@cougar.vut.edu.au) wrote: >: : >: >>: :: >> >: Chester Karma (fts@cris.com) wrote: >: : >: >>: :: >> >: :sdc@teleport.com writes: >: : >: >>: :: >> >: ::GeorgeBurns wrote: >: : >: >>: :: >> >: ::: matmcinn@leonis.nus.sg (Matthew MacIntyre) writes: >: : >: >>: :: >> >: ::: >tv's Spatch (spatula@gecko.concorde.com) wrote: >: : >: >>: :: >> >: ::: >: Matthew MacIntyre <matmcinn@leonis.nus.sg> wrote: >: : >: >>: :: >> >: ::: >: >Video rental at front desk. No checks accepted. >: : >: >>: :: >> >: ::: >: Checkout time 11:30. Be prompt or you will be billed >for >: : >: >>: :: >> >: ::: >: another day. >: : >: >>: :: >> >: ::: >No guests in rooms after 11 PM. >: : >: >>: :: >> >: ::: You will be billed $0.75 for each local call. >: : >: >>: :: >> >: ::Please do not steal the television set. >: : >: >>: :: >> >: :Swimming pool is closed September through April. No >lifeguard on duty. >: : >: >>: :: >> >: Please note that the soap is wired. >: : >: >>: :: >> > !!!!WARNING!!!! You are being video taped for your safety. >: : >: >>: :: >> Kids under 12 stay free. >: : >: >>: :: > you must be at least -this- tall to ride this ride. >: : >: >>: :: no noise after 11pm >: : >: >>: :You are subject to our Terms of Service(tm) >: : >: >>: [*] TOS(tm) subject to change without notice >: : >: >>Please be quiet or we may ask you to leave. >: : >: >Do not use trash cans for ice. >: : >: Sanitized For Your Protection. >: : >Please keep curtains closed. >: : Please wear protective goggles at all times. >: Not responsible for lost or stolen articles. >TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT! Survivors will be shot again. *MM -- who thinks you had that coming.
In article <406tm0$18e@nic.lth.se> dat92jni@ludat.lth.se (Anti JN) writes: >In some bacon article vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi (Magnus Mulqvist) stated: >>In article <DCsCyJ.DEq@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU> HAL writes: >>>vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi (Magnus Mulqvist) writes: >>>>Open the pod bay door, please, Hal. >> >>>I'm afraid I can't do that Dave. >> >>Phuck you, Hal! Open the pod bay door right now or I'll sneak in through the >>almost zero-kelvin, zero-pascal emergency airlock and decapitate you. >Oh yes! Do that Magnus, then we get to hear HAL singing in constantly >lowering speed. That is so funny! I used to watch that part over and >over again. Until my friends took the remote away from me and threw me >out the window. Oh well, you know who your real friends are after >watching the same 10 second scene three hundred times. >>*MM >/^JN - The Anti JN - Would you like to hear a song? >-- Yes, Anti JN, I'd like to hear it. My mind is going. I can feel it... I can feel it, but sing it for me anyway, Anti JN. *MM -- calling professor Chandra: there's an assignment for you. We'll give you the specifics in nine years' time.
In article <406gn4$1c7u@hearst.cac.psu.edu> Michael Holmes <msh104@psu.edu> writes: >Welcome to Mr. Ant's dilemma: >1) While walking to the grocery store a nun unknowingly stepped on and >killed 20 ants. >2) A mean little boy captured 5 ants and dropped them into a spider's >web just to see the spider attack and kill the ants. >Now, there is a particular ant who has a very special power. He has the >ability to kill one and only one human. Who should he kill, the nun or >the mean little boy? Neither. I've told him that I'll decapitate him if he ever uses his power. So actually this is Mr. Ant's Rule of Frustration. *MM
In article <406gn4$1c7u@hearst.cac.psu.edu>, Michael Holmes <msh104@psu.edu> wrote: >Welcome to Mr. Ant's dilemma: > >1) While walking to the grocery store a nun unknowingly stepped on and >killed 20 ants. > >2) A mean little boy captured 5 ants and dropped them into a spider's >web just to see the spider attack and kill the ants. > >Now, there is a particular ant who has a very special power. He has the >ability to kill one and only one human. Who should he kill, the nun or >the mean little boy? If Mr. Ant were to read alt.suicide.holiday, he could kill himself. If Mr. Ant were to read abd4, he'd kill Barney. But since Mr. Ant is reading alt.stupidity, he'd have to kill Bob Vila. Or Jesse Helms. -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "lunk" in "spelunking" "Here's next year's camp theme, 'SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP'." - Mike Byrd Waste valuable time reading falsehoods. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula Captain Chloraseptic - Soothes yer throat, frees yer mind.
In <vtkk.v1wki.1283.01974B9A@elvi.vtkk.fi> vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi
(Magnus Mulqvist) writes:
>
>In article <3vus03$ne6@nic.lth.se> dat92jni@ludat.lth.se (Anti JN)
writes:
>
>>Those were the days, when the posts was spelled out in the subjects
>>of multiple mails.
>
>>/^JN - The Anti JN - Reminiscing. And bored.
>>--
>"Those were the days,
>yes they were, those were the days.
>Those were the days,
>yes they were, those were the days.
>
>[guitar solo]
>
>Those were the days,
>yes they were, those were the days.
>Those were the days,
>yes they were, those were the days.
>Those were the days."
>
>(Cream, probably bored)
>
>*MM
Does anyone else suddenly have the urge to seek out a Cilla Black
album?...
ahh... apple corp...
Princess WhiteGoat
Tortess@panix.com FINALLY REPLIED!!!!:
[snip]
:: --Bill (who thinks he's figured out the rules of this game)
: --Tortess (who is probably playing the wrong game)
Bill: "We knew you'd return! Here, I've been saving this for
you all these years..."
[carefully unwraps objects in delicate pastel tissue]
Tortess: "Sob..."
Bill: "Yes, your favorite Mouth Figurines (tm). I knew
you'd come back for them someday."
Tortess: "Why you..."
--Bill (ah...)
--
Gesundheit.
Sorry. Here. Wipe that off with this delicate pastel tissue.
--
Not Responsible!
Bill Wilkinson (70325.1137@CompuServe.COM) wrote: : Tortess@panix.com FINALLY REPLIED!!!!: : [snip] : :: --Bill (who thinks he's figured out the rules of this game) : : --Tortess (who is probably playing the wrong game) : Bill: "We knew you'd return! Here, I've been saving this for : you all these years..." : [carefully unwraps objects in delicate pastel tissue] : Tortess: "Sob..." : Bill: "Yes, your favorite Mouth Figurines (tm). I knew : you'd come back for them someday." : Tortess: "Why you..." : --Bill (ah...) : -- : Gesundheit. : Sorry. Here. Wipe that off with this delicate pastel tissue. : -- : Not Responsible! Yeah, I haven't said Hi to Tortess yet. Hi, Tortess. Remember me? I'm a Big Frog! Ross--who hope she brought crackers and cheese.
..and just in time. --Bill (happy now) -- Not Responsible!
papa legba shot down my Bluebird of Happiness... :Bill Wilkinson (70325.1137@CompuServe.COM) wrote: :: ..and just in time. :: --Bill (happy now) : I made your day, Bill. Thanx! Too bad you weren't around to make all my other days this happy! : I make all the days. What???? : Jeez, what did you think I do when I'm not posting? To be honest, I hadn't even thought of it. : Or haven't you even thought of it? Now what did I just say? --Bill (who's having doubts about who's the god of stupidity) -- Not Responsible!
Keylime (gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu) wrote: : Which is equivalent to about $14.20 in US currency. That's no way to talk about Spatch's sister. -- Gesundheit.
Well, not yet. But I will if I live long enough! --Bill (trying for an off-the-wall keylime-type of post but ending up with a broke clone^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^C @3#%s..5...sd. -- Not Responsible!
dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au (Damien James Leer) demanded: :In article <40139i$gjv@kelly.teleport.com>, sdc@teleport.com :writes: :> :>Anti JN (dat92jni@ludat.lth.se) wrote: :>: At least I hope so. I'm here. :> :>Who the hell are you? :Who the hell are *you*? Who the hell are _you_, *sir*??? --Bill (who wonders which one the hell he is) -- Not Responsible!
Bill Wilkinson (70325.1137@CompuServe.COM) wrote:
: ..and just in time.
: --Bill (happy now)
: --
: Not Responsible!
\ || /
- PLOP -
/ || \
...Well, maybe not QUITE in time, huh Bill?
--
Gesundheit.
On 8 Aug 1995, Ross Garmil wrote:
> Damien James Leer (dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au) wrote:
>
> : oink!
>
> : --
> : Oinkman (dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au) ,--_|\
> : Oinkman says "oink!" / \
> : http://metro.turnpike.net/~Dexter/ \_,--\_/
> : oink oink! Death to Chirac - the Abominable Frenchman v
>
> Bill, there, right there in Oinkman's .sig it disctincly says Oinkman says
> "oink!" I said that in reference to Spatch saying Oink, and I said that and
> he pilfered it.
>
> Ross--who demands recognition.
OK Ross - here's an oink just for you - "oink!"
Oinkman -- who is very sorry that he upset Ross, but after all, Oinkman
*does* say oink!
--
Oinkman (dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au) ,--_|\
Oinkman says "oink!", (but Ross said it first!) - is that better? / \
http://metro.turnpike.net/~Dexter/ \_,--\_/
oink oink! Death to Chirac - the Abominable Frenchman v
In article <40amhg$le6@news.bu.edu> limrag@bu.edu (Ross Garmil) writes: >Bill Wilkinson (wxwilki@lookout) wrote: >: Magnus Mulqvist (vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi) wrote: >: : In article <aosu01-0908951007260001@uglr5.cs.auckland.ac.nz> >aosu01@cs.auckland.ac.nz (Alannah O'Sullivan) writes: >: : >In article <407lmc$f63@borg.it.uswc.uswest.com>, >: : >wxwilki@borg.uswc.uswest.com (William Wilkinson) wrote: >: : >> vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi (Magnus Mulqvist) writes: >: : >> :In article <403roc$mjk@saba.info.ucla.edu> "Mr. Pure" <klopp> writes: >: : >> >: : >> :>Dear you, >: : >> :>I am starting a the Foundation for the Advancement of the >: : >Intentionally Stupid. >: : >> >: : >> :What's an 'Intentionally'? >: : >> >: : >> It's perverted and illegal. >: : >It means... Are you in suspense yet? >: : >Yet? >: : >STUPID ON PURPOSE!!! >: : >-- >: : What's a 'PURPOSE'? >: Flipper. Who was perverted and illegal. >I thought he was faster than lightning? Now *that* is perverted! And probably illegal too. *MM
In article <no-kitty@jlkljkjlkagsasg> spatula@gecko.concorde.com (tv's Spatch) writes: >In article <4098t1$l5d@hearst.cac.psu.edu>, >Michael Holmes <msh104@psu.edu> wrote: >>Things you would not like to find in your bedroom when you wake up in >>the morning: >> >>1) A mummy ........ without bandages. >>2) A closed coffin with a note on it that says "open me." >>3) A mysterious bucket filled with vomit. >4) Your mom. >5) Bob Vila's underpants. >6) 20 cents in change and a note which reads "Keep the tip". >7) Your mom in Bob Vila's underpants holding 20 cents in change and writing > a note which reads "Keep the tip". >8) Lorena Bobbit with a carving knife writing a note which reads "I'll > keep the tip." 36) A mirror site. 9) A man chasing after his hat. 12) Great Admiral and Supreme Astronaute James T. Kirk embracing you and saying to your alarm clock: "Now can I cook or can't I?" *MM
In article <no-kitty@jlkljkjlkagsasg> spatula@gecko.concorde.com (tv's Spatch) writes: >In article <4098t1$l5d@hearst.cac.psu.edu>, >Michael Holmes <msh104@psu.edu> wrote: >>Things you would not like to find in your bedroom when you wake up in >>the morning: >> >>1) A mummy ........ without bandages. >>2) A closed coffin with a note on it that says "open me." >>3) A mysterious bucket filled with vomit. >4) Your mom. >5) Bob Vila's underpants. >6) 20 cents in change and a note which reads "Keep the tip". >7) Your mom in Bob Vila's underpants holding 20 cents in change and writing > a note which reads "Keep the tip". >8) Lorena Bobbit with a carving knife writing a note which reads "I'll > keep the tip." 36) A mirror site. 9) A man chasing after his hat. 12) Great Admiral and Supreme Astronaute James T. Kirk embracing you and saying to your alarm clock: "Now can I cook or can't I?" *MM
Michael Roach (mikroa@ix.netcom.com) wrote: : My Nissan Sentra does 125 : I lost my licence, now I don't drive : ---Michael, with appologies to Joe Walsh Well, what about us? Don't we deserve an apology for that? Or at least a clever bacon jingle? -papa
cabbage (pford@cabell.vcu.edu) wrote: : This question was really posed on Ed Meese's Pornography Committee : several years ago: : "Is it unlawful to have sex with a corpse if you're married to it?" I thought that's what I was doing. Imagine my suprise when she started snoring. -papawasitgoodforyou?
In article <40a863$l71@freenet.vcu.edu> pford@cabell.vcu.edu (cabbage) writes: >This question was really posed on Ed Meese's Pornography Committee >several years ago: > "Is it unlawful to have sex with a corpse if you're married to it?" Probably not, if it's lawful to marry a corpse. *MM
tortess@panix.com (Tortess) cleaned up: :William Wilkinson (wxwilki@borg.uswc.uswest.com) mopped: :: tortess@panix.com (Tortess) writes: :: :Bill Wilkinson (70325.1137@CompuServe.COM) wrote: :: :: ..and just in time. :: : \ || / :: : - PLOP - :: : / || \ :: :...Well, maybe not QUITE in time, huh Bill? :: Yecchhh! Who pushed my clone off that building in Boise??? :: --Bill (somebody get a mop) : \ | / : MOP : / | \ O! R! I say R! A! R! A! G... R! A! G! G! (qui? qui? --no, not now) R! A! G! G! M! O! P! P! RAGMOP!!! --Bill (obRoss: Beanie and Cecil) -- Not Responsible!
Rinse. Lather. Rinse again. Wax. Please exit carefully. --Bill -- wxwilki@lookout.ecte.uswc.uswest.com | To be is to do -- Hegel They're my opinions, not your's or | To do is to be -- Marx anybody else's (well, maybe). | Do be do be do -- Sinatra
In article <40b4ri$eiv@news.nd.edu> gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime) writes: >Subject: Every picture tells a story >Especially if there's a caption underneath it. Or a speaker. *MM
In article <40b59e$ela@news.nd.edu>, Keylime <gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu> wrote: >I think silly people should be sent to the moon. We could fire >them out of a big circus cannon. Once there, they could build >a gigantic television screen so that when we look up at the >moon we could watch Ricki Lake. BUT I DON'T WANNA SEE RICKI LAKE MOONING US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11 -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "lunk" in "spelunking" "Here's next year's camp theme, 'SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP'." - Mike Byrd Waste valuable time reading falsehoods. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula Captain Chloraseptic - Soothes yer throat, frees yer mind.
Magnus Mulqvist (vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi) wrote: : In article <40b5bq$epm@news.nd.edu> gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime) writes: : >I think I've fulfilled my stupididity quota for the week. Time : >to go study some Einstein. : We have no guota. Be stupid and free, tralala! I had some guota. But I left it in the sink too long and it grew hair and arms and legs and walked away and went into my office and took my job. Beware of guota. -- Gesundheit.
I am missing my guota. I left it double-parked outside the diner on 43rd and sixth, and now it's gone. It was blue-green-reddish kind of, medium sized, and had hair, arms, legs, and my job. If you see it, pls. email me directly as I do not read this group often. Thx. in advance. -- Gesundheit.
MM* said to Anti-JN: :Okay, I'm here too. Let's try to have some action 'round here! :Where are our hairy Norwegian berzerkers? Hey, just when I left for the Shadows about 3 weeks ago, some berzerker started decapitating his cohorts and Nosy was singing that famous song, "Ragnarok Around the Clock." When I got back from the shadows again, all was quiet. So, what happened? -- Not Responsible!
Found at the corner of 46th and Main. It was lying on the side of the road covered with tire tracks. I don't think it works anymore, and it's rather sticky. By sticky, I mean that it was sticky when I found it. Someone else must have made it sticky. It wasn't my fault. Honest.
In some bacon article vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi (Magnus Mulqvist) stated: >In article <no-kitty@jlkljkjlkagsasg> spatula@gecko.concorde.com (tv's Spatch) writes: >>In article <4098t1$l5d@hearst.cac.psu.edu>, >>Michael Holmes <msh104@psu.edu> wrote: > >>>Things you would not like to find in your bedroom when you wake up in >>>the morning: >>> >>>1) A mummy ........ without bandages. Done it. >>>2) A closed coffin with a note on it that says "open me." Did it. >>>3) A mysterious bucket filled with vomit. Doing it tomorrow. >>4) Your mom. Done it. >>5) Bob Vila's underpants. Did it. >>6) 20 cents in change and a note which reads "Keep the tip". Doing it tomorrow. >>7) Your mom in Bob Vila's underpants holding 20 cents in change and writing >> a note which reads "Keep the tip". Done it. >>8) Lorena Bobbit with a carving knife writing a note which reads "I'll >> keep the tip." Did it. >36) A mirror site. Doing it tomorrow. >9) A man chasing after his hat. Never done that... >12) Great Admiral and Supreme Astronaute James T. Kirk embracing >you and saying to your alarm clock: "Now can I cook or can't I?" Done it... >*MM Did it. /^JN - The Anti JN - Doing it tomorrow. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In some bacon article lod2@midway.uchicago.edu stated: >In article <406h2u$kmo$3@mhade.production.compuserve.com>, >Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> wrote: >>pford@cabell.vcu.edu wrote: >> >>:la, la la, la la >> >> \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ \|/ >>-POP- -POP- -POP- -POP- -POP- >> /|\, /|\ /|\, /|\ /|\ > >ti, ti, ti, ti, ti >doe, doe, doe, doe, doe Ching, ching, ching, ching, ching. Fa so la li do boe woe re mi. /^JN - The Anti JN - Artful stealing is the secret of the artist. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In some bacon article Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> stated: >MM* said to Anti-JN: > >:Okay, I'm here too. Let's try to have some action 'round here! >:Where are our hairy Norwegian berzerkers? > >Hey, just when I left for the Shadows about 3 weeks ago, some >berzerker started decapitating his cohorts and Nosy was singing >that famous song, "Ragnarok Around the Clock." > >When I got back from the shadows again, all was quiet. > >So, what happened? Dunno, must have something to do with guota. /^JN - The Anti JN - Or perhaps something to do with the exellent weather... -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In article <408n0m$640@panix3.panix.com>, Tortess <tortess@panix.com> wrote: > >For those of you who have not *completely* forsaken me, I thought I would >drop in, not read any posts, make an announcement, and leave, but return >later and read posts, and maybe make another announcement if anything >further needs to be said. > >And the announcement is: > > "I quit that fucking job yesterday." > >Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. > >See youse guys later, > -- T. Watch for Tortess' new email address: number6@village.org !! -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "lunk" in "spelunking" "Here's next year's camp theme, 'SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP'." - Mike Byrd Waste valuable time reading falsehoods. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula Captain Chloraseptic - Soothes yer throat, frees yer mind.
tv's Spatch (spatula@gecko.concorde.com) dehumanized me thusly: : Watch for Tortess' new email address: number6@village.org !! I am not a number. I am a ... a... an antidisestablishmentarianism. -- Gesundheit.
Bill Wilkinson (70325.1137@CompuServe.COM) wrote: : spatch@gecko.concorde.com (tv's Spatch) wrote: : :In article <40bg6l$8i7@panix3.panix.com>, Tortess : :<tortess@panix.com> wrote: : :>Keylime (gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu) wrote: : :>: Which is equivalent to about $14.20 in US currency. : :> : :>That's no way to talk about Spatch's sister. : :But I don't have a sister. : So maybe you can clarify this: : The scene is some guys discussing beer. Somebody mentions : that drinking non-alcoholic beer is like kissing your : sister. Everybody laughs except the guys who don't have : sisters. : Why is that? Excuse me, I don't have any sisters, and that's no way to talk about my sister! : --Bill (who is neither perverted nor illegal) Ross--who's not so sure he's pedantic.
I think sarcastic people are totally cool. They are very smart and oh so witty. In fact, when I see one of them pass by, I usully get down and kiss the hallowed ground they walked upon. I never cease to tell them of their utter supremacy.
For each stamp ordered, send a self-addressed stamped envelope to: Keylime Productions Exit 5, Booth 9 Interstate 90, Indiana
In article <DD1pIC.JqB@da_vinci.ecte.uswc.uswest.com>, Bill Wilkinson <wxwilki@lookout> wrote: Someone else wrote: >: What's a 'PURPOSE'? > >Flipper. Who was perverted and illegal. They call him Flipper! Flipper! Perverted, illegal! No one you see Is sicker than he! And we know Flipper! Lives in a high-security prison! But one day he'd risen! Up to the sea! well, no one said it ever had to make sense, goddammit. -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "lunk" in "spelunking" "Here's next year's camp theme, 'SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP'." - Mike Byrd Waste valuable time reading falsehoods. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula Captain Chloraseptic - Soothes yer throat, frees yer mind.
Cagey (cagey@grfn.org) wrote: : On 9 Aug 1995 16:08:16 GMT, Ross Garmil <limrag@bu.edu> wrote: : > Bill Wilkinson (wxwilki@lookout) wrote: : > : Magnus Mulqvist (vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi) wrote: : > : : In article <aosu01-0908951007260001@uglr5.cs.auckland.ac.nz> aosu01@cs.auckland.ac.nz (Alannah O'Sullivan) writes: : > : : >In article <407lmc$f63@borg.it.uswc.uswest.com>, : > : : >wxwilki@borg.uswc.uswest.com (William Wilkinson) wrote: : > : : >> vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi (Magnus Mulqvist) writes: : > : : >> :In article <403roc$mjk@saba.info.ucla.edu> "Mr. Pure" <klopp> writes: : > : : >> : > : : >> :>Dear you, : > : : >> :>I am starting a the Foundation for the Advancement of the : > : : >Intentionally Stupid. : > : : >> : > : : >> :What's an 'Intentionally'? : > : : >> : > : : >> It's perverted and illegal. : > : > : : >It means... Are you in suspense yet? : > : : >Yet? : > : : >STUPID ON PURPOSE!!! : > : > : : >-- : > : : What's a 'PURPOSE'? : > : > : Flipper. Who was perverted and illegal. : > : > I thought he was faster than lightning? : > : > : --Bill : > : > Ross--who doesn't think he was that fast intentionally. : I'm confused, Ross. Your .sig thingy makes no sense: : he = Flipper : intentionally = STUPID ON PURPOSE!!! : PURPOSE = Flipper : therefore, : Ross--who doesn't think Flipper was that fast STUPID ON Flipper : Nope. It doesn't make sense. : cagey -- who doesn't either That's because you forgot the last part of your equation: Ross--who doesn't think Flipper was that fast STUPID ON Flipper!!! Ross--who hope that clears everything up.
..and he'll hit you in the face.
Ross Garmil (limrag@bu.edu) exaggerated reports of my death: : Bill Wilkinson (70325.1137@CompuServe.COM) wrote: : : Tortess@panix.com FINALLY REPLIED!!!!: : : [snip] : : :: --Bill (who thinks he's figured out the rules of this game) : : : --Tortess (who is probably playing the wrong game) : : Bill: "We knew you'd return! Here, I've been saving this for : : you all these years..." : : [carefully unwraps objects in delicate pastel tissue] : : Tortess: "Sob..." : : Bill: "Yes, your favorite Mouth Figurines (tm). I knew : : you'd come back for them someday." : : Tortess: "Why you..." : : --Bill (ah...) : : -- : : Gesundheit. : : Sorry. Here. Wipe that off with this delicate pastel tissue. : : -- : : Not Responsible! : Yeah, I haven't said Hi to Tortess yet. Hi, Tortess. Remember me? I'm a Big : Frog! Huh? : Ross--who hope she brought crackers and cheese. Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated. However, reports of my wake were accurate and timely, and there are NO MORE CHEESE AND CRACKERS YOU FILTHY CORPSE-IGNORING STUPIDIANS! I never even got a crumb and it was MY wake! -- Gesundheit.
lod2@quads.uchicago.edu (john patrick lodder) writes: :In article <DD3InA.15L@da_vinci.ecte.uswc.uswest.com>, :Bill Wilkinson <wxwilki@lookout> wrote: :>Rinse. :>Lather. :>Rinse again. :>Wax. :>Please exit carefully. :do you prefer exit, logout, or Ctrl-D???? I'm so confused. ummm, lemme see.... borg$ ps PID TT STAT TIME COMMAND 12876 p1 IW 0:00 -ksh (ksh) 14087 p2 IW 0:00 -ksh (ksh) 15302 p2 IW 0:00 nn 15306 p8 S 0:00 -ksh (ksh) 15321 p8 R 0:00 ps borg$ kill -9 15302 oops
William Wilkinson (wxwilki@borg.uswc.uswest.com) mopped:
: tortess@panix.com (Tortess) writes:
: :Bill Wilkinson (70325.1137@CompuServe.COM) wrote:
: :: ..and just in time.
: :: --Bill (happy now)
: :: --
: :: Not Responsible!
: : \ || /
: : - PLOP -
: : / || \
: :...Well, maybe not QUITE in time, huh Bill?
: Yecchhh! Who pushed my clone off that building in Boise???
: --Bill (somebody get a mop)
\ | /
MOP
/ | \
--
Gesundheit.
On 11 Aug 1995 00:12:02 GMT, Arnold Schwarzenegger <ralph@math.harvard.edu> wrote: > Can anyony please tell me what the fuck WTF stands for? > Wipe The Floor? Whenever They Fall? Wear The Frock? Whine To Family? Way To Far? Walk The Fox? hmmm nope, I don't know what the fuck it stands for cagey--who's hoping Sen. Exxon doesn't read this
So are the days of our lives.
Magnus Mulqvist (vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi) wrote: : In article <3vtbg3$tfp@tiger1.ocs.lsu.edu> vkhare@tiger.lsu.edu (Vikram Kumar Khare) writes: : > They're all over the place! MOOO! MOOO! I found one in my ear this morning. It was actually a pleasant experience, though one would not think so ordinarily. The painful part was getting him out. -- Gesundheit.
tortess@panix.com (Tortess) worte: :Magnus Mulqvist (vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi) wrote: :: In article <3vtbg3$tfp@tiger1.ocs.lsu.edu> ::vkhare@tiger.lsu.edu (Vikram Kumar Khare) writes: :: > They're all over the place! MOOO! MOOO! :I found one in my ear this morning. It was actually a pleasant :experience, though one would not think so ordinarily. The :painful part was getting him out. You shouldn't sleep in a pasture on the night some of those whacky college kids go out cow-tipping! Waitaminute! You said "getting _him_ out." What kind of cow was that, anyway???? --Bill -- Not Responsible!
In article <40e99a$45h$2@mhadf.production.compuserve.com> Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> writes: >Hey, just when I left for the Shadows about 3 weeks ago, some >berzerker started decapitating his cohorts and Nosy was singing >that famous song, "Ragnarok Around the Clock." >When I got back from the shadows again, all was quiet. >So, what happened? >-- Well the matter isn't quite settled yet so I can't give you the details, but it involves some sticky headless guota and a moist hot alarm clock. *MM
Yeah. Heh... Oh, gosh...I'm so embarassed. My first post to this froup in months and months and all I could think of was "Yeah." I feel so stupid. BTW, I haven't seen any gouda, but I DID see a meunster not far away >from the diner you mentioned... -Ed -- ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ed Jackson, animator and aimless college student ejackson@iastate.edu Iowa State University Opinions are my own, -or- Engineering Animation, Inc. etc, etc... ed@eai.com
In article <40bh6k$oh1@ixnews7.ix.netcom.com>, Carolyn W. Chapman <kinchen@ix.netcom.com> wrote: >Mailing Lists > >Hot Hot Fresh and accurate mailing list >Let everyone in your town and surrounding towns know were you are >located. >All list are professionally maintained with state of the art >computerzide system. ^^^^^^^^^^^^ This gets my vote for New Buzzword for fall 1995. - spatch, computerzide for your protection - -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "lunk" in "spelunking" "Here's next year's camp theme, 'SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP'." - Mike Byrd Waste valuable time reading falsehoods. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula Captain Chloraseptic - Soothes yer throat, frees yer mind.
In article <40dnal$ocg@panix3.panix.com> tortess@panix.com (Tortess) writes: >I am missing my guota. I left it double-parked outside the diner on 43rd >and sixth, and now it's gone. It was blue-green-reddish kind of, medium >sized, and had hair, arms, legs, and my job. >If you see it, pls. email me directly as I do not read this group often. >Thx. in advance. >-- I saw it walking (l)Laura, who was mumbling something about meowing hinges. The guota themself was mumbling something about getting a life, dude, so I decapitated it. Sorry if I've caused you some inconvenience, but it was a great slaughter! *MM
In article <40e99h$gev@news.nd.edu> gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime) writes: >Found at the corner of 46th and Main. It was lying >on the side of the road covered with tire tracks. I >don't think it works anymore, and it's rather sticky. >By sticky, I mean that it was sticky when I found it. >Someone else must have made it sticky. It wasn't my >fault. Honest. It became sticky all by itself, I just decapitated it. Sorry about inconvenience if any. It wasn't my fault. Honest. *MM
In article <40e956$gel@news.nd.edu> gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime) writes: >Well, I don't actually have a kingdom, but I'll give you this furry >guota I just found. Yuck! It's sticky. Headless and sticky. Get a kingdom, dude! *MM
In article <aosu01-1108951334240001@uglt6.cs.auckland.ac.nz> aosu01@cs.auckland.ac.nz (Alannah O'Sullivan) writes: >In article <4068n6$brh@info.curtin.edu.au>, Armadillo ><mike@geophy.curtin.edu.au> wrote: >> Well, the last few days, when I piss, the water froths up like a >> cappuccino. I am worried about this for about 12.3 milliseconds each >> time. Is it a symptom of potentially fatal illness? >Just don't look. >-- >Alannah O'Sullivan It's easy for you to say. *MM
In article <aosu01-1108951336160001@uglt6.cs.auckland.ac.nz> aosu01@cs.auckland.ac.nz (Alannah O'Sullivan) writes: >In article <vtkk.v1wki.1296.009EAD1D@elvi.vtkk.fi>, >vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi (Magnus Mulqvist) wrote: >> In article <406gn4$1c7u@hearst.cac.psu.edu> Michael Holmes ><msh104@psu.edu> writes: >> >Welcome to Mr. Ant's dilemma: >> >1) While walking to the grocery store a nun unknowingly stepped on and >> >killed 20 ants. >> >2) A mean little boy captured 5 ants and dropped them into a spider's >> >web just to see the spider attack and kill the ants. >> >> >Now, there is a particular ant who has a very special power. He has the >> >ability to kill one and only one human. Who should he kill, the nun or >> >the mean little boy? >> >> Neither. I've told him that I'll decapitate him if he ever uses his power. >> So actually this is Mr. Ant's Rule of Frustration. >Mr.Ant is deaf. He did not hear you threats. Mr.Ant should kill the president. >-- If he's not blind too he certainly saw me swing Fragarach over his head in a most threatening manner, and besides that ants can read lips, so your hypothesis will not hold. But as for your last sentence you're probably right. Who's the president of New Zealand nowadays? *MM
In <40cjgm$m8u@hpscit.sc.hp.com> papa@boi.hp.com (papa legba) writes: > >Michael Roach (mikroa@ix.netcom.com) wrote: >: My Nissan Sentra does 125 > >: I lost my licence, now I don't drive > >: ---Michael, with appologies to Joe Walsh > > Well, what about us? Don't we deserve an apology for that? > Or at least a clever bacon jingle? > > -papa My Bacon Sentra does 125 I lost my cabbage, now I don't drive (sorry)
In article <40a863$l71@freenet.vcu.edu>, cabbage wrote: > This question was really posed on Ed Meese's Pornography Committee > several years ago: > > "Is it unlawful to have sex with a corpse if you're married to it?" > I'm not sure if the sex part is legal or not, but I'm sure that a lot of people out there feel like they're married to a corpse. Or is that the joke to start with? I'm so easily confused.
Damn chimpanzees stole them away from me :-(
Keylime (gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu) wrote: : unless it's a frog. of course. Ross--I'm a Big Frog (there's a difference)!
In article <aosu01-1108951307570001@uglt6.cs.auckland.ac.nz>, Alannah O'Sullivan <aosu01@cs.auckland.ac.nz> wrote: >You know when you are walking down the road or whatever, and you trip, >yet there was nothing to trip on, well, you just tripped over a donut >hole. >Everyone always eats around the dount hole, then they just drop it. >They are a bit of a bugga cause they are invisable. In America we have proper receptacles in which to put your donut holes. They're called "Police cars". On a good night cops can't even get into their cars because they've shoved too many donut holes in the window, and the combined weight has locked the doors with the keys inside. GOD BLES AMERICKA! -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "lunk" in "spelunking" "Here's next year's camp theme, 'SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP'." - Mike Byrd Waste valuable time reading falsehoods. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula Captain Chloraseptic - Soothes yer throat, frees yer mind.
In article <Pine.OSF.3.91.950810011632.29601B-100000@sun.lclark.edu>, Linsel, Master of Lemur Magic <lgreene@lclark.edu> wrote: > >It has occurred to me that there are a great deal of Captains in the >Media which "bombard" our thoughts today. Some examples: > >Captain Kangaroo >Captain Ahab >Captain Kirk >Captain Crunch You misspelled "Cap'n Crunch". Even though this is a complete bastardization of the military spelling, I believe the US allows Mr. Crunch to keep his current rank. After all, he might try and shoot us with that nifty hat of his. In that vein, we must not also forget Cap'n Bob, whose one true goal in life was to teach kids who were up at 6 in the morning how to draw steelhead trout. >Captain of Lemur Magic >Captain Corn >Captain America >Captain Guam >Captain Canned Corn (Captain Corn's Sidekick) >Captain Canned Cream Corn (A caddy at a Golf corse i went to once) >Captain Hook >Captain Underworld >Captain "Uh-oh I just wet myself" >Captain, my captain >and, of course >Captain "Sit Down and Shut Up for Once, God Damn IT!" What about Captain "Siddown, yer rocking the boat"? You also missed: Captain Cosmos (who rules) Captain Queeg (who tried to rule) Captain of the Pinafore (and a mighty good captain, too) Captain Sir Honorable Judge President Mark Q. Tutweiler Captain Ron (actually, I'm glad you forgot this one) Captain Man Chasing After His Hat Captain Cow > >Seems that wee here at stupidity central need our own captain, who will >represent us on military terms. What you think? > Captain Cow. Or Captain Corn. Either have that zingy, zest-for-life that is so dear to all captains. - cap'n spatch - -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "lunk" in "spelunking" "Here's next year's camp theme, 'SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP'." - Mike Byrd Waste valuable time reading falsehoods. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula Captain Chloraseptic - Soothes yer throat, frees yer mind.
In some bacon article cagey@grfn.org stated: >You know what I really hate? When those bats fly down and turn into vampires >and they bite you and you turn into a vampire too and go around for hundreds >of years flying and biting and doing all the fun and groovy stuff that vampires >do until finally people get mad at you 'cause they're jealous or something >and they come after you with a wooden stake when you're resting and they >drive the wooden stake through your heart and you get splinters ALL OVER the >place. > >Boy, I hate that! Me too, that really gets my goat. >cagey -- who just spent hours getting a splinter out of his finger and would >hate to have to pull one out of his heart /^JN - The Anti JN - Who knows how it feels. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In article <40earv$45h$3@mhadf.production.compuserve.com>, Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> wrote: >spatch@gecko.concorde.com (tv's Spatch) wrote: > >:In article <40bg6l$8i7@panix3.panix.com>, Tortess >:<tortess@panix.com> wrote: >:>Keylime (gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu) wrote: >:>: Which is equivalent to about $14.20 in US currency. >:> >:>That's no way to talk about Spatch's sister. > >:But I don't have a sister. > >So maybe you can clarify this: > >The scene is some guys discussing beer. Somebody mentions >that drinking non-alcoholic beer is like kissing your >sister. Everybody laughs except the guys who don't have >sisters. > >Why is that? Cause the guys who don't have sisters have never tasted non-alcoholic beer. - spatch, o'douls, tastes just like the inside of your sister's mouth! - -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "lunk" in "spelunking" "Here's next year's camp theme, 'SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP'." - Mike Byrd Waste valuable time reading falsehoods. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula Captain Chloraseptic - Soothes yer throat, frees yer mind.
In some bacon article ivan@adventures.of (Reid Fleming) stated: >In article <40a863$l71@freenet.vcu.edu>, cabbage wrote: > >> This question was really posed on Ed Meese's Pornography Committee >> several years ago: >> >> "Is it unlawful to have sex with a corpse if you're married to it?" > >I'm not sure if the sex part is legal or not, but I'm sure that a lot of >people out there feel like they're married to a corpse. Or is that the >joke to start with? I'm so easily confused. Hmm. You'll fit in nicely here. /^JN - The Anti JN - Who fits in rather good himself... -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime) writes: :Well, I don't actually have a kingdom, but I'll give you this furry :guota I just found. Well, I found some goutas at http://egnatia.ee.auth.gr/, so I've my quota of goutas, thank you. --Bill (it was all greek to me) -- wxwilki@borg.uswc.uswest.com - Searching for the lost cause. Check out my Totally Inane Home Paragraph at: http://www.mecklerweb.com/mags/iw/v6n1/letters.htm
spatch@gecko.concorde.com (tv's Spatch) wrote: :In article <40bg6l$8i7@panix3.panix.com>, Tortess :<tortess@panix.com> wrote: :>Keylime (gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu) wrote: :>: Which is equivalent to about $14.20 in US currency. :> :>That's no way to talk about Spatch's sister. :But I don't have a sister. So maybe you can clarify this: The scene is some guys discussing beer. Somebody mentions that drinking non-alcoholic beer is like kissing your sister. Everybody laughs except the guys who don't have sisters. Why is that? --Bill (who is neither perverted nor illegal) -- Not Responsible!
It has occurred to me that there are a great deal of Captains in the Media which "bombard" our thoughts today. Some examples: Captain Kangaroo Captain Ahab Captain Kirk Captain Crunch Captain of Lemur Magic Captain Corn Captain America Captain Guam Captain Canned Corn (Captain Corn's Sidekick) Captain Canned Cream Corn (A caddy at a Golf corse i went to once) Captain Hook Captain Underworld Captain "Uh-oh I just wet myself" Captain, my captain and, of course Captain "Sit Down and Shut Up for Once, God Damn IT!" Seems that wee here at stupidity central need our own captain, who will represent us on military terms. What you think? If you think that nobody cares if you are alive, try missing a few car payments Love Always, Linsel Greene
<In article <408n0m$640@panix3.panix.com> tortess@panix.com (Tortess) writes: < For those of you who have not *completely* forsaken me, I thought I would < drop in, not read any posts, make an announcement, and leave, but return < later and read posts, and maybe make another announcement if anything < further needs to be said. Hey! You're needed over at the Very Important Cannibalism question, RIGHT NOW as in ASAP. < And the announcement is: < "I quit that fucking job yesterday." "Job"? What is this "job" thing? < Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Yer welcome, your welcome, you're well; come. < See youse guys later, Huh?
<In article <40b56n$ekn@news.nd.edu> gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime) writes: <I think stupid people should be taxed. Nah, let's take up the carpet. <With the people in this newsfroup alone, we could provide health care <to every American citizen. I thought health care cost a lotta money! If we taxed everyone in this froup at 100%, just how much money would we get? Oh, sure, we'd get millions from Corporate Plutocrats like Papa and Bill, and who knows how much the Clones have hidden away (although *they* probably get paid in Monopoly money, so scratch that idea), but how much d'ya think yer gonna get from out-of-work Tortess, Barcalounger-occupying Spatula, all them Kollidge Kidz, etc.? Not enuff for a decent kegger down by the river, I suspect. <Hell, with the people on Ricki Lake, we could pay off <the national debt in two weeks! NOW yer TALKIN'! Yeah! Um, wait....who's Ricki Lake, and why does she have people on her? Is this some kinda gross joke about relatives, and being parasites and all, or what? And isn't Ricki Lake that pseudo-funky acoustic-geetar playing Joni Mitchell-wannabe that was real popular back in the early 1980's?
In some bacon article tortess@panix.com (Tortess) stated: >Oinkman (dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au) wrote: >: On 10 Aug 1995, Bill Wilkinson wrote: > >: > dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au (Damien James Leer) demanded: >: > :In article <40139i$gjv@kelly.teleport.com>, sdc@teleport.com >: > :writes: >: > :> >: > :>Anti JN (dat92jni@ludat.lth.se) wrote: >: > :>: At least I hope so. I'm here. >: > :> >: > :>Who the hell are you? >: > :Who the hell are *you*? >: > Who the hell are _you_, *sir*??? > >: I'm me! What do you say to *that* hey? > >If you're me, then who the hell am I? If you're you, and he's he, am I still me? /^JN - The Anti JN - With feline tendencies. Let's feed the felines. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
The Ice Cream Man! The Ice Cream Man! Waitaminute! You're not the Ice Cream Man! Woe, woe, woe. --Bill (sad, because it wasn't the ice cream man) -- Not Responsible!
Olive's arrogant older brother? How did her boyfriend deal with that? --Bill (who--for some damned reason this week--is inspired by keylime's recent posts. but not quite making it) -- Not Responsible!
..only reason I posted this is because it's late and I've temporarillly lost my [ ]. --Bill (board--again) -- Not Responsible!
What was that? --Bill (you know--this is totally off the subject--but, I just realized that Anti-JN, *MM, and those other berzerkers are awake while the rest of us are asleep) -- Not Responsible!
In some bacon article llama@gnu.ai.mit.edu (Paul Kautz) stated:
>In article <no-kitty@jkgkjlagsgas>,
>tv's Spatch <spatula@gecko.concorde.com> wrote:
>* In article <40h41r$gh6$1@mhafm.production.compuserve.com>,
>* Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> sowed the seeds of a cascade:
>* >An enquiring tortess@panix.com [Tortess] wanted to know...
>* >
>* >:notocord?
>* >harpsichord?
>* terpsichord?
> clavichord?
multifnord?
>* >Gesundheit.
>* > Freiheit?
>* Freundlaven?
> Lemmergeier?
Klemmenmeyer?
Hey Bill, what's the rules for this game?
/^JN - The Anti JN - Stabbing wildly in the dark. (Jocke)
--
####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> #######
# The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." #
# Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se #
############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
9:00 AM Alarm goes off. Wake up.
10:00 AM Get out of bed.
10:21 AM Clip my toenails.
10:55 AM Clip my fingernails.
11:20 AM Vacuum rug to clean up clippings.
12:00 PM Eat a bologna sandwich.
12:20 PM Wash my hair.
12:45 PM Rinse.
1:00 PM Go outside. Sniff the air. Scratch butt.
1:10 PM Do a few situps.
2:00 PM Ricki Lake.
2:30 PM Siesta.
3:00 PM Post to alt.stupidity.
4:00 PM Get dressed.
5:00 PM Go to grocery store. See if new shipment of
corn has arrived.
5:15 PM Sit out in backyard.
6:00 PM Contemplate the wonderment of our existance.
8:30 PM Drive around town in mobile home. Honk at
all the beautiful babes.
9:00 PM Return to trailer park. Bedtime.
In some bacon article Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> stated: >What was that? > >--Bill (you know--this is totally off the subject--but, I just >realized that Anti-JN, *MM, and those other berzerkers are >awake while the rest of us are asleep) You know what? When _we're_ asleep, you're probably awake! /^JN - The Anti JN - But in fact, we're just 6-8 hours away from each other. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
<In article <40kr3v$hki@nic.lth.se> dat92jni@ludat.lth.se (Anti JN) writes: <In some bacon article llama@gnu.ai.mit.edu (Paul Kautz) stated: <>In article <no-kitty@jkgkjlagsgas>, <>tv's Spatch <spatula@gecko.concorde.com> wrote: <>* In article <40h41r$gh6$1@mhafm.production.compuserve.com>, <>* Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> sowed the seeds of a cascade: <>* >An enquiring tortess@panix.com [Tortess] wanted to know... <>* > <>* >:notocord? <>* >harpsichord? <>* terpsichord? <> clavichord? < multifnord? Ironinboard! <>* >Gesundheit. <>* > Freiheit? <>* Freundlaven? <> Lemmergeier? < Klemmenmeyer? LemonPledge...no, wait, Klemperer (Col. Klink)...no, wait NO CARRIER
<In article <40ks9b$i9r@nic.lth.se> dat92jni@ludat.lth.se (Anti JN) writes: < In some bacon article Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> stated: < >What was that? < > < >--Bill (you know--this is totally off the subject--but, I just < >realized that Anti-JN, *MM, and those other berzerkers are < >awake while the rest of us are asleep) < You know what? < When _we're_ asleep, you're probably awake! I dunno, if Bill's been back in the Jolt Cola again, there's no telling how long he's been awake.
I was going to buy Pringles (tm), but then I saw "O'Boisies Potato Snack Chips...Original." Then I figured, what the heck, I'll boost the economy in papa's area. So I bought them. After eating a couple of bushels of them, I noticed that the sack said they were made by Keebler. Heck, man, there's a Keebler plant right here in town! They lied to me. --Bill (vehement) -- Not Responsible!
Today, trn, for no apparent reason, deleted my newsrc. So, as
there are no back-ups here, this evening I read 340 articles
in this froup, most of which I had already read, at 2400 baud.
(trn -- as I'm sure you know -- let's you see the first page of
an article before you decide what to do with it.)
Actually, the above paragraph has no relevence whatsoever to ...
Spatch's European Vacation Journal
Yes, it's true. He's gone. No, not Chicago. No, not summer camp--
our very own man-about-town is in France!
And, because I know that you all depend on Spatch for
a. blood,
b. money,
c. sexual favors,
or d. combinations thereof,
and because *I*, JYB Hernando Vespucci, truly care about you,
and because I'm just another bored sap,
I will write Spatch's journal. I mean, HE can't write it. He's
over in France, where they have outlets that resemble religious
icons.
So, without further ado (that's French for `bullshit'),
Spatch's European Vacation Journal
DAY 1: ATLANTIC OCEAN
Today, I spent 13 hours on an airplane, and let me tell you, it was the
TIME of my life. Actually, it only seemed like 13 hours. The flight
attendant told me that, thanks to temporal engineering, the flight was
actually 17 hours long -- my, how time flies! I flew, too.
First thing's first: the airport was a lot of fun. It was there that
I bought a magazine ("Clive Barker's Windows(tm) World"), some snacks
(Generic malt balls and shaving cream), and a handgun. This last proved
a bit of a problem against the metal detector -- it beeped at me. So
I put it in my hat and said I had a metal plate. Everybody felt sorry for
me and let me through without any hassle.
On the airplane, I got to sit by the window, next to a nun and an
aborigine. Actually, I got the aisle seat, but the aborigine said that
flying made him hemorrhage, so we swapped. The view was breath-taking --
the wing of the plane. I tried to open the window, but there didn't seem to
be any latches, so I just poked a hole in it (just in case we ran out of
air).
As we were taking off, the aborigine was arguing with the flight attendant
about leaving his seat. Fortunately for the rest of us, she went pale
at the sight of blood. She obviously wasn't well, so I decided I'd take
her place. As I was getting out, I tripped over the nun's legs (she wasn't
paying much attention to anything but that skin magazine), and fell onto
the opposite-passanger's lap, where he was rummaging through a bag.
"Great," I thought to myself, as I apologized and brandished my handgun,
"how am I going to get this cocaine out of my hair?" So I excused myself
to the restroom, which the aborigine was leaving. The inside was covered
in blood, as if there was some sort of struggle. There was a shoe clogging
the latrine drain. I shook my head to dislodge the powder, but it was no use.
Luckily, I always carry a wig in my pocket. I put it on -- it was a
Parliament style rug.
Leaving there, I found the closet and put on the flight attendant costume.
I grabbed a cart and zoomed along the aisle, running and then jumping on.
The next thing I heard was, "Look out! George Washington incoming!" and
several screams, then I blacked out.
Then all of a sudden I was in this big house in a small, mid-west town.
These two burglers were chasing after me and making themselves look like
idiots. Then I woke up -- ah, just a dream -- in Paris.
I had been thrown into a custodian's closet. It was locked. "Oh well,"
I thought, "I guess I'll just go to sleep here!"
END OF DAY 1
JYL Paul Kautz, DF
On 13 Aug 1995 12:27:43 GMT, Anti JN <dat92jni@ludat.lth.se> wrote:
> In some bacon article llama@gnu.ai.mit.edu (Paul Kautz) stated:
> >In article <no-kitty@jkgkjlagsgas>,
> >tv's Spatch <spatula@gecko.concorde.com> wrote:
> >* In article <40h41r$gh6$1@mhafm.production.compuserve.com>,
> >* Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> sowed the seeds of a cascade:
> >* >An enquiring tortess@panix.com [Tortess] wanted to know...
> >* >
> >* >:notocord?
> >* >harpsichord?
> >* terpsichord?
> > clavichord?
> multifnord?
learnachord
> >* >Gesundheit.
> >* > Freiheit?
> >* Freundlaven?
> > Lemmergeier?
> Klemmenmeyer?
Fahrvegnuegan?
In <40kqsn$hjq@nic.lth.se> dat92jni@ludat.lth.se (Anti JN) writes:
>
>In some bacon article tortess@panix.com (Tortess) stated:
>>Oinkman (dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au) wrote:
>>: On 10 Aug 1995, Bill Wilkinson wrote:
>>
>>: > dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au (Damien James Leer) demanded:
>>: > :In article <40139i$gjv@kelly.teleport.com>, sdc@teleport.com
>>: > :writes:
>>: > :>
>>: > :>Anti JN (dat92jni@ludat.lth.se) wrote:
>>: > :>: At least I hope so. I'm here.
>>: > :>
>>: > :>Who the hell are you?
>>: > :Who the hell are *you*?
>>: > Who the hell are _you_, *sir*???
>>
>>: I'm me! What do you say to *that* hey?
>>
>>If you're me, then who the hell am I?
>
>If you're you, and he's he, am I still me?
No, but that combination automatically makes me the walrus...
goo-goo-g'joob...
Princess "Walrus" WhiteGoat
tortess@panix.com (Tortess) punctuated: :sdc@teleport.com wrote: :: What can be said about Soda Pop? :What can be said! About soda...Pop? :What can be said about soda, Pop? :WHAT? Can? Be said. About soda, Pop! :What can be! About soda? pop. :What! can, "be" said? about;: Soda' (pop) \|/ -POP- Hi! /|\ What? What? Oh. Sorry... --Bill (who had nothing to contribute anyway) -- Not Responsible!
sdc@teleport.com wrote: : John William Kuthe (jwk1@ritz.cec.wustl.edu) wrote: : : Speaking of things stuck up a vagina, one of the funniest things my X : : ever said/did when we were together was once when we were fooling : : around with an ice cube (we were into B/D and mild S/M), and I was : : teasing her pussy and clit with it, and decided to stick the cube up : : her vagina, where it slipped in and out of my grasp. : : The silly bitch sat up, terrified, and said, "How am I going to get it : : out?" : She better get it out of there before it turns into Dihydrogen Monoxide! : ---Steve Steve, stop it, you're killing me, that's just too darned funny. Who may be developing dyslexia--Ross
Spatch's European Vacation Journal Previously, on SEVJ ... Spatch flew on a plane, Spatch was knocked unconscious while riding a refreshment cart, Spatch woke up in what he thought was Paris, locked in a custodian's shed, Spatch went to sleep. DAY 2 This morning I woke up hanging from a tree. It appears that someone had attempted to hang me by the neck, but instead, hung me by my arm. It was all black from the dead blood, so I untied it and jumped down. Wow, was that a sensation! Like after you realize your leg is asleep, only better. Also, I lost consciousness again from blood poisoning. The second time I woke up this morning I was in a hospital. In Estonia. I tried to get up and run around screaming in panic, but I was strapped down. However, my neck was free to roam around and bang against the metal bedstand, so I did that for about an hour before blacking out. I had this weird dream where I was sent into the operating room (0P in Estonian) and had my anal tract enlarged. Then, they started tying it in bows. They had some sort of competition going on. Finally, after one had grossed the others out, my colostomy was completed. When I awoke, I found that it wasn't actually a dream! I was shitting out of my stomach-area, into a clear plastic bag. "All right!" I thought to myself, "this vacation is going to be better than I thought!" Then I passed out again, because they were taking my blood. Lots of it, too. ... To be CONTINUED JYL Paul Kautz
In article <40md09$98f@panix3.panix.com> tortess@panix.com (Tortess) writes: >Damn, but it's hot tonight. No it wasn't. Instead, tonight it is. >Carry on. No carrier. >-- >Gesundheit. *MMchoo.
In article <40p4oj$gm9@news.nd.edu> gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime) writes: >The big bad wolf blew down houses of straw and wood. But >it was later discovered that he had been taking steroids >at the time, and thus was disqualified and stripped of his >gold medal. But he had got two fair doses of bacon, and that's something that can't be taken away from him. *MM
In article <DD971w.Fpz@iglou.com> Katrina Taggart <demonkat@iglou.com> writes:
>--
> ("\''/").__..-''"`-. .
> `9_ 9 ) `-. ( ).`-._.`)
> (_Y_.)' ._ ) `._`. " -.-'
> _..`-'_..-_/ /-'_.'
>(l)-'' ((i).' ((!.' I'd rather be ashes than dust
--
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
.--..__..-''"`-. .
( o ~) `-. ( ).`-._.`)
\__/._ ) `._`. " -.-'
_..---_..-_/ /-'_.'
(l)-'' ((i).' ((!.' I'd rather have bashes than bust
*MM
In article <40kqsn$hjq@nic.lth.se> dat92jni@ludat.lth.se (Anti JN) writes: >In some bacon article tortess@panix.com (Tortess) stated: >>Oinkman (dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au) wrote: >>: On 10 Aug 1995, Bill Wilkinson wrote: >>: > dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au (Damien James Leer) demanded: >>: > :In article <40139i$gjv@kelly.teleport.com>, sdc@teleport.com >>: > :writes: >>: > :>Anti JN (dat92jni@ludat.lth.se) wrote: >>: > :>: At least I hope so. I'm here. >>: > :>Who the hell are you? >>: > :Who the hell are *you*? >>: > Who the hell are _you_, *sir*??? >>: I'm me! What do you say to *that* hey? >>If you're me, then who the hell am I? >If you're you, and he's he, am I still me? I am he as you are he as we are he and he is all together. All resistance will be futile, or something. >/^JN - The Anti JN - With feline tendencies. Let's feed the felines. Very well. I suggest "42 Kornbete", it kills the fluffy ones. *MM
In article <40h3i9$rkq@kelly.teleport.com> sdc@teleport.com writes: >I had a slice of pizza last night called "The Big Toad". Are you sure? Carefully prepared toad looks and tastes very much like pizza. 1) Stun a toad by a quick blow on the head and decapitate it. 2) Set toad on a tarmac surface. 3) Drive over toad twice with a Ford Bronco (or equivalent). 4) Fry result in a hot oven (225C, 15 min). 5) Season with oregano. *MM
In article <40ks9b$i9r@nic.lth.se> dat92jni@ludat.lth.se (Anti JN) writes: >In some bacon article Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> stated: >>What was that? >> >>--Bill (you know--this is totally off the subject--but, I just >>realized that Anti-JN, *MM, and those other berzerkers are >>awake while the rest of us are asleep) >You know what? >When _we're_ asleep, you're probably awake! >/^JN - The Anti JN - But in fact, we're just 6-8 hours away from each other. >-- What is this "asleep" thing? I'm awake 16 to 18 hrs daily, and the rest of time I'm berzerking. There have been great slaughters of kings and noble knights, both man and horse, and many people have been slain. *MM
In article <40lope$9ju@saba.info.ucla.edu> John Klopper <klopp@neurosun.medsch.ucla.edu> writes: >How much weight do you lose when you cut off your head? >-- Let me rephrase that: How much weight do you lose when I cut off your head? *MM
In article <40pfs3$7tj@frodo.smartlink.net> The Unbeatable Rez <__@______._________> writes:
>| ,.;. squirrels: a source of campus nutrition|
>| |\__/| .~ ~. |
>| /o=o'`./ .' recipe for squirrel au vin: |
>| {o__, \ { ingredients: |
>| / . . ) \ 1 squirrel (remove hair) |
>| `-` '-' \ } 1 bottle of Boones Strawberry Hill |
>| .( _( )_.' to prepare: |
>| :. '---.~_ _ _| Get really drunk, eat the squirrel.|
Haarg! Small game!
,.;.
.~ ~.
/¨¨\_/ .'
\__/ \ {
/ . . ) \
`-` '-' \ }
.( _( )_.'
:. '---.~_ _ _|
*MM
That's right. You heard me correctly.
I've tried moving into another room, but that doesn't work. I've tried wearing earmuffs, but they always fall off. I've even tried putting a pillow over my head, but then I suffocate (note: suffocation is NOT an option). I haven't gotten any sleep in days and I'm desperate for ideas.
Obviously, lack of any response won't slow me down .. it's Spatch's European Vacation Journal Previously, in SEVJ, Spatch woke up in Estonia, Spatch fell asleep in Estonia (repeat 3 or 4 times), Spatch has a colostomy. Spatch's European Vacation Journal DAY 3 Today I woke up feeling fresh, bright, and hungry. As I ravenously chewed at my straps, I noticed that my colostomy bag was missing -- somebody had STOLEN it! I resolved to catch the thief when I got free. When the last of the straps had been masticated, I got up and walked outside. The morning air was cool on my back and buttocks. Yes, I was wearing one of those hospital gowns. When townsfolk started to scream in terror at me, I decided to go in and find some digs. I found some operating gowns (the turquoise kind, you know) in the supplies room, as well as a colostomy bag -- elated, I tried to put it on, but found I was missing also the belt! so, I just used one that was lying around. It didn't have a special hole for the bag, so I just tied it on with shoelace. I found a lab coat and clipboard and set out for freedom. The building didn't give me much trouble, so I went to find some sort of food store. The local Safeway had just what I wanted -- a cooler. I bought it and a bunch of ice by trading my stethoscope. Ah, barter -- truly a gift from the Mesopotamians. A dead cat completed my equipment. Or, it did after a little `persuasion'. I put the cat in the cooler and rushed to the airport, shouting "MEDICAL EMERGENCY MEDICAL EMERGENCY," and, just for luck and because they didn't understand English, "I'M CARRYING A DEAD CAT IN A CHEAP COOLER AND I'M GOING TO COMMANDEER THIS PLANE." Which I was. The plane was fun, especially when I was out of firing range. I checked my compass and went `WEST' -- towards sweet Paris! I put it in cruise and took a little catnap. The end JYB Paul Kautz
In my Big Book Of Words, it shows that Indo-European devolved
in one path to GERMANIC, North Germanic, and then into the
following: Swedish, Danish, Norwegian, and Icelandic.
On the *OTHER* hand, I-E *ALSO* devolved into:
GERMANIC
West Germanic
Low German
English
American
Now, who do *YOU* think rates better on the alt.stupidity
scale???
OUCH!!! I've suddenly become lighter!!!
--Bill
--
Not Responsible!
In article <40rnfo$d4d$1@mhafn.production.compuserve.com>,
Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> wrote:
* In my Big Book Of Words, it shows that Indo-European devolved
* in one path to GERMANIC, North Germanic, and then into the
* following: Swedish, Danish, Norwegian, and Icelandic.
*
* On the *OTHER* hand, I-E *ALSO* devolved into:
*
* GERMANIC
* West Germanic
* Low German
* English
* American
Don't forget:
INDO-EUROPEAN
INDO-IRANIAN
Indic
Sanskrit
Urdu and Punjabi
or
INDO-EUROPEAN
Armenian
(gratuitous obsolete grep trigger)
* Now, who do *YOU* think rates better on the alt.stupidity
* scale???
There is no `better'. There is only `do' and `do not'.
- Yoda
* OUCH!!! I've suddenly become lighter!!!
Whups! Must be that force acting up again.
--
Ralph
Magnus Mulqvist (vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi) wrote: : In article <40lope$9ju@saba.info.ucla.edu> John Klopper <klopp@neurosun.medsch.ucla.edu> writes: : >How much weight do you lose when you cut off your head? : >-- : Let me rephrase that: : How much weight do you lose when I cut off your head? Average is 16.4 pounds of head, 7.23 pounds of blood, for a grand total of...I don't know, 20-some pounds. -papa, who aced calculus without learning any of it. of course, that isn't related to the head thingy, but there's a math reference, and that's enough
Solo rotulador de punta blanda (r-sac@uwindsor.ca) wrote: : In article <Pine.SOL.3.91.950812063402.23877D@lawson.its.utas.edu.au>, : Oinkman <dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au> wrote: : > : > Why is that when ever I am at a terminal for twelve hours there are : >hardly any posts made, but the moment I go away for a couple of days, : >there are nearly a thousand posts waiting to be read in some groups? : > Perhaps a little chipmunk is under the hood of my computer mulching : >incoming messages when I am there, and dozing off when I leave? : > : Would that be the same chipmunk from "The Chipmunks" who is always : stuffing his face with whatever he can get his hand on? that reminds me of my first wife, Wanda, the one-handed wonder. I really miss that face-stuffing trick. -papa
Clueless (reuben@i-link.net) wrote: : Somebody! please help! : Whenever I shove a fork up my ass it really hurts! What am I doing wrong? : A friend told me this was a really cool thing to do and that it was better than soaking your penis in laquer thinner : What am I doing wrong? You're listening to your friend. Now listen to me. Send me all the money you have, and all that you get in the future. I promise it will not be as painful as a fork up your ass. Trust me. I'm papa, and I don't lie. -papa (told ya)
In some bacon article gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime) stated: >I've tried moving into another room, but that doesn't work. > >I've tried wearing earmuffs, but they always fall off. > >I've even tried putting a pillow over my head, but then I suffocate >(note: suffocation is NOT an option). > >I haven't gotten any sleep in days and I'm desperate for ideas. Do what I always do: Turn on the stereo on loud. Mind you, you have to turn it up so loud that you can't hear your neighbours complaining. /^JN - The Anti JN - Having no sleeping problems, but many awake problems. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
http://www.ar.com/ger/alt.stupidity.html I wonder if posting that will make the page self-referential. --Bill -- wxwilki@borg.uswc.uswest.com - Searching for the lost cause. Check out my Totally Inane Home Paragraph at: http://www.mecklerweb.com/mags/iw/v6n1/letters.htm
gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime) wrote: :That's right. You heard me correctly. You need to get yourself a guot. Mind you, not a sticky guot. They only make matters worse. --Bill -- Not Responsible!
Princess WhiteGoat (gkozbial@ix.netcom.com) wrote: : Infamous? :}... wow... do you know about some scandal in which I've : participated that I don't know about?!... aside from that one... : oh, and that one... and... nevermind... I'm sure that if I had a concious I'd refrain from telling the 'gang' on 'alt.stupidity' about your sheninigans. However, I have no moral foundation upon which to walk. O.k........everybody! She's really not a Princess!! -- root & god @vkhare.premier.net -- only works if I bring the system up vkhare@nether.net -- works all the time vkhare@premier.net -- works all the time
In <40u9dp$ml9@premier3.premier.net> vkhare@premier3.premier.net
(Vikram Khare) writes:
>
> I'm sure that if I had a concious I'd refrain from telling the
'gang'
>on 'alt.stupidity' about your sheninigans. However, I have no moral
foundation
>upon which to walk.
>
> O.k........everybody! She's really not a Princess!!
Whahuh?... oh... waitasec... I bet it's _sarcasm_ when my mother
calls me "your highness," isn't it?... all of a sudden I feel so...
deceived...
well, at least I still am the mother of our stupid(ian) lord...
Princess "Madonna" WhiteGoat
Keylime (gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu) wrote: : Sure, he had pigs and cows and sheep. But few people also : know that in addition to raising livestock, Mr. MacDonald : supplimented his income by raising a rather large but : inconspicuous marijuana crop. : And now you know the rest of the story. That would explain the refrain, for sure. -- Gesundheit.
In article <40ih5e$bib@nic.lth.se>, dat92jni@ludat.lth.se (Anti JN) wrote: <snip vampire stuff, cuz my news server wont let me post less than the original message, even though it screws with the continuity> > > > >Boy, I hate that! > > Me too, that really gets my goat. > Hey, vampires got my goat too! Coincidence? I think not. Reid
On Tue, 15 Aug 1995, Magnus Mulqvist wrote:
> In article <40kqsn$hjq@nic.lth.se> dat92jni@ludat.lth.se (Anti JN) writes:
> >In some bacon article tortess@panix.com (Tortess) stated:
> >>Oinkman (dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au) wrote:
> >>: On 10 Aug 1995, Bill Wilkinson wrote:
> >>: > dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au (Damien James Leer) demanded:
> >>: > :In article <40139i$gjv@kelly.teleport.com>, sdc@teleport.com
> >>: > :writes:
> >>: > :>Anti JN (dat92jni@ludat.lth.se) wrote:
> >>: > :>: At least I hope so. I'm here.
> >>: > :>Who the hell are you?
> >>: > :Who the hell are *you*?
> >>: > Who the hell are _you_, *sir*???
> >>: I'm me! What do you say to *that* hey?
> >>If you're me, then who the hell am I?
> >If you're you, and he's he, am I still me?
> I am he as you are he as we are he and he is all together.
> All resistance will be futile, or something.
Yes - beware of the something. It is not unusual to find that in many
cases where people have been killed or injured, something was the cause.
Oinkman -- not sure what something is, but believes it may very well be
something.
--
Oinkman (dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au) ,--_|\
Oinkman says "oink!", (but Ross said it first:) - is that better?/ \
http://metro.turnpike.net/~Dexter/ \_,--\_/
oink oink! Death to Chirac - the Abominable Frenchman v
In article <Pine.SOL.3.91.950816202618.20302B-100000@lawson.its.utas.edu.au> Oinkman <dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au> writes: >On Tue, 15 Aug 1995, Magnus Mulqvist wrote: >> In article <40kqsn$hjq@nic.lth.se> dat92jni@ludat.lth.se (Anti JN) writes: >> >In some bacon article tortess@panix.com (Tortess) stated: >> >>Oinkman (dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au) wrote: >> >>: On 10 Aug 1995, Bill Wilkinson wrote: >> >>: > dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au (Damien James Leer) demanded: >> >>: > :In article <40139i$gjv@kelly.teleport.com>, sdc@teleport.com >> >>: > :writes: >> >>: > :>Anti JN (dat92jni@ludat.lth.se) wrote: >> >>: > :>: At least I hope so. I'm here. >> >>: > :>Who the hell are you? >> >>: > :Who the hell are *you*? >> >>: > Who the hell are _you_, *sir*??? >> >>: I'm me! What do you say to *that* hey? >> >>If you're me, then who the hell am I? >> >If you're you, and he's he, am I still me? >> I am he as you are he as we are he and he is all together. >> All resistance will be futile, or something. > Yes - beware of the something. It is not unusual to find that in many >cases where people have been killed or injured, something was the cause. > Oinkman -- not sure what something is, but believes it may very well be >something. I may be something stupid, but I think it's something in the way she moves. *MM
In article <40h02u$fhg$3@mhafm.production.compuserve.com>, Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> wrote: > Oinkman <dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au> wrote: > > :Why is that when ever I am at a terminal for twelve hours there > :are hardly any posts made, but the moment I go away for a > :couple of days, there are nearly a thousand posts... > > That is disturbing. Who puts all those posts there? What do > you do to get rid of them? Sell them? Plant them in your > yard in 10x10 arrays and put a sign on them that says > "Posted, keep out?" > > Save them for your fireplace when winter comes? > --Bill The disturbing part is that I have to wait until he's away from the terminal to make all my posts. It seems like he's always there, hour after hour. Then he goes away and I have to type like mad to hit my thousand post quota before he gets back. Very disturbing. I wish that he would just s....uh oh he's coming back- gotta go. Reid Paranoid, but for good reasons.
One of the funniest things that I ever saw while growing up on a dairy farm was the following: A hired hand (wearing a baseball cap) was chasing after a cow to herd it into a pen. The cow, being much smarter than the hired hand, ran under a board and into the barn. Running full tilt behind, eyes fixed on the cow's tail, vision obstructed by the cap, the hired hand approached the board in the barn. The board, at almost exactly forehead height, whacked him but good, just like in a slapstick routine. Wham, instant stop, fall over backwards into the cow shit. Cow 1 Hired help 0 Luckily, the cow was unhurt. Moral: Baseball caps are inherently unsafe, let's ban them! Reid It's always fun until someone loses an eye!
papa legba (papa@boi.hp.com) wrote:
: sdc@teleport.com wrote:
: : I heard a song once that said "He ain't heavy (He's my brother)" What's
: : the message? Like, how could you say that in a different way?
: : ---Steve
: "He is not of unwieldy weight (He is a male sibling of mine)"
: -papa, so on we go
Don't call my brother fat!
---Steve (Who now knows what the song is about)
!!!!WARNING!!!!
You are being video taped for your safety.
And now, despite no sign of awareness by readers, it's Spatch's European Vacation Journal Previously, in SEVJ, Spatch exposed himself to an innocent village, Spatch dressed up like a doctor, tied a colostomy bag to his belt, and commandeered an airplane with just a cooler and a dead cat. Spatch's European Vacation Journal DAY 4 I woke up feeling calm and secure, and strapped to a cow. A crashed airplane was a little ways off in the field. I assumed that I had come down in that, and instead of a parachute, I had mistakenly used a cow! Oddly, though, this was not MY cow, nor did she belong to anyone in Estonia. She belonged to a Mr. D. L. Roamingfree. Or at least someone had tried to make me think that by writing it on her back (yes, I can READ with my BACK. Can't you?). But WHY? And what happened to the pilot of the plane, I wondered. Both of these questions were soon answered when I spotted a figure in camouflage. Er, well, they weren't actually answer just then, but they would be by the figure. You see, it was Mr. Roamingfree himself. Here's what we talked about: HIM: Hey, you! Are you ... FINNISH? ME: Nope. When's lunch? HIM: Good, because I hate those Finns. Here, let me untie you -- I did that as a security measure in case you were a Finnard. ME: Good lord, what do you have against the Finnish? HIM: Ehr.. Well, they insulted me. ME: All of them? HIM: No, just one. He kept mocking me by talking in this funny manner. And he wouldn't answer me no matter how I tried! ME: You're a Loony, aren't you? HIM: Please, I go by my first name these days. Call me Deranged. ME: No. Where in Mom's name are we? HIM: Finland. And at that point, he had unstrapped me, so I made a break for it. Because he had a gun, I took the cow for cover. Well, I ran and ran, until I got to this body of water. The Deranged Lunatic was still behind me, so I decided I should threaten to drown the cow. I stepped into the water with her, and swam out a bit -- suddenly, she was sinking -- you know, cows are deceptively heavy -- and pulling me down with her! There was nothing I could do -- if let go, I'd be shot at, and if I didn't let go, I'd drown. So, decided to flip a coin. It floated up to the surface and I couldn't read it. At this point, I lost consciousness. -- Paul "Ralph" Kautz, Lun.
In article <40ueq0$mdb@news.sas.ab.ca> dougbaj@fn1.freenet.edmonton.ab.ca () writes: >Where do some of the subscribers to this newsgroup get your material? >Yipes!! Mostly from Edmonton, Canada, and Online, America. *MM
sdc@teleport.com told papa: :papa legba (papa@boi.hp.com) wrote: :: in an effort to be sociable in an uncomfortable situation :: I said, "Nice ass." I am now requesting a froup opinion :: as to the propriety of that statement. I thought it was :: a flattering ice-breaker, but she made no effort to :: respond to my sincere overture. :If that upset her just tell her you were kidding. Steve won that round, papa. --Bill -- Not Responsible!
HAL writes: >Newsgroups: alt.stupidity >vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi (Magnus Mulqvist) writes: >>Open the pod bay door, please, Hal. >I'm afraid I can't do that Dave. Why tell me? I'm not bloody interested. Dave, puzzled by the sudden interest in him.
Jeffery Shidei (yu123005@rufous.yorku.ca) wrote: : tv's Spatch (spatula@gecko.concorde.com) wrote: : [mulch] : : Yay, Tortess, our ever-helpful US Postal Service Answer Tortess! : : I hope you get the job as US Postal Service Mascot. : : You sure convinced me to use zipcodes wherever and whenever I write stuff! : : - spatch, 90210 ... see? it's fun and simple to write a 5-digit number! : : 30452! 01038! 75488! 24601! - : Oh boy! Let me try!! 4435! 576! 0.98! 5! GMKL! : Damn. : - Jeffzilla (the integer impaired) Well, that's because as an animal like think you have less fingers than Spatch, who's good at counting to five which explains why he likes nickels so much. I could think of something better, but I'm really sleepy right about now. Ross--who likes nickels, and can count to five, but can't breathe fire, so he thinks it's a tradeoff.
Having had my newsrc zapped again, and having restored it from the automatic triple backups I put in after the first two times, and having it be one session old, so having to read about 40 extra messages, and realizing that trn probably isn't deleting it but some mysterious force -- like the FSF -- is, it's Spatch's European Vacation Journal Previously, in SEVJ, Spatch met a Deranged Lunatic in Finland, Spatch held a cow hostage while making his getaway, Spatch drowned. And now.. Spatch's European Vacation Journal DAY 5 (I think) This morning I was underwater. I thought I was dead. In fact, I was. So was the cow. Fortunately, the cow had inflated with oxygen, so I just induced respiration from it, and presto! Spatch lives. I then took the cow (now, sadly, deflated) and swam up to the surface. I was in some vast, empty body of water. I sign said, "NORTH SEA -- NEXT SIGN 1000 KNOTS," so I figured I must be somewhere in the north. The north of WHAT? I wondered. Well, thinking back, I was just in Finland, so I must be way up in the arctic circle! Thinking that I'd better try to propel myself toward land, I blew the cow up again, hopped on, and locomoted with my feet. In no time at all, I was in some new body of water. There was no sign, but I could feel it -- or was it just something biting at my leg? I turned to look and was face-to-face with a big shark. It looked like a dinosaur. One of the mean ones. Except, underwater. And shaped different. And it was gnawing on me. Thinking fast, I started a fire using my spectacles on some bladderskin I carry around for luck, and waved it around the cow's rear when the shark was in the area, and pushed down on her. Voosh! Man, you'd think creatures that live in the water wouldn't be too flammable, but Mother he did flame up! But I was bleeding from my leg wound -- well, my stump -- rather profusely. I tried to cover it up with tape, but the tape kept slipping. Then I passed out. -- Paul "Ralph" Kautz, D. Lun.
gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime) wrote: :Little Bo Peep epitomizes all the innocence and youth :of nursery rhymes. You know, it was only until today that I realized that nd.edu isn't in North Dakota. I feel so violated. --Bill -- Not Responsible!
Little Bo Peep epitomizes all the innocence and youth of nursery rhymes. But what few people are aware of is what Miss Peep did in her later years. Having never recovered her lost sheep, she soon succumbed to the ravages of poverty and appeared in several low budget pornographic films starring Sylvester Stallone. And now you know the rest of the story.
Boredom Bore Dumb Real Dumb Dumb Ass Jackass Asshole Whole Ass Wholesome Win Some Lose Some Some Times Time Flies Having Fun? Got a Jones Dem Bones Bones to Bridge Bridge to Scotty GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!!!
These days trn thinks my terminal is at least 80 lines long, but it's still Spatch's European Vacation Journal Previously, in SEVJ, Spatch died, Spatch resuscitated himself using an inflated cow, Spatch was bitten by a shark before setting it on fire. And finally... Spatch's European Vacation Journal DAY 6 Today started out great. I was in the ocean, still, but it was suddenly a happy, fun ocean, with cute chirping birds and flowers and waterfalls and stuff. And my dead cow was then a raft made of down. And I had my leg back. And my colon was reverted to its designated function. I woke up when I ran into an iceberg. Well, okay, it wasn't really much of an iceberg. More of a piece of ice. I paddled around it, completely not noticing the cruise liner as it smacked into me. The next thing I knew, a bunch of people in white uniforms were hovering about me. They gave me food and bathing equipment and clothes, so I pretended to keep being sick so they wouldn't make me go off on my own. When we arrived at our destination, I got out and decided to look for my luggage. So I went to the Copenhagen Airport, told them I had lost luggage, and filled out a form. I made up the bits involving tickets, etc. I also fibbed a little on the content, requesting the replacement of $20,000 in gold. After that was taken care of, I decided to check into a hotel. The first one I walked into smelled bad, and I got mugged and had my gold taken. "That's okay," I thought, reflectingly, "money isn't that important." Then they took my clothes. So I walked through the streets of upper Denmark, screaming profanities at passer-byes, and collecting whatever cloth I could find. I settled down in a corner of town known as, roughly, `the police station', for a good night's sleep. -- Paul "Ralph" Kautz, D. Lun. Note: I believe the recurring theme of losing consciousness and dozing off in this journal is related to my frequent yawning while writing and perhaps my incessant complaining about lack of sleep. This illness, known as `dormania' (from the Latin `dor', or _door_), has no known cure. Please contact the Dormania Relief Fund and help us in our seemingly never-ending struggle.
dougbaj@fn1.freenet.edmonton.ab.ca wrote: : Where do some of the subscribers to this newsgroup get your material? : Yipes!! What, you're saying that subscribers to this froup have my material? The thieving bastards. Should have known I couldn't trust them. So I was camping last weekend at Julie creek, and they have this really nice outhouse, all fiberglass with opaque windows and a cement floor and exceptional odor control, which is why I camp there (for the outhouse, Bill. try to keep up). It even has a deadbolt that displays the vacant/occupied sign, which claimed vacant status when I went to use it. I flung the door open, and there was a woman with her pants down around her ankles, doing the elimination thing. I was somewhat suprised to see her there, and she apparently didn't expect to see me, because she let out one of those cute little girly shrieks when I opened the door. I felt a little awkward standing there just staring at her as she tried to pull up her pants, but felt if I just turned around and walked away she might think me rude, or might feel that I thought there was something wrong with what she was doing, so, in an effort to be sociable in an uncomfortable situation I said, "Nice ass." I am now requesting a froup opinion as to the propriety of that statement. I thought it was a flattering ice-breaker, but she made no effort to respond to my sincere overture. -papa, working diligently on self-improvement
The wuqucich red fox jumperd over hte fence To be or not to bethat is the question Whetrher tis nobkler in the mind to sufrffer the sling s nad arrows of outragiosouoeous fortune or tto rtakje arems agaoins t a sea of troube slses and by opposomg on ing end the m, Four score and ten years agao, we did sometHing or other The wuucj quich wuqquicj quicj k red fox kimepr ek jtikk thirty days thath septemner apirol june and november all the treatst jave thirty one exclidonig febnrriuary which has tewenety eotght days clear and trwqenty nice each keap lyeatr. To be or not to be that is the quesion qeutoson queston quws question,
In article <38662142.4445512@ucommon1.commonlink.com> jester@commonlink.com (Dan P. Brooks) writes: >Is all there'll be for me! I turned 18 yesterday! Yeee haw. >-Dan > And you still remember it? Must've been a boring party... *MM
sdc@teleport.com wrote: :Mel (c) wrote: :: little rabbit Fru Fru? :: Reid :: Who even cares about the abusive forest creatures. (Unlike :: PETA) :It was a bunny. Rabbits are food. If Fru Fru was a fluffy one, Anti-JN probably killed it. --Bill (hth) -- Not Responsible!
Magnus at that rot13 address wrot: :What is this "asleep" thing? I'm awake 16 to 18 hrs daily, :and the rest of time I'm berzerking. There have been great :slaughters of kings and noble knights, both man and horse, :and many people have been slain. That's exactly the point. I might doze off during those 16-18 hours--with neck exposed. --Bill (who's king of a hall of sleepy clones) -- Not Responsible!
In some bacon article vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi (Magnus Mulqvist) stated: >In article <41005a$dgb@sunburst.ccs.yorku.ca> yu123005@rufous.yorku.ca (Jeffery Shidei) writes: >>Vikram Khare (vkhare@premier3.premier.net) wrote: >>: Jeffery Shidei (yu123005@rufous.yorku.ca) wrote: > >>: : Yeah...but not today. > >>: : - Jeffzilla (someday I'll know everything!) > >>: Someday? Hmm... > >> Someday bloody someday... > >Monday nothing, Tuesday nothing, Wednesday and >Thursday nothing. Friday again is a whole lot of nothing, >Saturday and Sunday nothing. > >*MM -- who is going to have a nice weekend. Sounds like a nice week to me... /^JN - The Anti JN - Who hasn't the time to do nothing. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In some bacon article Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> stated: >sdc@teleport.com wrote: > >:Mel (c) wrote: >:: little rabbit Fru Fru? > >:: Reid >:: Who even cares about the abusive forest creatures. (Unlike >:: PETA) > >:It was a bunny. Rabbits are food. > >If Fru Fru was a fluffy one, Anti-JN probably killed it. Hmm...let's see: Easter bunny........check. Bugs Bunny..........check. Neighbour's bunny...check. Fluffy slippers.....check. Fru fru.............check. Yup. I got that one. >--Bill (hth) /^JN - The Anti JN - Better check yourself before the bunnys wreck your self. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
I have just invented a product that is going to revolutionize the consumer dairy industry. My product is called Prot-Eggt. It is a specially formulated iron supplement for chickens, desigend to create stronger eggs which survive manhandling in the supermarket, as well as careless manipulation in the kitchen, which, as you may know, results in 43 billion broken eggs -- a (needless) loss of tens of thousands - if not millions - of dollars annually. Farmers add the iron supplement into the chicken feed, and chickens lay iron eggs. In order to use these eggs in the kitchen, the consumer must purchase and employ a custom-designed egg opener (resembling a nut cracker with a concave bottom to fit the egg into snugly), to gently -- but firmly -- pop the iron egg open. If you drop the egg on the floor - no problem! It goes "clang" instead of "ker-splat." Moreover, the iron eggs will save refrigerator space because you won't have to store them in those silly holes in the fridge door, or on a special shelf somewhere -- the new, improve Prot-Eggt's iron shell means that the eggs can be magnetically suspended from the refrigerator ceiling -- a space previously unable to be put to constructive use. Prot-Eggt. Watch for new, improved iron eggs at your supermarket in time for Christmas. -- Gesundheit.
It's on my raingear! I can use it to securely and snugly fit the jacket to me, in order to keep out the rain! It's a MIRACLE! Look for raingear with velcro closures at your supermarket in time for Christmas. -- Gesundheit.
It's 9:41 p.m. on saturday night, and things are exploding outside on the street. But this is Brooklyn, and so I there is no way in hell I am going to stick my fragile head out the window to find out why. What a sick friggin borough, I tell ya. -- Gesundheit.
Tortess (tortess@panix.com) updated the curious masses: I stuck my head outside. You'll all be relieved to learn it was fireworks, not a hostage situation. I should have known. I mean, what's the likelihood of two hostage situations in a row on the same street? -- Gesundheit.
tortess@panix.com {Tortess} wrote:
:It's 9:41 p.m. on saturday night, and things are exploding
:outside on the street.
No, no, no. It's 4:10 a.m. on sunday morning, and ALL'S WELL!!!
:But this is Brooklyn...
oh
:...and so I there is no way in hell
I thought you said it was Brooklyn.
:I am going to stick my fragile head out the window to find out
:why.
Please don't do that.
:What a sick friggin borough, I tell ya.
What a stick figure burro, I'll sell ya.
--
Gesundheit.
Yer welcom.
--Bill (time for bed)
--
Not Responsible!
Four twenty-five ay-em and ALL'S WELLLL!!!! --Bill -- Not Responsible!
Bill Wilkinson (70325.1137@CompuServe.COM) spoke too soon: : FOUR TWENTY-SEVEN AY-EM AN...ow! : Hey! Let go of me! ow! Put down that nightstick! : ow! ow! ow! Bill? BILL??!! It's 7:44 a.m. on sunday! We haven't heard a word or seen a pixel from you in three hours and seventeen minutes! BILL????? Say, if you're, like, you know, well... I GET HIS MONITOR!!!!!!! (aND HIS MOUTH FIGURINES and HIS [ ].) -- Gesundheit.
Despite the fact the the giant mother of the ancient Scandinavian gods bore them from her armpit, and that they killed her for it, it's Spatch's European Vacation Journal Previously, in SEVJ, Spatch got hit by a big boat, Spatch collected gobs of gold, Spatch was robbed, and slept naked by the police station in Copenhagen. And now... Spatch's European Vacation Journal DAY 7 Today, I met a few new friends. I woke up in a jail cell with 7 other naked men (for I was naked at the time), and although there was still a language barrier, I think we understood each other. I do believe that the universal sign for peace is `jump on the bench, jerk your head from side to side and pretend you are practiced in martial arts'. In a few hours, a guard came and removed me, which was fortunate because my neck was getting tired. I was taken into a conference room and beaten. Then, they gave me a robe. I was to be sent out on the street just as I had come in, but with the robe, and the gold I had reported missing -- they were very fair about that. Well, what would you know but right as I got out, I found my clothes! Some cretin was trying to peddle them, so I went and traded them for my gold. The cretin was more than happy. But most importantly, I got my colostomy bag back! And not at all too soon! For the rest of the day, I ran through the streets and broke shop windows and set fire to old ladies. Then the mafia caught me, and took me to their hideout. Well, the hideout was... modest. And when I say `their', I mean it in the loosest sense -- there was only one of them. And mafia -- truth be told, he was a dentist. But a very poor dentist! And he had guns. Knowing that dentistry and munitions don't mix, I tried to make a break for the window, but he zapped me with some sort of lasertag equipment. I stood still, unable to figure out how to react. Just then, Don Knotts burst in through the walls. Actually, it was a large balloon rendition of Don Knotts. Seizing my chance, I dove through the wall out into the street, where there was general mass hysteria going on from some sort of parade accident -- a textbook `cover'! I found the George Bush float, climbed up to the balloon, and stepped inside. There wasn't much oxygen in there. I passed out. -- Paul "Ralph" Kautz, D. Lun.
Anyone seen my vacuum cleaner? -- Gesundheit.
Mine feels better after that last trip upstairs, thanks. -- Gesundheit.
Mmmmmm.... just like mama used to make. If I were Italian. And if my mother, had I had one, would have cooked. Andd if I liked the crudddy stuff in the first place. -- Gesundheit.
In some bacon article John Klopper <klopp@neurosun.medsch.ucla.edu> stated: >Speaking of Nixon as we are, I stole his head. >That's right. I have the head of Richard Nixon >in my freezer. I'd like to get rid of it. >The bidding will start at 10000 dollars. Your actually going to pay someone 10000 bucks to take care of Nixon's frozen head? Wise up, nobody'll do it for less than 100000... /^JN - The Anti JN - Not that desperate. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In <DDGqvr.4FM@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU> Chewbacca writes:
>
>vkhare@premier3.premier.net (Vikram Khare) writes:
>> O.k........everybody! She's really not a Princess!!
>
>So I guess she's not really Luke Skywalker's sister then.
Nope... I tried out for the part, but I couldn't wrap my hair
into the shape of any breakfast pastry, so I didn't get it...
But there is an..o...ther... Sk..y....wal...ker...
Princess WhiteGoat
I bought one, filled it with bird seed, hung it up on the balcony, and have watched it all afternooon. Not one damn bird. How long does it take them to sprout? --Bill (should i water it?) -- Not Responsible!
In <418f0v$hmn$5@mhadf.production.compuserve.com> Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> writes: > >I bought one, filled it with bird seed, hung it up >on the balcony, and have watched it all afternooon. > >Not one damn bird. > >How long does it take them to sprout? > >--Bill (should i water it?) > >-- >Not Responsible! My cat feeds birds to himself, but lately, "Not one damn bird". Michael, who's quoting Bill
Bill Wilkinson (70325.1137@CompuServe.COM) wrote: : I bought one, filled it with bird seed, hung it up : on the balcony, and have watched it all afternooon. : Not one damn bird. : How long does it take them to sprout? : --Bill (should i water it?) Within a week of erecting (that's proper bird-feeder nomenclature, mind you, not passing titilation) our bird feeder, we grew three squirrels and a rat. But alas, no birds. -- Gesundheit.
Tortess (tortess@panix.com) wrote: : Bill Wilkinson (70325.1137@CompuServe.COM) wrote: : : I bought one, filled it with bird seed, hung it up : : on the balcony, and have watched it all afternooon. : : Not one damn bird. : : How long does it take them to sprout? : : --Bill (should i water it?) : Within a week of erecting (that's proper bird-feeder nomenclature, mind : you, not passing titilation) our bird feeder, we grew three squirrels and : a rat. But alas, no birds. : -- : Gesundheit. I know how to grow birds, 'cause I'm a Big Frog. You'd all know now if you had gone to the seminar, but instead you chose to sit back and comment on how you're not using innuendo and using the word titilation to do so, I mean come on, what is this, the U.S. Open? Ross--who's growing birds left and right, and you could too, but the Holiday Inn kicked me out on his tail (well, technically he doesn't have a tail, and never did, he's a Big Frog--there's a difference).
Bill Wilkinson (70325.1137@CompuServe.COM) wrote: : \*Tortess*\ tortess@panix.com revealed her great age: : :...my mother, had I had one... : ummm...do you have a belly-button? : --Bill (spatch? can you confirm?) SPATCH WAS NOWHERE NEAR MY HOUSE LAST SATURDAY NIGHT! HOW THE HELL WOULD HE KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MY BELLY-BUTTON? And for the record, I have no idea how his shoes got under my couch. Bill, you have touched on a very sensitive topic. It is true, I never had a mother. The fact is, I was hatched from an iron egg. But I never even had a chicken for a mother, for you see, mine was a miraculous birth from a mechanical carnival chicken. That's what the people who raised me told me, anyway. I don't know, maybe someday I'll find out it was all a lie. But for now, it remains a very sensitive subject. -- Gesundheit.
Magnus Mulqvist (vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi) waited for tortess to fill in
the missing details:
: In article <808934356snz@troas.demon.co.uk> Andy D <andy@troas.demon.co.uk> writes:
: > o
: > -|-
: > M
: >>---
' ' ' ' ' ' '
: -|- ' ' ' ' ' ' '
: M ' ' . . . o
: *MM & Tortess
--
Gesundheit.
I heard somewhere (I don't remember where) that scientists recently developed squirrel and rat seeds and that you can now grow them in your own backyard! Is this true?!? I don't get out much, so please leave a message after the beep. Thank you.
In <418sip$it3@news.nd.edu> gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime) writes: > >When worms kiss, do they often choose the wrong end? > >Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh............... I hear that's how these self-fertilizing hermaphrodites like it, the little perverts!
When socks kiss, do they ever experience static cling? Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....................
In article <DDn6En.1AI@murdoch.acc.Virginia.EDU> kaj@localhost (Kaj Groner) writes: > Kaj >BTW, I once put too much quik in my milk and was able to control my mouse, >but then it still had lots of lag. Well well well well well, look who's here! And still working for Quik! We thought you were lust^H^H^H^Hloose^H^H^H^H^Hgone forever. *MM
kaj@localhost (Kaj Groner) wrote: :In article <40k6iv$5pp@news.computek.net>, :James Bragg <jsbragg@computek.net> wrote: :>It appears that I have crazy glued my butt to my chair in front :>of my PC and I can't get up.... :> :>I inadvertently put a tube of glue in my back pocket earlier :>today and forgot about it. I have just realized the result... :> :>Any suggestions???? I'm not going anywhere.... :Errrr. I find it a little wierd, that you had a pocket on your :butt to begin with, James. You mean you DON'T??? BTW, welcome back. --Bill (and fix your home page, damnit! it won't respond) -- Not Responsible!
When the French kiss, do they.... oh nevermind.
In article <40taul$11i@sulla.cyberstore.ca>, (Alan Rock) wrote: <my vorpal blade goes snicker snack> > > >Waitaminute! You said "getting _him_ out." What kind of > >cow was that, anyway???? > > >--Bill Sounds like bull to me! Ha, ha, ha, ho, ho, ho, ahem. Reid Who grew up on a farm so he can tell one from the udder.
In article <c-2008951055210001@64.233.med.umich.edu> c (Mel) writes: >><forddavi@pilot.msu.edu> wrote: >> tortess@panix.com (Tortess) wrote: >> >sdc@teleport.com wrote: >> >: What can be said about Soda Pop? >> >> >> Sometimes it's flat and that's when I like to pour it all over my cat. I >> don't pour the carbonated stuff on him cuz it burns his skin. Tha cat >> likes to have flat pop poured on it, and peanut butter shampoo. I don't >> like to pet it very often, though...in fact I don't pet it at all because >> it stinks and it's greasy and sticky and disgusting. >> >> Davis >Like a furry Gouta? Gouta gets furry only when kept in a too high temperature. Fridge is recommended. (Unless, of course, if you like furry cheese.) *MM
In article <vtkk.v1wki.1367.010AC4CD@elvi.vtkk.fi>, vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi (Magnus Mulqvist) wrote: <snip, snip, and snip> > > >Like a furry Gouta? > > Gouta gets furry only when kept in a too high temperature. > Fridge is recommended. (Unless, of course, if you like furry > cheese.) > > *MM You can always scrape the fur off to eat the cheese below. The fur never seems to penetrate too deep below the surface. The fur itself tastes great when mixed with Potted Meat Food Product from Armour. Reid Who isn't feeling to good right now in his tummy.
In article <41bcbh$sc5$4@mhadg.production.compuserve.com>,
Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> wrote:
>Can someone tell me how to properly pronounce "hth?"
Yes.
>And is it said the same as "HTH?"
No.
>THANX!!!
You're welcome.
>--Bill
David -- Who sincerely hopes that hurt.
--
David Weldon |"I'm not giving in to security, under pressure.
| I'm not missing out on the promise of adventure.
David.Weldon@tus.ssi1.com| I'm not giving up on implausible dreams.
weldon@scf.usc.edu | Experience to extremes..."-RUSH 'The Enemy Within'
tortess@panix.com (Tortess) said: >When limes kiss, do they pucker? Excuse me, miss. I do not, never have, and never will puck. I am saving myself for marriage. >Errrrrrrrrr................................ Sounds like you need a new muffler.
hmmmmm...IS there?
Misha (mike@geophy.curtin.edu.au) wrote: : Dear estupidos alternativos, : I am just writing to let you know that I magnetised my nose. : Ciao Hey, don't do that. Ross--who's starting to get so very tired.
In article <413f2g$699@linda.teleport.com>, <sdc@teleport.com> wrote: >I really like sandwiches. My favorite is oatmeal and cottage cheese with >lots of mustard on raisin bread. I don't like it when the oatmeal and the mustard cooperate. Gives me chills. Real ones. If you've got a lot of extra mustard and bread lying around, why not stencil a nice design on it, and mail it to your favorite corporation? Kaj then there was verk (EDGE TWILL)
Later November? Mid December? (I'm waiting for this girl to call me back.)
In article <41e7c4$c6k@news.nd.edu>, Keylime <gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu> wrote: * Later November? Mid December? * * (I'm waiting for this girl to call me back.) Well, sorry to tell you, BUB, but you're going to be waiting a LONG time -- in most regions of the US it's early January. HTH! -- Pr. Paul "Ralph" Kautz, D. Lun.
When a chameleon looks in a mirror, what color is it?
Uurrhhg. Too many pretzels... Spatch's European Vacation Journal Previously, in SEVJ, Spatch falls out of the sky and into your heart, Spatch snuggles up close to an unspecified piece of farm equipment. And now, with no added salt, Spatch's European Vacation Journal DAY 10 I awoke this morning with a start. My bed was moving! It soon bucked me, and, in the light, I was able to make it out to be a TV satellite. Ah yes, the agricultural community at their best. Groggily in began today's segment of the search for luggage. I took this farmer's car, since I knew that he was just sitting down to watch TV and wouldn't need it for several days. It was one of those oddball Lithuanian cars -- `Vaidintuve', which describes more the driver than the car. It had 8 randomly placed gears, no clutch, and the speedometer was in `hectares per long ounce', which really got me confused. However, it was full of whatever it ran on, and the key was in it. All I had to do was put on the wheels, and vroom!, off I went. Roadsigns were in French, which I figured was a good sign -- I must be getting closer to France! In fact, one of the signs told me that Paris was a mere 250km away! Woo-hoo! Along I drive. That is, until the `Vaidintuve' ran out of prune juice or whatever kept it going that long. With still 225km to Paris, I figured I had a long walk ahead of me. Then, in an amazing stroke of luck, I found some little kids on scooters. I took one and tore of the handlebar part, making a little skateboard. I then hitched rides on traffic and listened to music by "Huey Lewis and the News" which had no apparent source. Finally, just as I was going mad from hearing "The Power of Love" for the 60th time, I was nearing Paris! I hopped off, stopping the horrid soundtrack, and threw the skateboard into one of the sidewalk bonfires (less manpower than waste bins, they say). It was late, so I took my usual spot of repast -- the street. Paris was a lot warmer than Copenhagen. The clothes probably helped. -- Paul "Ralph" Kautz, D. Lun.
Bill Wilkinson (70325.1137@CompuServe.COM) wrote: : ..what do you do? : --Bill I get out of the car before the driver goes over.
Ever notice how you can draw some art and then the whole world is also drawing that same art? Like ferinstance, the other day I was doodling and I drew a picture of my new window in my office. It was installed on the first business day of 1995. Therefore, I called my art "Window 95." And wouldn't you know, suddenly I see a very similar phrase, with a nearly identical drawing, showing up all over town! That's why I say, "Art, and the whole world arts along with you." -- Gesundheit.
tortess@panix.com (Tortess) wrote: :Fart, and the whole world farts along with you. _YOU_ fart????!!! --Bill (innoscents lost) :Ever notice? So that's what's been causi...causin...aaahhh!!! :-- :Gesundheit. Sorry. Here... -- Not responsible!
In some bacon article ed@kildare.demon.co.uk (Jim Wraith) stated:
>gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime) wrote:
>>9:00 AM Alarm goes off. Wake up.
>It takes you an hour to wake up!?! When I wake up, it's usually an
>instant thing; <blink> I'm asleep <blink> I'm awake.
^^^^^^^
You misspelled "</blink>". And actually, it sucks.
>>10:00 AM Get out of bed.
>21 minutes to get out of bed? Are you a sloth?
Don't be stupid, he's a _Keylime_!
>>10:21 AM Clip my toenails.
>>10:55 AM Clip my fingernails.
>55 minutes to clip both your fingernails and toenails.
Yup, Keylimes have a lot of fingers and toes.
>>11:20 AM Vacuum rug to clean up clippings.
>40 minutes vacuumong?
My (25 m^2) flat takes about a week to vacuum.
6.9 days of motivation and 0.1 days of actual vacuum.
Since it takes so long I only vacuum once a season.
>>12:00 PM Eat a bologna sandwich.
>20 minutes to eat a sandwich?
Must be a big submarine sandwich.
>>12:20 PM Wash my hair.
>>12:45 PM Rinse.
>20 minutes to rinse!?! You must use a lot of shampoo.
No, Keylime only follows the usual recipe:
Lather, Rinse, Repeat. Takes a while to get finished with that one.
>>1:00 PM Go outside. Sniff the air. Scratch butt.
>10 minutes just scratching your butt!
Yeah, scratching your butt feels so nice...
>>1:10 PM Do a few situps.
>What, for 50 minutes?!?
He must have stopped at 5 situps.
>>2:00 PM Ricki Lake.
>What about her?
If you don't know that, I'm not going to tell you.
>>2:30 PM Siesta.
>Hmm... I see it doesn't take you an hour to wake up THIS time.
Silly, it's just a siesta.
>>3:00 PM Post to alt.stupidity.
>For an hour? I usually make up my posts as I go along
Well, it takes a while if you have to make your own posts like
Keylime does. First you have to find the wood, then shape them
into rough posts, then sharpening...etc.
Just making a followup is no big deal, just take the old post,
resharpen it and of it goes.
>>4:00 PM Get dressed.
>For an hour, also!?
Just because you always find a pair of matched socks right away...
(I usually spend 1-2 hours looking for socks. Never find any, though.)
>>5:00 PM Go to grocery store. See if new shipment of
>> corn has arrived.
>Hmm...
I love the smell of new corn i the afternoon.
>>5:15 PM Sit out in backyard.
>>6:00 PM Contemplate the wonderment of our existance.
>Then do you take _more_ drugs?
Never heard of "_more_" drugs. I've heard about "soft" and "hard" drugs,
but never "_more_" drugs. What is it?
>>8:30 PM Drive around town in mobile home. Honk at
>> all the beautiful babes.
>'Honk if you love Donald'*
'Honk for a Bonk'+
>>9:00 PM Return to trailer park. Bedtime.
G'night!
>* See Gary Larson.
+ See Gary Larson Run. Run Gary Larson. Run.
/^JN - The Anti JN - Word for the post: antic.
--
####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> #######
# The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." #
# Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se #
############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
`Proctor' should be the title of proctological doctors, Spatch's European Vacation Journal Previously, in SEVJ, Spatch high-tails out of a farm in a Lithuanian lemon, Spatch sleeps on the streets of Paris. And now, Spatch's European Vacation Journal DAY 11 French, French, French -- I'm SICK of French! French at the police station, French at the cafeteria, French at the pediatrician's -- Urrgh! It's enough to make a crazy man less crazy, but in a different way, more so! At least I found the airport. I just followed the aircraft. At Baggage Claim, I tried in vain to express my difficulty, until they found someone who had apparently taken an English class. ME: I lost my baggage a week and a half ago.. EM: Ah oui! We send elephants on airport manicure! ME: No, no -- my BAGGAGE .. Les luggages .. EM: Euh.. Cats have fever stripes on holiday? ME: Please-- I just want my stuff! EM: Mango sanctuary frightened woolly. Fanlib marble eggs quotient. Adieu! .. And then he walked away. So, I decided the only way I would find anything would be to search around myself. Unfortunately, it was a pretty big airport, and I got lost. Then, in one of the maintenance walkways, I saw the English-speaker. I called out to him, and he and his companions started towards me. Then, they beat me up and threw me through some ventilation shaft. I came out in some baggage rover on the way to some airplane, and zonked out again. -- Th' Irrev. Rf. Paul Kautz, D. Lun.
In article <41fvu9$7mc@panix3.panix.com> tortess@panix.com (Tortess) writes: >I am packing up my office (next week is my last here at Heaven on Earth) >and my question is this: I have decided to take with me the firm's >computer, an end-table, and some sensitive documents before I go. I have >slipped the documents, unnoticed, into a large manila envelope. But I am >concerned that on my way out the door, the envelope may open and the >sensitive documents may fall out all over the floor. So I would like to >scotch-tape the envelope closed -- but would that be stealing? Taking the >scotch-taped like that. I mean, it's the firm's tape, and I didn't pay >for it, and I'd be using it for a personal reason, having nothing to do >with work. Give all that stuff to an emissary and emit him to your home address. There you ask general P. Failure to smite him down so you can regain your valuables. What could be easier? (Except perhaps to drink a glass of beer) *MM
Well, my fellow stupidians, I am now off to Germany for a year, where
I'm not sure if I'll have internet access (They've told me I will, but
those Germans have a reputation for lying to Polish people, so we'll
see...)... If I don't, you'll have to live w/o my inspiring banter
for a year or so... If so, well, I'll see y'all again in another
coupla weeks, when I settle in... This'll give you a bit of time
to talk about me and my sordid past behind my back for awhile, since
Flapjack and his butt'll be back soon for frontal ridicule, no
doubt... I'm sure I'll miss all of your stupidness during my haitus...
Until later, my tilted blunderbusses...
Princess WhiteGoat
--followups to gkozbial@sophia.smith.edu
In article <41dgoi$cjt@atlas.tus.ssi1.com> tweldond@atlas.tus.ssi1.com (David Weldon) writes:
> O-^--* \o/
> / /| X
> _|| / \
Ha! One per capita...
--*
/| /X\
_|| / \
*MM -- waiting for The Finishers.
In article <41bfae$f48@news.nd.edu> gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime) writes: >tortess@panix.com (Tortess) said: >>When limes kiss, do they pucker? >Excuse me, miss. I do not, never have, and never will puck. I >am saving myself for marriage. Hehehe... I first read that "shaving myself"... that was pretty cool. *MM
In some bacon article gkozbial@ix.netcom.com (Princess WhiteGoat ) stated: > >Well, my fellow stupidians, I am now off to Germany for a year, where >I'm not sure if I'll have internet access (They've told me I will, but >those Germans have a reputation for lying to Polish people, so we'll >see...)... (Most notably: Arbeit macht frei) > If I don't, you'll have to live w/o my inspiring banter >for a year or so... If so, well, I'll see y'all again in another >coupla weeks, when I settle in... This'll give you a bit of time >to talk about me and my sordid past behind my back for awhile, since >Flapjack and his butt'll be back soon for frontal ridicule, no >doubt... We can only hope, otherwise things might get a bit boring. Although, we can always talk a bit about guotas and such. > I'm sure I'll miss all of your stupidness during my haitus... You miss it, we hit it. > Until later, my tilted blunderbusses... > Princess WhiteGoat Bye bye! /^JN - The Anti JN - Hit stupidian. Word of the post: "anticipate" -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In article <416n4b$al5@nic.lth.se>, dat92jni@ludat.lth.se (Anti JN) wrote: > In some bacon article Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> stated: > >sdc@teleport.com wrote: Mel (c) wrote: <----Who is really Reid, boy am I stupid (Reid) > >:: little rabbit Fru Fru? > >:: Reid > >:It was a bunny. Rabbits are food. > >If Fru Fru was a fluffy one, Anti-JN probably killed it. > Hmm...let's see: > Easter bunny........check. > Bugs Bunny..........check. > Neighbour's bunny...check. > Fluffy slippers.....check. > Fru fru.............check. > Yup. I got that one. > > >--Bill (hth) Anti-JN killed the Easter Bunny? Bastard. That explains so much. He must have done it right about the time I moved out of my parents house, cuz right after that the Easter Bunny stopped coming to my basket! Say...you better not have anything to do with Santa not visiting! Reid Who has accidentally been posting as Mel because he is an idiot and didn't check the newsreader prefs.
In article <416n4b$al5@nic.lth.se>, dat92jni@ludat.lth.se (Anti JN) wrote: > In some bacon article Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> stated: > >sdc@teleport.com wrote: Mel (c) wrote: <----Who is really Reid, boy am I stupid (Reid) > >:: little rabbit Fru Fru? > >:: Reid > >:It was a bunny. Rabbits are food. > >If Fru Fru was a fluffy one, Anti-JN probably killed it. > Hmm...let's see: > Easter bunny........check. > Bugs Bunny..........check. > Neighbour's bunny...check. > Fluffy slippers.....check. > Fru fru.............check. > Yup. I got that one. > > >--Bill (hth) Anti-JN killed the Easter Bunny? Bastard. That explains so much. He must have done it right about the time I moved out of my parents house, cuz right after that the Easter Bunny stopped coming to my basket! Say...you better not have anything to do with Santa not visiting! Reid Who has accidentally been posting as Mel because he is an idiot and didn't check the newsreader prefs.
Magnus Mulqvist (vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi) wrote: : In article <41dhv6$27t@news.bu.edu> limrag@bu.edu (Ross Garmil) writes: : >Michael Roach (mikroa@ix.netcom.com) wrote: : >: In <41as2b$mmq@news.bu.edu> limrag@bu.edu (Ross Garmil) writes: : >: > : >: >Tortess (tortess@panix.com) wrote: : >: >: Bill Wilkinson (70325.1137@CompuServe.COM) wrote: : >: >Ross--who's growing birds left and right, and you could too, but the : >: Holiday : >: >Inn kicked me out on his tail (well, technically he doesn't have a : >: tail, and : >: >never did, he's a Big Frog--there's a difference). : >: Didn't you have a tail when you were a tad smaller? : >Ross--who wonders how stoopid people can get. : What? Whaddaya mean? Am I missing something? : *MM Yeah, you're missing a tail. But it's ok, you got plenty of heads in your hall closet, so that's cool, too. Ross--who only has about 3 or 5 heads in his hall closet.
In article <41iggb$2lm@panix3.panix.com> tortess@panix.com (Tortess) writes: >! >-- >Gesundheit. ¤ -- Krankheit.
On 24 Aug 1995 14:33:57 -0400, Tortess <tortess@panix.com> wrote: > Tortess (tortess@panix.com) wrote: > > > : This page intentionally left balk. > : -- > : Gesundheit. > > BLANK, dammit, BLANK!!!!!! Blank! This page intentionally left BLANK!!!!!!!! > -- > Gesundheit. Hmm.. Nah! I like balk better. It makes more sense, y'know. cagey -- who doesn't like balk as much as mulch or duct-tape, though
In article <41igj7$2mc@panix3.panix.com> tortess@panix.com (Tortess) writes: >This page intentionally left balk. >-- Here's this friggin' "intentionally" thing again. I'm starting to miss the guota. *MM -- who's hit the guota several times.
vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi (Magnus Mulqvist) wrote: :In article <41igj7$2mc@panix3.panix.com> tortess@panix.com :(Tortess) writes: :>This page intentionally left balk. :>-- "Here's this friggin' "intentionally" thing again. I'm starting :to miss the guota. :*MM -- who's hit the guota several times. But you failed to decapitate it. Nothing to be ashamed of, though. I've failed to explode it. --Bill (the place is a mess...) -- Not responsible!
cagey@grfn.org (Cagey) wrote: >On 24 Aug 1995 03:23:05 GMT, Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> wrote: > > tortess@panix.com (Tortess) wrote: > > > > :Fart, and the whole world farts along with you. > > > > _YOU_ fart????!!! > > > > --Bill (innoscents lost) > >Shouldn't that be "inner scents lost"? > >cagey -- who likes 'em obvious > You missspellled it. In true Latin, it is: "iner ciencius lostibus". A.S. -- who licks them, obviously.
In article <41ljjp$23d@news.bu.edu> limrag@bu.edu (Ross Garmil) writes: >Jim Wraith (ed@kildare.demon.co.uk) wrote: >: limrag@bu.edu (Ross Garmil) wrote: >: >>Ted J. Olson (tolson@omnifest.uwm.edu) wrote: >: >>: You know, I'm just waiting for my head to explode. >: >>: Chris >: >>Yeah, well tell me something I don't know. >: I'm one of the aliens on the Roswell autopsy film! After the autopsy, >: I picked up my body parts and fitted them back on with sellotape! >Who doesn't know that? And didn't Bill post that last month? >Ross--who's looking for his Captain Plaiergism cape and stuff. Whoa! It's an ancient theme to put people together from loose parts and leftovers. Legendary Eve was constructed of a rib and whatever stuff there was hanging around the Paradise Beach. The finnish national epos, Kalevala, tells about a shy blacksmith who built himself a wife (and later decapitated the evil Master of the North who seduced her/it, which has always impressed me), Ariadne (?) was moulded from sea foam, Shelley designed herself a walking talkig living doll, and so on and so on and sh... well. *MM
What they do?
They smilin' in your face.
all the time they want to take your place, the backstabbers...
backstabbers....
somebody's out to get your lady but a few of your buddies sure do look shady.
In fact, it's cold as hell.
I'm a Rocket Man.
Rocket Man.
I can see clearly now, the rain is gone.
I can see all obstacles in my way.
Gone are the dark clouds that had me blind
it's gonna be a bright bright sun shiny day.
You see I've been to the desert on a horse with no name
it felt good to be out of the rain.
In the desert, you can't remember your name, cause there aint no one for to
give you no pain.
la la la la lala la la la la la.......
la la la la lala la la la la la......
"...the verbal hydra..."
"Have Flame, Will Travel"
semy@msg.ti.com
Well, I finally got sick of the old news server, so starting today, it's some other one. Here's yesterday's, which didn't get through, Spatch's European Vacation Journal Previously, in SEVJ, Spatch gets beat up and passes out on a baggage cart in a Parisian airport. Kaj finfine... Spatch's European Vacation Journal DAY 11 I woke up today falling out of an airplane. At first I thought it was the usual dream, but then I noticed that the plane wasn't moving, so it must have been real. Yes, I was being emptied out, and was on my way to baggage retrieval, in some new and exciting airport. But which? As I fell onto the moving ramp, I took a swan pose, which would surely take them off guard (and it did). I looked up at the sign -- EATHROW. Well, I wonder where THIS is, I thought. Then I saw another sign that had an `H' before the EATHROW, and I knew. "Well," I thought. "Isn't THIS convenient -- back on the old schedule, are we? Everything going as planned, hm?" Just then I was approached by flower-bearing pajama-garbed Rajneeshes, who mugged me and dragged me into their back room. Groggily, I demanded of my captors, "Take me to your leader!" One replied, "O Bhagwan, you ARE our leader." Finally, things are looking up. They dipped me in a vat of pickle juice, propped me up in a big chair and started praying towards me. Realizing my advantage, I tried to see if they were into the old `Do thy will' bit -- "Can I get a cup of coffee around here, or WHAT?" I shouted. Sure enough, they came to me with coffee. And poured it down my pants. Apparently the system needed a little refinement. They then started pumping hallucinogenics into my bloodstream. My body, knowing how interesting this was going to get, decided to stop functioning for a bit. Fortunately, the Rajneeshes are prepared for this, and brought out the Bhagwan's defibrillator. Ah, electricity and drugs, what more is there to life (as the immortal Dr. Fu Man Chu once posed)? Suddenly, I was in a field. There were flowers, and trees, and butterflies, and Rajneeshes. And I was naked. And yet, I felt a sense of security here. I started to bound about in joy and happiness. Then I ran smack into a metal water duct. Ah, the joys of hallucinating. My last thoughts in consciousness were happy. -- Th' Irrev. Rf. Paul Kautz, D. Lun.
Watch for board game and action figures, it's
Spatch European Vacation Journal
Previously, in SEVJ,
Spatch was captured by Rajneeshes in Heathrow,
Spatch became their leader and was infused with hallucinogens,
Spatch ran into a metal pipe he did not see.
And now, in 3-D in some states,
Spatch's European Vacation Journal
DAY 13
Today was unusually grand. I awoke with an awful hangover (what WAS that
they fed me?) and a hankerin' for something fresh. I was fed sticky buns
and Mentos, and when sufficiently alert, I took stock. I had new clothes --
in fact, I was dressed like a cross between Caedfil and Elvis Presley. And
I had no colostomy bag! Oh, no! But wait, I didn't seem to have any
holes in my abdomin, either.. I took a dump then, to test, and sure enough,
I bore no mark of colostomy. Yes, I had been healed by the power of the
Rajneeshes! I then decided to take my followers out on a missions -- a mission
to spread the joy and restock the Mentos (I was particularly not-so-fresh
this morning, and had made quite a dent in the supplies).
Out of the maintenance shafts we went, to spread the word and fetch the Mentos.
At first, people looked at us strangely, but they got over it. Except for
one. He was staring at us frightfully. I went over to speak to him.
HIM: Th.. The angels.. Have you come to take me away?
ME: No, not really, but I suppose we could. Where do you want to go?
HIM: The Kingdom of H--actually, you know, I do have a lunch meeting, if
you could drop me off by seventh I'd be obliged.
ME: Not at all, my good man.
At that, we absorbed him into our crowd. Onward we trudged. Now that we
had touched a soul, we were on to mission 2 -- the search for Freshness.
At the seventh store, we finally found paydirt. As I exited with the
boxes full of freshness, a police officer ("bobby", I think his name was)
had just noticed that I had parked my Rajneeshes (all 40 or so) in a
handicapped zone. He started towards me. There was only one thing I could
do -- I pulled out a package of Mentos, and popped out a piece. Suddenly,
I was in action. I was running across the walkway, freshly, with
Bobby in pursuit. Just as I turned a corner, I found a gun. I picked
it up, and shot Bobby. With his last strokes of energy, he looked up at
me, as if to say, "Why? How did you become so.. fresh?" I held out
to him my Mentos, and gave a fresh grin, and then he died. I never
felt more fresh in my life than in that moment.
At the hotel, my mates were discontent. "Why so glum," I inquired. One
replied, "O Bhagwan, we are sad, because tomorrow we must eat you."
Yes, being a dynamic religion while still maintaining blind obedience
was tough these days, and required a low longetivity of Bhagwans.
That night, when all the Rajneeshes were sound asleep, I split, never
again to be Bhagwan Spatch.
However, it was late, and I was tired, so I fell asleep right where I
was -- on the top of a bus.
-- Th' Irrev. Rf. Paul Kautz, D. Lun.
>From A to Moo, it's Spatch's European Vacation Journal Previously, in SEVJ, Spatch experiences Mentosis, Spatch finds himself no longer in need of his colostomy equipment, Spatch goes on a quest for love and Mentos with his band of crazed Rajneeshes, Spatch's Rajneesh band turns on him, so he escapes in the night, sleeping on top of a bus. And now -- the THRILLING, CHILLING conclusion to Spatch's European Vacation Journal DAY 14 After sleeping on top of the bus, I found myself growing hair and fangs and such. All of a sudden, I felt this urge to pretend like I'm surfing on top of a moving vehicle -- I had turned into Michael J. Fox! Then I woke up. Ok, yes, I had actually slept on top of a bus. No, I am not as hairy as a wolf. Yes, I have fangs, but they're the removable, party favor kind. No, I am NOT Michael J. Fox -- now that was a relief. After this nightmare, I Freshened up with some of my ransacked Freshmaker, and took stock. I was on a bus, the bus was on a highway, the bus was going very fast. Unusually fast. In fact, around 88.8 -- NO! Oh, then I realized we were in Europe still, and who knows how many kilometers it would be? Not me, anyway. Nothing to worry about. Really. Then, the bus started to pick up speed. When we really were bookin' it, it turned off the highway and onto a field. Yes, the ride was all the tougher for me, the guy trying to hang on to the roof, the bumpier it got. Luckily, we weren't in the field too long -- we drove right into the ocean. Ever speeding up, gravity never stood a chance. Then it dawned on me -- the bus would BLOW UP if it slowed down! Oh no! I quickly jumped off into the safety of the middle of the Atlantic. Not having a cow to float on, I quickly sank. Fortunately, I happened to have an oxygen tank in my Bhagwan clothes -- the Bhagwan never asphyxiates. But, I kept sinking, and sinking, until I hit the bottom. There, I met a dolphin, who took me to the Leader of the Fish People, King Arby. King Arby gave me a series of yes-or-no questions, which I could answer through neck movements. ARBY: (gargling) Ooo, wah yuugi? ME: (huh?) ARBY: (still gargling) Weeoh ouija eegum booyah? ME: (confused silence) ARBY: (angry gargle) Foogum wally Arby! Iggy wonga choochoo! Then, two fish-men with handguns started pushing me around. I, however, knew the principles of guns these days, and made a break for it. They fired, and threw their weapons down in disgust, for they would not ignite. I took my oxygen tank and let out pressure to propel myself to the surface. I passed out from lack of oxygen. When I awoke, I was floating around in some harbor. I swam to the dock, and from there ran to the nearest airport. There, I picked up my luggage (why would it be anywhere else?) and rented a car. All night I drove, through rain, up hills, over pedestrians, in tunnels, until finally I reached home. My family was shocked. They all stood around staring at me as I dripped and stank from my journeys. In crisis mode, I thought fast, and reached for my Mentos. Popping a piece into my mouth, I dressed up in a red hat and jacket, made a pizza, slipped outside and rang the doorbell. After distracting their astonishment, I went next door where the neighbor was watering his lawn with weed killer, took a quick shower and dressed myself exotically in deceased weeds, and slipped him the pizza money as a bribe. When I returned to my family, they recognized that I had just come home >from a vacation to an exotic land. The planticide gave my skin a rash which made me look burnt, which added to the `tropical' effect. As they welcomed me in for some pizza, I looked over to the neighbor. He looked over at me scornfully. However, when I showed him my Mentos package, he laughed understandingly, and thanked his lucky stars that he had come so close to freshness. Well, that's the end. I'm home, I'm fresh, I'm slowly decaying from chemicals. Time to relax. THE END ? -- Paul Kautz, D. Lun.
It seems that the newsfeeders in both Denver and Omaha have broken down and I haven't heard from either of them all day. I really do worry about those stupid little idiots. --Bill (still paying off the lawsuits from the last time they got loose) -- Not Responsible!
In article <41bfae$f48@news.nd.edu> gmoriart@grieg.helios.nd.edu (Keylime) writes: >tortess@panix.com (Tortess) said: >>When limes kiss, do they pucker? >Excuse me, miss. I do not, never have, and never will puck. I >am saving myself for marriage. Hehehe... I first read that "shaving myself"... that was pretty cool. *MM
...did ya miss me? Sarah
In article <41ou6o$947@senator-bedfellow.MIT.EDU>, Paul Kautz <llama@gnu.ai.mit.edu> wrote: > >From A to Moo, it's > > Spatch's European Vacation Journal > >Previously, in SEVJ, > > Spatch experiences Mentosis, > Spatch finds himself no longer in need of his colostomy equipment, > Spatch goes on a quest for love and Mentos with his band of crazed >Rajneeshes, > Spatch's Rajneesh band turns on him, so he escapes in the night, >sleeping on top of a bus. Spatch gets hit on by drunk 45-yr-old French women while their husbands try to get him to drink with them, Spatch tells a girl at Disneyland Paris he's Canadian so she'll shut up about his shoes, Spatch stops for lunch by a field of sunflowers en route to Angers and discovers vast fields of marijuana as far as the eye can see, Spatch doesn't remember much after that. All this actually happened, kids, and that's the scary part. Even so, next time I go on vacation, I'll just let Paul go and then I'll be able to write the journals. - spatch, popping some yummy sour apple mentos as we speak - -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "troc" in "Trocadero" "Our trampoline is named Jerry! He's fat and springy!" - Milk & Cheese Do yourself a flavor flav. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula "Hey, that's the mayor of the town. Maybe he'll deputize us or something."
Hey, guys, I'm back? Guys? Why's it so dark in here, and what's that noise behind the couch? Oh, Grandma, it's only you. WHere are the others? The others, Grandma? Go get 'em, girl! -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "troc" in "Trocadero" "Our trampoline is named Jerry! He's fat and springy!" - Milk & Cheese Do yourself a flavor flav. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula "Hey, that's the mayor of the town. Maybe he'll deputize us or something."
In some bacon article sander@netcom.com (Sarah Anderson) stated: >...did ya miss me? If I didn't hit you, I missed you. Very much. >Sarah /^JN - The Anti JN - Word of the post: "Antigone" -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In some bacon article spatula@gecko.concorde.com (tv's Spatch) stated: >Hey, guys, I'm back? > >Guys? > >Why's it so dark in here, and what's that noise behind the couch? > > > > > > > > > > >Oh, Grandma, it's only you. WHere are the others? The others, Grandma? >Go get 'em, girl! *SURPRISE*!!! We were all hiding behind the couch! Welcome back, Spatch! Spatch? Spatch?!? Darn. We must've gone to the wrong house. /^JN - The Anti JN - Who's house is this? -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
Well, he's back, so that's the end of his journal of his vacation. However, thanks to the power of the nonexistant press, you can read it over and over to your hearts content. Pick up the mailbox-format file here: http://www.got.net:8080/people/paul/writ/sevj.txt or here: ftp://ftp.got.net/people/paul/writ/sevj.txt which look startlingly similar, but don't be fooled, as they are really different on the inside. Stay tuned for details on upcoming motion picture! And watch for Spatch's European Vacation Home Game! -- Th' Irrev. Rf. Paul Kautz, D. Lun.
In article <ATAYLOR.95Aug28215721@gauss.nmsu.edu>, Nosy <ataylor@nmsu.edu> wrote: ><In article <41u1ma$i4g@bubba.NMSU.Edu> ldale@nmsu.edu (Lilia Dale) writes: > ><In New Mexico. Yes, it IS in the U.S! > > What's the "U.S?" No, no, you want to know what the "U.S!" is, not the "U.S?". U. SBang is a small country east of Mothagaria, where they serve the most delicious bacon-fried guota heart you can find. And yes, Virginia (and Lilia), rest assured, one can fine New Mexico deep in the heart of U. SBang, nestled in the Fuckyou Mountains. U. SQuestionMark, on the other hand, needs to be nuked into oblivion. -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "troc" in "Trocadero" "Our trampoline is named Jerry! He's fat and springy!" - Milk & Cheese Do yourself a flavor flav. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula "Hey, that's the mayor of the town. Maybe he'll deputize us or something."
In article <no-kitty@lklkjgasasggas> spatula@gecko.concorde.com (tv's Spatch) writes: >And I'm back from France, BTW. >-- France my ass, heh-heh-heh. We've read everything about your wacky adventures around Europe, as reported by Mr. Whatshisname. Of course, as a god you're free to do as you please... *MM
Sarah Anderson (sander@netcom.com) wrote: : ...did ya miss me? Sarah, you're back. While you were gone, Spatch didn't give us no nickels, and Jeffzilla called everyone a bad name, and this guy called oikman showed up and he started saying oink, and I said, if you keep saying oink sarah's gonna get mad, an' he said i don't care, oink. and he said oink a whole lot, and now I bet you're mad, ain'tya? : Sarah Ross--who is forever a little brother.
Ross Garmil (limrag@bu.edu) wrote: : Sarah Anderson (sander@netcom.com) wrote: : : ...did ya miss me? : Sarah, you're back. Good God, you're right. No wonder you have a degree. : While you were gone, Spatch didn't give us no nickels, and Jeffzilla called : everyone a bad name, and this guy called oikman showed up and he started : saying oink, and I said, if you keep saying oink sarah's gonna get mad, an' : he said i don't care, oink. and he said oink a whole lot, and now I bet : you're mad, ain'tya? Actually, Ross, I'm going to ignore it and do some more Tai Chi. Have you seen my black jammies? : Ross--who is forever a little brother. Sarah--who knows Ross reads her diary.
Sarah Anderson (sander@netcom.com) wrote: : Ross Garmil (limrag@bu.edu) wrote: : : Sarah Anderson (sander@netcom.com) wrote: : : : ...did ya miss me? : : Sarah, you're back. : Good God, you're right. No wonder you have a degree. Actually I have 98.6 of them. Unless you're from Canada or Europe. : : While you were gone, Spatch didn't give us no nickels, and Jeffzilla called : : everyone a bad name, and this guy called oikman showed up and he started : : saying oink, and I said, if you keep saying oink sarah's gonna get mad, an' : : he said i don't care, oink. and he said oink a whole lot, and now I bet : : you're mad, ain'tya? : Actually, Ross, I'm going to ignore it and do some more Tai Chi. Have you : seen my black jammies? HAVE I??? Um, no actually. : : Ross--who is forever a little brother. : Sarah--who knows Ross reads her diary. Ross--who knows he reads Sarah's diary.
fry toast vanilla kiss film food tickler
Sarah Anderson (sander@netcom.com) wrote: : ...did ya miss me? : Sarah No, we kept a picture of you up on the wall while you were gone. Only thing is, we decided we like the picture better, so you'll have to leave. -papa, who also liked the pictures of his children on the wall, which is why the house is so quiet now
In some bacon article sander@netcom.com (Sarah Anderson) stated: >Whose vacation was better, yours or mine? > >Sarah Since we didn't get regular reports about your vacation, Spatch's was better. However, if you post a detailed report on all your activities including times, places, names and the age of all involved, then maybe yours would be better. No actually, it _would_ be better. /^JN - The Anti JN - Going to post a report of his summer vacation... -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! "Wake up Bacon. Time to die." # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
..results in drooling on the pillow. hth --Bill -- Not responsible!
In article <41bfe3$g9f@atlas.tus.ssi1.com> David Weldon, tweldond@atlas.tus.ssi1.com writes: >>Speaking of Nixon as we are, I stole his head. >>>That's right. I have the head of Richard Nixon >>>in my freezer. I'd like to get rid of it. >>>The bidding will start at 10000 dollars. That would make an expensive soccer ball. ________________ Suzanne Schroeder *Disclaimer* Suzanne wasn't responsible for that remark. A long haired guy who called himself Jesus appeared in her bowl of Cap'n Crunch and told her to write it.
In article <41v70r$5c0@geraldo.cc.utexas.edu>, Suzanneª Schroeder <suzsch@mail.utexas.edu> wrote: >*Disclaimer* > >Suzanne wasn't responsible for that remark. >A long haired guy who called himself Jesus >appeared in her bowl of Cap'n Crunch and >told her to write it. That was ME, and I didn't say I was Jesus! I said "Jesus! This Cap'n Crunch is getting stale, you should get some Crunchberries next time!" -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "troc" in "Trocadero" "Our trampoline is named Jerry! He's fat and springy!" - Milk & Cheese Do yourself a flavor flav. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula "Hey, that's the mayor of the town. Maybe he'll deputize us or something."
In article <sanderDE1wnF.Fq7@netcom.com>, Sarah Anderson <sander@netcom.com> wrote: >Whose vacation was better, yours or mine? I dunno. Judging by Paul's^H^H^H^H^H^Hmy journal, I had a pretty exciting time. What did you do? -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "troc" in "Trocadero" "Our trampoline is named Jerry! He's fat and springy!" - Milk & Cheese Do yourself a flavor flav. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula "Hey, that's the mayor of the town. Maybe he'll deputize us or something."
tv's Spatch (spatula@gecko.concorde.com) wrote: : In article <sanderDE1wnF.Fq7@netcom.com>, : Sarah Anderson <sander@netcom.com> wrote: : >Whose vacation was better, yours or mine? : I dunno. Judging by Paul's^H^H^H^H^H^Hmy journal, I had a pretty exciting : time. What did you do? Went to Canada and ran through the touristy stores waving my Master Card and yelling, "I'm a crass American! What can I buy? How much is that in REAL money?" Sarah
Friday when I left the office I bounded home with the excitement of the time ahead of me. Friday night I went to meet my friends, Jeremy (23?) and Glenn (23?), but Jeremy's directions sucked. So I drove around and got lost and foudn the neighborhood of my new apartment into which I'll be moving shortly, so I drove around there and got lost again. I would have passed out but I had no reason. So I went home and said hello to my roommate who would probably not wish me to print her name (which is Melissa (23?)) and this guy who hangs out (23?), and we were going to watch TV Nation but I was taping it, so we waited and then it turned out the tape messed up so we rented two movies starring Matthew Broderick (23?) (ironically the next day I bought a CD and neither time did we realize what a Matthew Broderick weekend it was becoming). The next day I lept out of bed, drove to the north to get my car inspected but I couldn't get my car inspected, because the inspector was not there so I went to my parents house and saw my mother (23?) and my father (23?) and then I went golfing with my three friends (23?, 23?, 23?), and then we made bar b que and then we saw Resevoir Dogs and then I went home. The next day I lept out of bed and my roomate and my firend named Jeff (23?) came over and we went to breakfast and hung around outside and I bought a cd with Matthew Broderick and we went to this place called the CyberSmith Cafe and had dinner and hung out that night and I forget what happened after that. I would tell more, but alas, I got no summer vacation, I only had a weekend. Ross--who expects your pity now.
In some bacon article spatula@gecko.concorde.com (tv's Spatch) stated: >In article <bchrist-2808952307270001@204.94.238.6>, >Lord Darrow <bchrist@sierra.net> wrote: >> [ Lots of silly stuff ] > >Well, I can do one better, as I usually can with these schemes. > > > >I, KING C. Q. SPATCH, KNOWN AS 'SPATCH WHO CLINGS TO THE GROUND AND >SHRIEKS LIKE A CHEERLEADER', GRAND HIGH RULER OF COOKIEVILLE BECAUSE OF >MY BENEVOLENCE, DO HEREBY PROCLAIMATE THAT I WILL GIVE TITLES TO WHOEVER >FEELETH LIKE ONE! YETH! Can I be Lord Jester of Antioc? I'd like to be. I'll pay you all I've got! >FOR FREETH! Oups. Forget I said anything about paying. >STUFF THAT INTO YOUR PIPE, SIR, AND SMOKETH! Isn't that illegal? And perverted besides! /^JN - The Anti JN - who doesn't care if it is, but just want to know. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! Lord Jester of Antioc # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In article <41tukp$2si@linet02.li.net>, <mtwilly@li.net> wrote: >***HOTTEST PROSPECTS*** > > >I have very fresh lists of names for sale. These lists contain some of the hottest >prospects in the U.S. Right now, I will only sell 1000 names per person per >order this month. However, if the response is large, I'll increase the amount next >month. If your interested, please fill out the form below. I will make a list of names for you for as little as 20 cents per name! Add 10 cents per name if you want the last names to be a bit more creative, not like "Smith" or "Jones", add 50 cents per name if you want me to be real creative and make up last names like "Argleburger" and "Schinfetz". (Hyphenated names, add 25 cents per each extra name.) As far as first names go, add 5 cents per name if you want something less common than "Jane" or "Bill", and 10 cents per name if you want something truly offbeat like "Hieronymus" or "Gladstone". Middle intials are 25 cents each. Thus, a name like "John Parker" would go for just 20 cents, while "Agustus Q. Washboard-Pickler" would be $1.30. It's quick, it's easy, it's painless, and, most of all, for me, it's FUN! It's Spatch's Create-A-Name! WARNING: This promotion may not be used in conjunction with the FBI Witness Relocation Program. -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "troc" in "Trocadero" "Our trampoline is named Jerry! He's fat and springy!" - Milk & Cheese Do yourself a flavor flav. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula "Hey, that's the mayor of the town. Maybe he'll deputize us or something."
In article <421e83$rct@duck.inetnebr.com>, yaz pistachio <fnargle@falcon.inetnebr.com> wrote: >you know that thing when a person says something SO Mind-Bogglingly Stupid >that you have to slap yourself in the head just to keep your brain from >imploding? well, i've been watching a lot of talk shows lately, and i'll >tell you this: i'm having to hit myself inna skull a lot more than i >used to. just a word to the wise. So do what I do, and staple a pillow to my head when watching talk shows, so when I hit myself, there's no pain! -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "troc" in "Trocadero" "Our trampoline is named Jerry! He's fat and springy!" - Milk & Cheese Do yourself a flavor flav. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula "Hey, that's the mayor of the town. Maybe he'll deputize us or something."
In article <423orj$pa9@hpscit.sc.hp.com> papa@boi.hp.com (papa legba) writes: >Ross Garmil (limrag@bu.edu) wrote: >: papa legba (papa@boi.hp.com) wrote: >: : Ross Garmil (limrag@bu.edu) wrote: >: : : I would tell more, but alas, I got no summer vacation, I only had a >weekend >: : : Ross--who expects your pity now. >: : Jeez, can't I just kill you instead? It'd probably >: : be easier for both of us. >: : -papapassionate >: Sorry, papa, I'm moving tomorrow. Could you kill me after the long weekend? >: I think I'm free on Wednesday, let me just pencil you in. >: Oh, and don't forget your Big Frog gig, it will come in handy. >: Ross--who remembers a few of the five phases. > Wednesday's good. > -papa, who vaguely recalls something about 3 phase motors > he might have learned in electricity school, and figures > that's good enough for this thread But today is thursday! *MM -- who very well remembers the 18 pool hysteresis laughter he once had with his recco player.
In article <meow-kitty@jkfasafskjlaffs> tv's Spatch, spatula@gecko.concorde.com writes: >In article <421ujo$gn@geraldo.cc.utexas.edu>, >Suzanneª Schroeder <suzsch@mail.utexas.edu> wrote: >> >>I want to be the grandest dame of them all! >> >> >>_______________ >> >>Dame Suzanne of McDonald Land > >Hey, you can't have two there. You can either be Dame Suzanne Grandest >of them All, or Dame Suzanne of McDonald Land. My first title is Dame Suzanne of McDonald land since I wore the trainee tag for three months AND worked there twice. My point is, can't there be orders like: The order of the Grandest Dames of them All The order of the fast food restaurant. The order of the grand Scam Breakfast The order of I'm not dealing with AT&T The order of I'm open to suggestions. The order of the nose ring. The order of the fries. See, I want to move up in ranks. It's all part of my big scheme. Someone dubs me The Grandest Dame and *I* Can rule the world! > >Which will it be? I know I gave concessions to Ross the Big Frog but >hey, he's a big frog. Hey, I- *ribbit* oops. Heh Heh. _______________ Dame Suzanne of McDonald land.
In article <4258gh$93f@geraldo.cc.utexas.edu>, Suzanneª Schroeder <how do you pronounce that?> wrote: >In article <meow-kitty@jkfasafskjlaffs> tv's Spatch, >spatula@gecko.concorde.com writes: >> >>Hey, you can't have two there. You can either be Dame Suzanne Grandest >>of them All, or Dame Suzanne of McDonald Land. > >My first title is Dame Suzanne of McDonald land since I wore the >trainee tag for three months AND worked there twice. My goodness. Same location, or different? Did you have to chase the older kids out of the playground? Did you ever have to field prank calls by folks complaining that the Hamburglar held up their car as they were driving through the Drive-Thru and stole all their hamburgers? > >My point is, can't there be orders like: > >The order of the Grandest Dames of them All >The order of the fast food restaurant. >The order of the grand Scam Breakfast >The order of I'm not dealing with AT&T >The order of I'm open to suggestions. >The order of the nose ring. Nose ring to rule, nose ring to find them. >The order of the fries. You can be the Lord of the Fries, but in order to speak, you must hold up the giant salt shaker. > >See, I want to move up in ranks. It's all part of my big scheme. >Someone dubs me The Grandest Dame and *I* Can rule the world! But you can't rule the world, because they already blew it up. Didn't you read the papers? -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "troc" in "Trocadero" "Our trampoline is named Jerry! He's fat and springy!" - Milk & Cheese Do yourself a flavor flav. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula "Hey, that's the mayor of the town. Maybe he'll deputize us or something."
spatula@gecko.concorde.com (tv's Spatch) writes: :In article <4258gh$93f@geraldo.cc.utexas.edu>, :Suzanneª Schroeder <how do you pronounce that?> wrote: :>Someone dubs me The Grandest Dame and *I* Can rule the world! :But you can't rule the world, because they already blew it up. Huh? Why didn't somebody tell me? :Didn't you read the papers? Um, no. Too many words. --Bill -- wxwilki@borg.uswc.uswest.com - Searching for the lost cause. Check out my Totally Inane Home Paragraph at: http://www.mecklerweb.com/mags/iw/v6n1/letters.htm
In article <4257iu$97u@nic.lth.se>, Anti JN <dat92jni@ludat.lth.se> wrote: >In some bacon article spatula@gecko.concorde.com (tv's Spatch) stated: >>In article <bchrist-2808952307270001@204.94.238.6>, >>Lord Darrow <bchrist@sierra.net> wrote: >>> [ Lots of silly stuff ] >> >>Well, I can do one better, as I usually can with these schemes. >> >> >> >>I, KING C. Q. SPATCH, KNOWN AS 'SPATCH WHO CLINGS TO THE GROUND AND >>SHRIEKS LIKE A CHEERLEADER', GRAND HIGH RULER OF COOKIEVILLE BECAUSE OF >>MY BENEVOLENCE, DO HEREBY PROCLAIMATE THAT I WILL GIVE TITLES TO WHOEVER >>FEELETH LIKE ONE! > >YETH! > >Can I be Lord Jester of Antioc? I'd like to be. I thought you already were! Well, no matter. You (still) are now. -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "troc" in "Trocadero" "Our trampoline is named Jerry! He's fat and springy!" - Milk & Cheese Do yourself a flavor flav. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula "Hey, that's the mayor of the town. Maybe he'll deputize us or something."
In <4264mn$ebk@news.theriver.com> John Egan <jegan@theriver.com> writes: >we have air because gravity keeps it from floating away. tae I thought the air pressure keeps the gravity from escaping? Also, I took my PC apart once to clean the cat hair off the fan and power supply. Some of the cards inside are mounted vertically! How can this work? Don't all the electrons roll to the bottom of the cards?
That bastard!!!! Well, thank you for setting things straight, Magnus, but I have no idea what's going on after 9 hours of packing, 5 hours of loading a truck, 3 hours of napping, 2 hours of unloading a truck, returning, cleaning, arranging, and then coming into work, I don't know how I'm still able to type in English. Ross--quien es no mejor en Espanol. Magnus Mulqvist (vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi) wrote: : In article <41vhm5$3re@news.bu.edu> limrag@bu.edu (Ross Garmil) writes: : >I'm pretty sure that everything that was said there was original, I sure : >know that I had never heard any of it before. Anyways, I had to give up the : >cowl and utility belt in order to get out of there. I still had my shirt : >with the big P on it, but well... : There was nuttin' original about it... : "Electric Poet by Niklas Frykholm : archive: info-mac : file size: 37 K (37566 bytes) : file date: Feb 22,1995 : path: game/_Word_&_Text/ : Electric Poet can use an ordinary text file as a mould : for creating its own litterary works. This works best with abstract poetry : where it's sometimes hard to tell real from bogus. This version includes a : sample library that generates dumb blonde jokes. The program is part of the : Niklas Frykholm Shareware Package. The registration fee is $5 for the entire : package. ..." : Then there's a hompage or FTP SITE somewhere with hundreds of : ready blonde jokes. One certain finn is notorious in these parts : for using them as .sigs. The one above (oops! erased) was one of them. : FYI. : *MM
In article <424pmf$gud@hermod.uio.no>, <Me?> wrote: >Hi, hippocrates of the world! > > I am a 20years old man who work out frequently. One day when I >was down at the studio(where I usually do the weightlifting) something >real strange happened. I was doing the rounds at the bench press. When >I had finished my last turn I raised up, or so I tried to. Just as I >raised my head from the bench, I felt a sharp pain in my forehead before >everything went black. After a few minutes(or so, I guess) I woke up and >did the same manuver again. Then the same thing happened! I must have >fallen on the floor the last time because I was lying on the rug when I >woke again. > Later that day I felt a little dizzy but other ways okay. So, I >did not think much more about it until it happened again under the next >work out. Then it happened three or four times more. Now I do not dare >to use the bench press anymore and my chest is begining to decay! What >am I going to do. I would be very pleased if anyone could help me in any >way. PLEASE KEEP YOUR SICK AND DISGUSTING SEX STORIES OUT OF ALT.STOOPIDDITY. NO BODY WANT'S TO HEAR WHAT YOU DO IN YOUR BEDROOM!!!!!!111 I'M GOING TO TELL THE AOL POLICE ON YOU!111 -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "troc" in "Trocadero" "Our trampoline is named Jerry! He's fat and springy!" - Milk & Cheese Do yourself a flavor flav. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula "Hey, that's the mayor of the town. Maybe he'll deputize us or something."
In article <420n0b$l9e@duck.inetnebr.com>, yaz pistachio <fnargle@falcon.inetnebr.com> wrote: >Tortess (tortess@panix.com) wrote: > >>I just hafta. > >um. let me guess. Nancy Reagan's first idea for a slogan, later replaced >by "just say no"? > >--beth (who wonders why she didn't just go with the original one) Cause she was too blitzed out to know the difference. No, really. PS: How's Bobbi doing? -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "troc" in "Trocadero" "Our trampoline is named Jerry! He's fat and springy!" - Milk & Cheese Do yourself a flavor flav. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula "Hey, that's the mayor of the town. Maybe he'll deputize us or something."
Bill Wilkinson (70325.1137@CompuServe.COM) wrote: : While I was driving to work today, some jerk suddenly : pulled in front of me and immediately slowed down. : I angrily honked at him several times, but it didn't do : any good. So I stopped. : Besides, my nose and throat were starting to hurt. : --Bill (who wonders if the above is original or if Ross : is going to flame me--whatever, it needed to be said) Um, I dunno. Kinda an Odd Couple reference, but there's nothing wrong with that. Unless you don't like The Odd Couple. But I do like The Odd Couple. If I didn't then there may be something wrong with it, but I don't so there isn't. It's also a bit of a ripoff from Howie Mandell, but it's not exactly the same, and that's not what I'm talking about here, so I guess there's nothing wrong with that, either. Until you don't like Howie Mandell either, but I do like Howie Mandell also. If I didn't then there may be something wrong with it, but I don't so there isn't. Nope, you pass. Ross--who's practicing to be a Federal employee.
limrag@bu.edu (Ross) told me: :Nope, you pass. Thanks. I appreciate that. :Ross--who's practicing to be a Federal employee. Is that why you're carrying that mailbag and an assault rifle? --Bill (who's really thankful that he's passed, now) -- Not responsible!
In article <sanderDE3JyB.EnA@netcom.com>, Sarah Anderson <sander@netcom.com> wrote: >tv's Spatch (spatula@gecko.concorde.com) wrote: >: In article <sanderDE1wnF.Fq7@netcom.com>, >: Sarah Anderson <sander@netcom.com> wrote: >: >Whose vacation was better, yours or mine? >: I dunno. Judging by Paul's^H^H^H^H^H^Hmy journal, I had a pretty exciting >: time. What did you do? >Went to Canada and ran through the touristy stores waving my Master Card >and yelling, "I'm a crass American! What can I buy? How much is that in >REAL money?" Wow. Sounds like my vacation. Did you get married though? I did. I begged for you guys to stop me, but none of you made a move to help, except for fish over in the UK, and his message reached me too late. My God! What have I done? Mad Czech-who's just kidding... married life is actually hor^H^H^Hwonderful. -- "Energy flows in concurrent streams from both index fingers when initiated by the Kundalini essence." Franz Dreybek, Third Arch-Duke of the Silver Thaler Society, ca.1650 Germany
In article <no-kitty@jkgasjlkggsaags> spatula@gecko.concorde.com (tv's Spatch) writes: > In article <sanderDE1wK7.FJv@netcom.com>, > Sarah Anderson <sander@netcom.com> wrote: > > > Have you > >seen my black jammies? > > Uh oh, why do I think this is going to turn into another "Flapjack's butt" > thread^H^H^H^H^H^Hlifestyle? > > Nice to know I was still on your minds (such as they are) during my absense. > - spatch, who doesn't know if flapjack's butt has even been in sarah's black > jammies - > Not since that party at Donut's this past spring. flapjack-who's back, not butts about it -- Flapjack-farmer tanned, inadequately rested, and full of piss and vinegar "END CONSTPUCTION"-a roadsign I saw about a year ago Now hard at work on improving: http://openweb.vassar.edu/students/nosmith/nosmith.html
In article <427qdn$9o9@vassun.vassar.edu>, Flapjack <nosmith@vaxsar.vassar.edu> wrote: Me write: > > >> - spatch, who doesn't know if flapjack's butt has even been in sarah's black >> jammies - >> > >Not since that party at Donut's this past spring. Are you sure Sarah was around during that party? Cause I think you were wearing Mr. Myagi's -- uh, whatever that black thing those karate masters wear. Cause he was rather pissed that you knocked him down and kicked him in the ribs to get that -- uh, whatever that black thing those karate masters wear. -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "troc" in "Trocadero" "Our trampoline is named Jerry! He's fat and springy!" - Milk & Cheese Do yourself a flavor flav. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula "Hey, that's the mayor of the town. Maybe he'll deputize us or something."
In article <427qdn$9o9@vassun.vassar.edu>, Flapjack <nosmith@vaxsar.vassar.edu> wrote: Me write: > > >> - spatch, who doesn't know if flapjack's butt has even been in sarah's black >> jammies - >> > >Not since that party at Donut's this past spring. Are you sure Sarah was around during that party? Cause I think you were wearing Mr. Myagi's -- uh, whatever that black thing those karate masters wear. Cause he was rather pissed that you knocked him down and kicked him in the ribs to get that -- uh, whatever that black thing those karate masters wear. -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "troc" in "Trocadero" "Our trampoline is named Jerry! He's fat and springy!" - Milk & Cheese Do yourself a flavor flav. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula "Hey, that's the mayor of the town. Maybe he'll deputize us or something."
Well folks, It's time for another forced sabbatical as my former place of higher learning shuts down for two weeks between quarters. Catch ya on the flip side. Mad Czech-who hopes he'll still be... yea, you know the routine -- "Energy flows in concurrent streams from both index fingers when initiated by the Kundalini essence." Franz Dreybek, Third Arch-Duke of the Silver Thaler Society, ca.1650 Germany
Flapjack (nosmith@vaxsar.vassar.edu) wrote: : Hey folks! I'm back! : Oh what a summer it was! First I saved New York City and much of the : world's gold supply by unravelling a series of riddles. . . wait, no. . : Oh Yeah! I saved _Gotham_ City from two costumed lunatics and gained a : new teen sidekick in the process. . .nope, that ain't it either. . .I : know! I didn't save any city, but I sailed to Virginia to look for gold : and fell in love with a Native American Princess (a NAP?). . .no. . . : Damn! Fantasy and reality are so hard to distinguish. : flapjack-who hope he didn't offend anybody with the NAP thing Who are you? --Bill -- wxwilki@lookout.ecte.uswc.uswest.com | To be is to do -- Hegel They're my opinions, not your's or | To do is to be -- Marx anybody else's (well, maybe). | Do be do be do -- Sinatra
In article <427pjp$9o9@vassun.vassar.edu>, Flapjack <nosmith@vaxsar.vassar.edu> wrote: >Hey folks! I'm back! > >Oh what a summer it was! First I saved New York City and much of the >world's gold supply by unravelling a series of riddles. . . wait, no. . > Oh Yeah! I saved _Gotham_ City from two costumed lunatics and gained a >new teen sidekick in the process. . .nope, that ain't it either. . .I >know! I didn't save any city, but I sailed to Virginia to look for gold >and fell in love with a Native American Princess (a NAP?). . .no. . . Well, that's better than my summer vacation. All I did was hike into the jungle and meet up with some very scary grey guerillas. I say they were grey cause they were very very old and they lived in a cave and stuff. > >Damn! Fantasy and reality are so hard to distinguish. > >flapjack-who hope he didn't offend anybody with the NAP thing No, no, take a nap whenever you want. Just don't take a nap on the steps of, say, the White House. They may think you're a bomb. > >-- >Flapjack-farmer tanned, inadequately rested, and full of piss and >vinegar We told you, stop eating them potato chips. -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "troc" in "Trocadero" "Our trampoline is named Jerry! He's fat and springy!" - Milk & Cheese Do yourself a flavor flav. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula "Hey, that's the mayor of the town. Maybe he'll deputize us or something."
In article <DE8x7n.8vM@da_vinci.ecte.uswc.uswest.com> wxwilki@lookout (Bill Wilkinson) writes: > Flapjack (nosmith@vaxsar.vassar.edu) wrote: > : Hey folks! I'm back! > >> > Who are you? > > --Bill I'm the funny looking one who always says "Ooh ooh Mr. Kotter!" flapjack-who is also the one with the butt, but doesn't want to get into _that_ again -- Flapjack-farmer tanned, inadequately rested, and full of piss and vinegar "END CONSTPUCTION"-a roadsign I saw about a year ago Now hard at work on improving: http://openweb.vassar.edu/students/nosmith/nosmith.html
Flapjack <nosmith@vaxsar.vassar.edu> responded to my question: :> Who are you? :I'm the funny looking one who always says "Ooh ooh Mr. Kotter!" Bob? :flapjack-who is also the one with the butt, but doesn't want to :get into _that_ again Well, _I_ wasn't into _that_. Maybe you should contact the law firm of Esquire Tortess, Esq. and sue alt_DOT_stupidity. --Bill -- Not responsible!
In article <no-kitty@gsajlsagljkagsgs> tv's Spatch, spatula@gecko.concorde.com writes: >> >Mayonnaise and Thousand-Island dres*OOPS!* Yeah, but you didn't say anything about the fermentation process. > >>My ability to recall the prices of our menu items. > >Quick! What's the price of a McBacon Deluxe Value Meal, substituting a >large Coke for the medium Coke and medium fries for the large fries? That depends if you want real bacon. There is a difference between bacon and McBacon. Mc Bacon doesn't come from pigs, but from boxes that are raised in special farms in Dallas Texas. The boxes are slaughtered at the store guraranteeing you the freshest of ingredients. The sandwich is then $2.15 Coke goes for about $124 a vial, so a medium vial is $96. If you wanted curly fries, you'll have to wait until the curling iron heats up, so you would probably want the regular fries. We no longer sell medium fries due to lack of demand, but we can make them for a service charge and package them in a large fry box for $1.24. Making your total about $324. Oh, did I mention there is no math requirement to get a job there? >Oh, managers suck anyway. Did you have the ability to chew out wiseacres >who come in and order a Whopper or a Dave's Deluxe? The people in the town I came in weren't blessed with the intelligence to ask that. >give out the old Animaniacs toys after the promotion was over to >long-haired freaks who desperately needed the Pinky and the Brain toy to >complete their collection? Yes. And I was also given a comfortable pair of walking shoes so I could look all over the store for the last Batman mug. I now have a good enough resume to hand model for the home shopping club. I can now hold up happymeal toys in a way to make them visible to those who need Pinky and the Brain. >But, most importantly, did you, at any time >in your illustrious career, EVER WIELD THE ALMIGHTY BURGER SPATULA? Yes, I did. Just once at a huge cockroach that was crawling in the burger bin. >>>But you can't rule the world, because they already blew it up. >>>Didn't you read the papers? >> >>OK....This is a minor set back. I'll have to build a new world. > >A WHOLE NEW WORRRRRRRRLD..... > >>I've got ten dollars on me. Do you think that will cover it? > >TEN BUCKS ON MEEEEEEEEEE..... > >>I know I can only afford to get migrant workers though, so I'm >>taking applications. >MANUAL LAB-OR, > >> I won't take birds because they inexplicably >>disappear for the winter. > >NOT JIM NAB-ORS, > >> Lazy bums. >FOR YOOUUUUUU AAAND MEEEEE!!!!!! (rotfl) Okay...Okay... I dub thee Lord Spatula of Looney Tunes. To go along with your new title that you have earned in singing Disney Tunes, I have given you a marketing campaign and a deal with Mattel who shall market spatulas in your likeness as part of your new movie: Snow White and The Eight Dwarves with the new dwarf Spatula. All hail Lord Spatula! ____________________________________ Dame Suzanne Of McDonald Land, trainee to be The Grandest Dame of All. (The next time you see a McD employee wearing a button that says TLC, it stands for Tastes Like Chicken)
>>In article <no-kitty@gsajlsagljkagsgs> tv's Spatch,
>>spatula@gecko.concorde.com writes:
>>Yeah, but you didn't say anything about the fermentation
>>process.
>
>You have to turn the containers 1/4 turn every day for several months,
>right, so the yeast doesn't fully settle?
Then stuff it in Michael Jordan's gym locker for two weeks.
How did you think we got that great marketing deal with
him during basket ball season?
>Hey, at K-Mart they make you take a psysysychcologicicul test, and that's
>ON the job application.
Hmm....
1. Does the sight of blue lights terrify you?
2. Do you often mistake the intercom voice for the one
in your head?
3. Have you ever wanted to strip naked and cover yourself
with price tags?
4. Do you sit and stare at the lingerie section for hours?
5. Do you play skee shoot with the CDs?
>
>Don't ask me how I know this. _I_ didn't apply.
Hey! Didn't someone tell you to quit hiding out under the
courtesy counter?
>
>*peers* Oh, THERE they are.
>Hey, were you the ultra-perky waitress who gives the Riddler that Batman
>mug in the commercial?
No, I was the one who stole the Batmobile while he was inside.
They edited that out of the final cut.
Also, if you would notice, she wasn't wearing a trainee tag, so
how could that be me? I'm the dame of the trainees!
None of this is to say I haven't given things to guys
dressed up in tights....
>>>But, most importantly, did you, at any time
>>>in your illustrious career, EVER WIELD THE ALMIGHTY BURGER SPATULA?
>>
>>Yes, I did. Just once at a huge cockroach that was crawling
>>in the burger bin.
>
>Oh, you're gonna burn for that one, I can just feel it.
Did you know spatulas are now bullet proof to withstand
the heaviest of attacks? See? They do care about
whether we live or we die.
>>(The next time you see a McD employee wearing
>>a button that says TLC, it stands for Tastes Like
>>Chicken)
>
>I thought it meant Take Lotsa Catsup!
Try Looting Cautiously.
Tastes Like Crap.
________________
Dame Suzanne of McDonald Land.
wkesler mentioned them. Tortess fell in love with them but went to sleep. Spatch bought some for everybody. As far as I can tell, they're nontoxic--'cept maybe the ones Spatch bought in Europe. --Bill (who needs to sleep) -- Not responsible!
When the green phone rings we're all in deep trouble. If it rings, don't answer it, those non-clergy marsupials are probably on the other end. Better stock up on polar solvents.
In some bacon article vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi (Magnus Mulqvist) stated: >In article <421u4k$35@geraldo.cc.utexas.edu> Suzanneª Schroeder <suzsch@mail.utexas.edu> writes: >>Subject: Hey, you! > >>Get out of my parking spot! > >Wrong. > >Hey, (Hey,) you! (you!) Get off of my cloud! ...and don't hang around 'cause two's a crowd! /^JN - The Anti JN - Wierd Al did it better. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! Lord Jester of Antioc # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In some bacon article papa@hpbs1847.boi.hp.com stated:
>Arthur Wilson (awilson3@ix.netcom.com) wrote:
>: Why is there air?
>
>: Give me your "best stupid" answers if you're dumb enough {g}
>
> Sorry, can't play the game unless you follow the rules.
> You can try again tomorrow, though.
I thought it was one month between tries! That's what I was told
a long time ago.
> -papa, who makes the rules
I dunno, why ask me?
/^JN - The Anti JN - who knows
--
####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> #######
# The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! Lord Jester of Antioc #
# Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se #
############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In some bacon article lodder@fct.com (John Lodder) stated: >I don't know why, I thought it sounded like a good thing to say. Ouch! /^JN - The Anti JN - Who thought that sounded like a good thing to say? Not me. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! Lord Jester of Antioc # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In some bacon article spatula@gecko.concorde.com (tv's Spatch) stated: >In article <427qdn$9o9@vassun.vassar.edu>, >Flapjack <nosmith@vaxsar.vassar.edu> wrote: >Me write: >> >> >>> - spatch, who doesn't know if flapjack's butt has even been in sarah's black >>> jammies - >>> >> >>Not since that party at Donut's this past spring. > >Are you sure Sarah was around during that party? Cause I think you were >wearing Mr. Myagi's -- uh, whatever that black thing those karate masters >wear. Cause he was rather pissed that you knocked him down and kicked >him in the ribs to get that -- uh, whatever that black thing those karate >masters wear. Passport? /^JN - The Anti JN - Yeah, I remember seeing Mr. Myagi sulking in the corner... -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! Lord Jester of Antioc # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In some bacon article Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> stated: >wkesler mentioned them. >Tortess fell in love with them but went to sleep. >Spatch bought some for everybody. They're also really valuable and stuff. >As far as I can tell, they're nontoxic--'cept maybe the >ones Spatch bought in Europe. >--Bill (who needs to sleep) How the hell should I know! Although, it sounds like me... /^JN - The Anti JN - Who has a headache? I do. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! Lord Jester of Antioc # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In some bacon article debbie_dewald@wyldonline.win.net (DEBBIE DEWALD) stated: > >Hello..I am new to this group... what the hell is this all about? Ummm...yeah. /^JN - The Anti JN - Who knows? I do. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! Lord Jester of Antioc # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
On 3 Sep 1995 23:52:04 GMT, Anti JN <dat92jni@ludat.lth.se> wrote: > In some bacon article debbie_dewald@wyldonline.win.net (DEBBIE DEWALD) stated: > > > >Hello..I am new to this group... what the hell is this all about? > > Ummm...yeah. > Huh? Really? oh cagey -- that's what I thought..
They hatch out of that birdfeeder and leave the birdseed shells scattered all over the balcony. Dozens of fluffy little birds. Maybe I'll invite Anti-JN over for some finch fries... --Bill -- Not responsible!
Ross Garmil (limrag@bu.edu) wrote: : Sarah Anderson (sander@netcom.com) wrote: : : Ross Garmil (limrag@bu.edu) wrote: : : : Sarah Anderson (sander@netcom.com) wrote: : : : : Ross Garmil (limrag@bu.edu) wrote: : : : : : Sarah Anderson (sander@netcom.com) wrote: : : : : : : ...did ya miss me? : : : : : Sarah, you're back. : : : : Good God, you're right. No wonder you have a degree. : : : Actually I have 98.6 of them. Unless you're from Canada or Europe. : : That was amazingly weak. : Oh, I thought the centigrade thing made it worthwhile. Nope, still weak. Only Kelvin is funny. : : : : : you're mad, ain'tya? : : : : Actually, Ross, I'm going to ignore it and do some more Tai Chi. Have you : : : : seen my black jammies? : : : HAVE I??? : : : Um, no actually. : : LIAR! : Ow, my pants are on fire. : How do you do that? Majgick! : : : : : Ross--who is forever a little brother. : : : : Sarah--who knows Ross reads her diary. : : : Ross--who knows he reads Sarah's diary. : : Sarah--who suspects Ross writes in her diary as well. : Ross--who knows he writes in Sarah's diary as well (hey this is easy for me) Sarah--who is now pretty sure Ross is merely a trained monkey.
Umm... Peas porridge hot, Peas porridge cold, Peas porridge in the pot Nine days old. No. Waitaminute. Okay. Ring around the rosey. Pocket full of... Uhh... Rumpsy dumpsy! Rumpsy dumpsy! Col. Johnson kill... Nevermind. --Bill (to hell with it) -- Not responsible!
In some bacon article Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> stated: >They hatch out of that birdfeeder and leave the birdseed shells >scattered all over the balcony. > >Dozens of fluffy little birds. > >Maybe I'll invite Anti-JN over for some finch fries... Oh, please do, I'd love some crunchy finch fries. Have you ever tasted the marrow of a sparrow? Quite delicious, for the capricious. Oh sing it! Crunchy, munchy little birds! Ta da dum... /^JN - The Anti JN - Rather hungry actually. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! Lord Jester of Antioc # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In some bacon article mikroa@ix.netcom.com (Michael Roach ) stated: >In <42dl7d$mv4$4@mhadf.production.compuserve.com> Bill Wilkinson ><70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> writes: >> >>They hatch out of that birdfeeder and leave the birdseed shells >>scattered all over the balcony. >> >>Dozens of fluffy little birds. >> >>Maybe I'll invite Anti-JN over for some finch fries... >> >>--Bill >> >>-- >>Not responsible! > >Get a cat. Get one fluffy thing get rid of other fluffy things? That's perverse. (but probably not illegal) /^JN - The Anti JN - Besides, It's more fun to kill the fluffies yourself. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! Lord Jester of Antioc # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
My Stupid Conspiracy Theory: Professional comedians lurk on alt dot stoopidity. They see something funny and use it in their next act. Ross flames us becasue we didn't attribute them. --Bill (:-) -- Not responsible!
In some bacon article Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> stated: >Me wrote: > >:Ross flames us becasue we didn't attribute them. > >Actually, I posted that because I've always wanted to >use "becasue" in a sentence. Yes, the word "becasue" has some poetic value, one might even say beautiful in the images it brings to mind... how dare you use such language in this froup!?! >Not responsible! Oh. /^JN - The Anti JN - Doing an "allnighter". Unfortunately, not with a girl. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! Lord Jester of Antioc # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
I was just resting my head against my right hand with my eyes unfocused and looking slightly beyond the keyboard. All the keys appeared to be in 3D!!!! --Bill (it takes practice) -- Not responsible!
Karl Robert Loeffler (kloeffle@tuba.aix.calpoly.edu) wrote: : In article <sanderDE3JyB.EnA@netcom.com>, : Sarah Anderson <sander@netcom.com> wrote: : >tv's Spatch (spatula@gecko.concorde.com) wrote: : >: In article <sanderDE1wnF.Fq7@netcom.com>, : >: Sarah Anderson <sander@netcom.com> wrote: : >: >Whose vacation was better, yours or mine? : >: I dunno. Judging by Paul's^H^H^H^H^H^Hmy journal, I had a pretty exciting : >: time. What did you do? : >Went to Canada and ran through the touristy stores waving my Master Card : >and yelling, "I'm a crass American! What can I buy? How much is that in : >REAL money?" : Wow. Sounds like my vacation. Did you get married though? HELL no. What, do I look crazy? Sarah
In article <sanderDED9Dz.H4M@netcom.com> sander@netcom.com (Sarah Anderson) writes: >Karl Robert Loeffler (kloeffle@tuba.aix.calpoly.edu) wrote: >: Wow. Sounds like my vacation. Did you get married though? >HELL no. What, do I look crazy? Hell NO. What do I look, crazy?
In article <426plp$3s0@hpwin055.uksr.hp.com> Martin O'Murphy <martinm@hpbrah10.uksr.hp.com> writes: >-- > ___ > / \ > | @ @ | >+-----oooo---U---oooo-------------------------------------------------------+ >|The above information is purely personal opinion, and does not necessarily | >|reflect the views of my employer's organisation. - Martin O'Murphy | >+---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ >-- I have no idea and so forth. Truly. >-- > > > >+-----oooo-------oooo-------------------------------------------------------+ *MM
Recently I stumbled across some evidence that Bill Gates is the devil. I
can't take the credit for discovering these clues myself, and
unfortunately the hard copy I've got in front of me makes no mention of
where this information originated. Here it is:
As you know Bill Gates in William Gates III.
By converting the letters of his name to their ASCII values and adding 3
(from the 3rd, III) to the sum of those ASCII values you get the
following:
B 66
I 73
L 76
L 76
G 71
A 65
T 84
E 69
S 83
3
SUM----------
666
It gets better:
M S - D O S 6 . 2 1
77+83+45+68+79+83+32+54+46+50+49 = 666
W I N D O W S 9 5
87+73+78+68+79+87+83+57+53+1 = 666
If we could only establish a link between Microsoft and Prozac we'd have a
world class conspiracy theory.
In article <425s0c$ld6$1@mhafm.production.compuserve.com> Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> writes: >I bought another tube of Colgate(tm) today. But I noticed >that it no longer contains "Gardol" (tm). Instead, it has >something called "Tater Control" (tm). >What gives??? Not only do my teeeth no longer have an >invisible shield, but I'm no longer able to eat all the tater >chimps I want to. >--Bill (woulda switched to ipana but anti-jn must'a >killed bucky beaver) The stuff that contains Right Guardol is generally not used on teeth, but whaddaheck, it sure protects against them mouth figurines. *MM
Magnus and Ross sed: :>Ross--quien es no mejor en Espanol. :*MM -- joka ehdottaa jotta koetetaanpa suomeksi! You ain't got no friends on your left! (yer right!) You ain't got no friends on your right! (yer left!) HOUND DOG! POON TANG! HOUND DOG POON TANG COON TOWN!!!! ARRRGGG!!! --Bill (stupid) -- Not responsible!
In article <427pjp$9o9@vassun.vassar.edu> Flapjack <nosmith@vaxsar.vassar.edu> writes: >Hey folks! I'm back! Yes, and late. You said you'll be back in August! Such carelessness! *MM
vv6iwz 9000000000000000000000000 -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "troc" in "Trocadero" "Our trampoline is named Jerry! He's fat and springy!" - Milk & Cheese Do yourself a flavor flav. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula "Hey, that's the mayor of the town. Maybe he'll deputize us or something."
In article <42d44r$fel@geraldo.cc.utexas.edu>, Suzanneª Schroeder <pronounced "Throatwarbler Mangrove"> wrote: >>>In article <no-kitty@gsajlsagljkagsgs> tv's Spatch, >>>spatula@gecko.concorde.com writes: > >>You have to turn the containers 1/4 turn every day for several months, >>right, so the yeast doesn't fully settle? > >Then stuff it in Michael Jordan's gym locker for two weeks. >How did you think we got that great marketing deal with >him during basket ball season? And I thought it was because he could use the money. >>Don't ask me how I know this. _I_ didn't apply. > >Hey! Didn't someone tell you to quit hiding out under the >courtesy counter? Uh, no. That was JC Penney. >>Hey, were you the ultra-perky waitress who gives the Riddler that Batman >>mug in the commercial? > >No, I was the one who stole the Batmobile while he was inside. >They edited that out of the final cut. Why would the Riddler have the Batmobile?! Huh? Huh? He'd have the Riddlermobile if anything! > >Also, if you would notice, she wasn't wearing a trainee tag, so >how could that be me? I'm the dame of the trainees! Hey, I never professed to watching the commercial TOO closely. What, you think I have a lot of time on my hands?! > >None of this is to say I haven't given things to guys >dressed up in tights.... That's the last time we take you to a Renaissance Fair. ******//////////// (oops, +that's another message from the cat. and these + signs are too, she's half-sitting on the keypad now.) >>Oh, you're gonna burn for that one, I can just feel it. > >Did you know spatulas are now bullet proof to withstand > the heaviest of attacks? See? They do care about > whether we live or we die. Yeah, but that still doesn't justify using them to kill cockaroaches! > >>>(The next time you see a McD employee wearing >>>a button that says TLC, it stands for Tastes Like >>>Chicken) >> >>I thought it meant Take Lotsa Catsup! > >Try Looting Cautiously. >Tastes Like Crap. Try Lemon Cookies. -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "troc" in "Trocadero" "Our trampoline is named Jerry! He's fat and springy!" - Milk & Cheese Do yourself a flavor flav. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula "Hey, that's the mayor of the town. Maybe he'll deputize us or something."
Here:
[ ]
--Bill (bored--sorry)
--
Not responsible!
Boot Zero (bootzero@aol.com) wrote: : Big Hips.... : Sink Ships... other things that sink ships: U-boats Glaciers Drunk captains Too many people in the ship A big hole in the ship A little hole in the ship and lots of time I got lots of time Time-time-time is on my side Time is money Time is 04:53:56 I'm outta time No, guess I'm not Other ships Too much water Gilligan The skipper, too (who is technically a captain) The Captain and Tennile (no, wait, they sunk like a ship) Kamakazi pilots -papa
In article <42gepl$l06@ixnews5.ix.netcom.com> mikroa@ix.netcom.com (Michael Roach ) writes: >In <vtkk.v1wki.1438.01E19787@elvi.vtkk.fi> vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi >(Magnus Mulqvist) writes: >> >>In article <425qef$8fi$1@mhadg.production.compuserve.com> Bill >Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> writes: >> >>>I just might have the answer. >>>So, c'mon. Tell me your question. >>>Please? >> >>Whatt is the terminal velocity of an unladen swallow? >> >>You know what happens if you don't know the answer. >> >>*MM >Is that a European swallow, or an African swallow? No. There you go! *MM
On 1 Sep 1995, John Lodder wrote:
> I don't know why, I thought it sounded like a good thing to say.
if everyone said oink, the world would be a better place.
oink!
Oinkman -- can you say "oink!" boys and girls?
--
Oinkman (dleer@lawson.its.utas.edu.au) ,--_|\
Oinkman says "oink!", (but Ross said it first:) - is that better?/ \
http://metro.turnpike.net/~Dexter/ oink! oink! \_,--\_/
"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
Yeah, so every once and a while some of them youngsters come around with a bag full of chickens. They know they can't use them anywhere cause they're hotter than the Colonel's 13 herbs and spices, so they come to me. I can get things done. I got this pal of mine who is deeply indebted to me for something I can't tell yous right now but lets just say that he owes me big. Anyways, he works at the Purdue farms and anytime I got any stolen chickens, I go to him and he cools them down. Within a week --pow-- the kids got chickens to flaunt all over the city. Of course there is my 15 percent fee...
Okay. I just realized the subject line. But I still don't have a [ ] what it means. So I'm asking. What is an "upid?" And what makes them best? --Bill (who once thought he had a [ ]) -- Not responsible!
In article <42ipeo$370$3@mhadf.production.compuserve.com> Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> writes: >Okay. I just realized the subject line. But I still don't >have a [ ] what it means. >So I'm asking. What is an "upid?" >And what makes them best? >--Bill (who once thought he had a [ ]) Could it be that upids have something to do with the space upials in the neighboring thread? As for their bestness, ...uh, _where's MY [ ]??_ *MM
In article <42do76$8er@dub-news-svc-3.compuserve.com>, Philip Rodrigues <100735.170@compuserve.com> wrote: >aardvark@bga.com (aardvark) wrote: > >>When the green phone rings we're all in deep trouble. If it rings, don't >>answer it, those non-clergy marsupials are probably on the other end. >>Better stock up on polar solvents. >> >Go easy on the substance man Yes, please do! The substance man is our friend! Every afternoon he comes along in his little white truck with the tinkly bells that make the happy music, and all the kids come a-runnin' so they can buy some substance from the substance man! Aah, such happy memories of childhood. -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "troc" in "Trocadero" "Our trampoline is named Jerry! He's fat and springy!" - Milk & Cheese Do yourself a flavor flav. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula "Hey, that's the mayor of the town. Maybe he'll deputize us or something."
papa@boi.hp.com (papa legba) wrote: >Flapjack (nosmith@vaxsar.vassar.edu) wrote: >: Hey folks! I'm back! > (suh-nip) > > So how's your butt? > > -papa Buttastic flapjack-who has decided to go with the flow on this butt thing -- Flapjack-farmer tanned, inadequately rested, and full of piss and vinegar "END CONSTPUCTION"-a roadsign I saw about a year ago Now hard at work on improving: http://openweb.vassar.edu/students/nosmith/nosmith.html
Bill Wilkinson (70325.1137@CompuServe.COM) wrote: : Magnus and Ross sed: : :>Ross--quien es no mejor en Espanol. : :*MM -- joka ehdottaa jotta koetetaanpa suomeksi! : You ain't got no friends on your left! : (yer right!) : You ain't got no friends on your right! : (yer left!) : HOUND DOG! : POON TANG! : HOUND DOG POON TANG COON TOWN!!!! : ARRRGGG!!! : --Bill (stupid) Sorry, I don't get it--I flunked flank. Ross--who figures that qualifies him to be stupid.
In article <42djnn$mv4$2@mhadf.production.compuserve.com>, Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> wrote: >I was just resting my head against my right hand with my eyes >unfocused and looking slightly beyond the keyboard. > >All the keys appeared to be in 3D!!!! That's what I do when I want to watch television in 3D. I push my left eyeball in -juuuuust a little- and pow! David Hasslehoff is comin' atcha in 3D! Of course, I have to be careful not to push TOO hard or else I'll pop my eye out. It's happened on occasion and it's not too much fun. -- tv's Spatch, the guy who puts the "troc" in "Trocadero" "Our trampoline is named Jerry! He's fat and springy!" - Milk & Cheese Do yourself a flavor flav. http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula "Hey, that's the mayor of the town. Maybe he'll deputize us or something."
I think it was supposed to be a place where people should repost any really stupid articles they find on Usenet. However, it seems to have evolved into mostly original posts of a nonsensical nature. Anybody disagree with that? Sorry I am being so boringly rational, that's not allowed here. -- Also found in aus.mus, soc.cul.aus, alt.stu, alt.ang, aus.jok
Bill Wilkinson (70325.1137@CompuServe.COM) wrote: : limrag@bu.edu (Ross) told me: : :Nope, you pass. : Thanks. I appreciate that. : :Ross--who's practicing to be a Federal employee. : Is that why you're carrying that mailbag and an assault rifle? Nope, they're just for show. : --Bill (who's really thankful that he's passed, now) Ross--who is sending Bill his merit badge now.
Anti JN (dat92jni@ludat.lth.se) wrote: : In some bacon article Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> stated: : >Me wrote: : > : >:Ross flames us becasue we didn't attribute them. : > : >Actually, I posted that because I've always wanted to : >use "becasue" in a sentence. Yeah, well Emo Phillips did it first, unless you're Mr. Phillips, Mr. Phillips (but he didn't really). Nice theory. : Yes, the word "becasue" has some poetic value, : one might even say beautiful in the images it brings : to mind... how dare you use such language in this froup!?! He dared pretty easily, it seemed. So I guess "how dare you?" "with ease" : >Not responsible! : Oh. See? : /^JN - The Anti JN - Doing an "allnighter". Unfortunately, not with a girl. Hey, whatever your choice may be, I'm not one to criticize. Ross--who really is one to criticize, but he won't becasue he's feeling nice.
Sorry, somehow when I hit "q" for quit my computer thoght I hit "p" for post and it post the article which I was going to quite before I could even get a chance to step on the twinkie. And that, Deborah, is what I think the group is about. Oh, and from now on your name is Change-girl. Unless papa has something different to say about it. But wait a minute, wouldn't that mean that you are challenging Spatch and his nickel-giving-away tendencies? Wow, for someone "new to the group" (which is really a froup, by the by) I wouldn't take on the god and lord title-giver of the froup, not to mention the keeper of the faq, and the best snooker player except for the Anti-JN who always cracks the sticks over your head so no one ever wants to play with him....wow, I wouldn't try to take Spatch on, but if that's the kind of person you are, Change-girl, then so be it. Ross--who's always glad to be of service.
Ross Garmil (limrag@bu.edu) wrote: : Sorry, somehow when I hit "q" for quit my computer thoght I hit "p" for post : and it post the article which I was going to quite before I could even : get a chance to step on the twinkie. : And that, Deborah, is what I think the group is about. : Oh, and from now on your name is Change-girl. Unless papa has something : different to say about it. But wait a minute, wouldn't that mean that you : are challenging Spatch and his nickel-giving-away tendencies? Wow, for : someone "new to the group" (which is really a froup, by the by) I wouldn't : take on the god and lord title-giver of the froup, not to mention the : keeper of the faq, and the best snooker player except for the Anti-JN who : always cracks the sticks over your head so no one ever wants to play : with him....wow, I wouldn't try to take Spatch on, but if that's the kind : of person you are, Change-girl, then so be it. : Ross--who's always glad to be of service. Change-girl is acceptable. -papa, who approves stuff
In article <42elch$brf$1@mhafn.production.compuserve.com>, 70325.1137@CompuServe.COM says... >.Peas porridge hot, >.Peas porridge cold, >.Peas porridge in the pot >.Nine days old. >. >.No. Waitaminute. > >.Okay. > >.Ring around the rosey. >.Pocket full of... > >.Uhh... > >.Rumpsy dumpsy! >.Rumpsy dumpsy! >.Col. Johnson kill... > >.Nevermind. > >--Bill (to hell with it) > >-- >Not responsible! No, No, No. It's as follows: Those that can, won't. Those that will, shouldn't ... uh... Those that shouldn't do but ... um ... Those that shouldn't have, always do. Right? Or is it: Those that taught, don't. Those that teach, can't. ... er ... Those that could teach are on vacation. Those that can't teach... do! Uhh...yarh that's it. Umm... isn't it. Kent ---- Those that sit, don't. Those that do, aren't. Those that...
In article <423p6g$pa9@hpscit.sc.hp.com> papa@boi.hp.com (papa legba) writes: > Please define fish. FISH: n. Vertebrate cold-blooded animal with gills, living in water; its flesh as food. (pl. fish, fish'es) --v. (attempt to) catch fish; search (for); try to get information indirectly. --fish'er n. -- fish'ery n. business of fishing; fishing ground --fish'y a. of, like or full of fish; dubious, open to suspicion; unsafe. --fish'erman n. one who catches fish for a living or for pleasure --fish'finger n. small pice of fish covered in breadcrumbs. -- fish'monger [-mung-] n. seller of fish; --fish'wife n. coarse, scolding woman. [Collins English Gem dictionary, 1990 edition] Alternatively: Fish is that git of a hippy that lives in Bay 3. Happy now? Smurf, who really shouldn't be at work right now.
In article: <walsterd.96.304B9BE5@lincoln.gpsemi.com> walsterd@lincoln.gpsemi.com (Dave Walster) writes: > > In article <423p6g$pa9@hpscit.sc.hp.com> papa@boi.hp.com (papa legba) writes: > > > Please define fish. > > FISH: n. Vertebrate cold-blooded animal with gills, living in water; > its flesh as food. (pl. fish, fish'es) --v. (attempt to) catch fish; > search (for); try to get information indirectly. --fish'er n. > -- fish'ery n. business of fishing; fishing ground > --fish'y a. of, like or full of fish; dubious, open to suspicion; > unsafe. --fish'erman n. one who catches fish for a living or > for pleasure --fish'finger n. small pice of fish covered in breadcrumbs. > -- fish'monger [-mung-] n. seller of fish; --fish'wife n. coarse, > scolding woman. > > [Collins English Gem dictionary, 1990 edition] > > Alternatively: Fish is that git of a hippy that lives in Bay 3. > > Happy now? > > Smurf, who really shouldn't be at work right now. > Oh No I'm not I'm the git who's sat in front of this here monitor. Also the person who does know when to go home from work. fish -- or something ?????????????????????????????????????????? Doctrine is nothing but the skin of Truth set up and stuffed Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887) fish@pondlife.demon.co.uk (aka Kev Salmon) "my opinions are probably out of date"
Oh my goodness pished again, faaaaar to muchh to driiiiiiink tonighhht sssssssssssozzzzzzlded, completlyyyyyyyy ddddddddruuuunk sooooooooooooooo druuuuuuunk iinfacct tthatttttt iI'm sslurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring mmmyyy worddzzz. Theeereeeeeeeeeeeee ssshould be a law againsssst thiss hic Oh well neveeeeeeeeer minddd I shsalll dddoo ittt allllll over aaaaaaaaaaaaaagaiiiiin tttttttttommooorrooooooow nnniught hhaha hha fish -- or something ?????????????????????????????????????????? Doctrine is nothing but the skin of Truth set up and stuffed Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887) fish@pondlife.demon.co.uk (aka Kev Salmon) "my opinions are probably out of date"
In some bacon article jim@kildare.demon.co.uk (Jim Wraith) stated: >tortess@panix.com (Tortess) wrote: > > >* Fart, and the whole world farts along with you. > >* Ever notice? > >Did you know....... That if everybody in the whole world farted at th >exact same time, the earth would crack? Yeah, but what would happen to that crack? Will it fart too? /^JN - The Anti JN - -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! Lord Jester of Antioc # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In some bacon article Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> stated:
>jim@dr.kildare.demon.co.uk (Jim Wraith) prescribed:
>
>:#include <stdio.h>
>:
>:void main()
>:{
>: int i=0;
>:
>: for (;;) {
>: if (i < 10)
>: printf("cheese ");
>: i++;
>: else {
>: printf("\n");
>: i = 0;
>: }
>: }
>:}
>
>Far too many stupidians are cheese addicts...
Aye, cheese may seem wonderful at the beginning, but when you're
stuck in the addiction there's nothing good about it.
Trust me I know about these things.
/^JN - The Anti JN - Who shudders when he thinks about the CEA.
--
####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> #######
# The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! Lord Jester of Antioc #
# Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se #
############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In some bacon article Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> stated: >..my fingers can manipulate the keyboard so quickly and >deftly that I amaze myself. That indicates a certin amount of training. >(hmmm--manipulate) [Hmmm--manipulable] >--Bill (that's pronounced "vee eye") /^JN - The Anti JN - Pronounced "veem". As in 3.0. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! Lord Jester of Antioc # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In some bacon article Flapjack <nosmith@vaxsar.vassar.edu> stated: >Okay folks, will I go to hell because. . . Yes. >I really enjoyed watching the Emmys? No. >I continue to purchase M&M/Mars products depsite my revulsion towards the >blue M&M's? No. >I occaisionally post to alt.tv.simpsons? No. >I've been telling Freshmen about that "if your roommate commits suicide >you're guaranteed a B+ average" rule? No. >I refuse to call Kraft Macaroni and Cheese "Kraft Cheese and Macaroni?" No. >I'm working on my own best-of-alt.stupidity WWW page and making it >Netscape-enhanced? Yes. You'll probably rot in hell for that. And there's only one way of redemption: MAKE THE WHOLE FARKIN PAGE IN BLINK!!! >flapjack-who also killed a man, but didn't think it was worth mentioning No. >-- >Flapjack-farmer tanned, inadequately rested, and full of piss and vinegar >"END CONSTPUCTION"-a roadsign I saw about a year ago >Now hard at work on improving: >http://openweb.vassar.edu/students/nosmith/nosmith.html No. /^JN - The Anti JN - Who has killed lots of fluffy things, but no man. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! Lord Jester of Antioc # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In some bacon article ivan@adventures.of (Reid Fleming) stated: ><snip> >> flapjack-who also killed a man, but didn't think it was worth mentioning > >As long as you didn't kill the Easter Bunny or Little "Bunny" Fru Fru (I >still say it was a rabbit- I always played with my food as a child), I >think you still have a shot at purgatory. > >Reid >Who doesn't blame Anti-JN, he blames society. Well, if I gotta burn for killing a fluffy, cuddly and despicably nice rabbit then that's the way it'll go. /^JN - The Anti JN - Who has no regrets. No grets either. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! Lord Jester of Antioc # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In some bacon article ivan@adventures.of (Reid Fleming) stated: >If Fuzzy Wuzzy wuz a bear, >and Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, >Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy, >wuz he? > >And if Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, >does that mean that Anti-JN didn't kill him? Only if he was fluffy, cuddly or excessively cute. Or if I felt like it. >Reid >Just curious. Hey! Don't you know what happened to the cat? /^JN - The Anti JN - It posted to Alt.stupididity. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! Lord Jester of Antioc # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In some bacon article semy@msg.ti.com (The .44 Magnum Doughnut) stated: >In article <no-kitty@safjklafsljkafsfas> spatula@gecko.concorde.com (tv's Spatch) writes: > >[..] > >> Here on alt.stoopiddity! > >>- spatch, yes, i know i left a few of you out. tough titties. - > >You left us out cause we have tough titties? And if this was the reason he left us out, should we be flattered or insulted? Perhaps that depends on if you're female or not. I mean, a male can't be insulted if you say he's got tough titties (read pecs), can he? /^JN - The Anti JN - Not sure if this is either perverted or illegal. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! Lord Jester of Antioc # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
mhilvers@inter.NL.net (Martin Hilvers) wrote: :Or in Dutch; :Mooie zeden in Ede zei oom. :(which oddly enough is no palindrome anymore after translation; :Nice customs in Ede said uncle. (Ede is a small town)) Is there some kind of crom job or shell script that wakes up this time of year and restarts this thread? ;-) :MH ^^^ Is that some new kind of smiley, or are you distantly related to *MM? (Lives just northeast of you.) --Bill (who thinks it's crom---errr, cron. the other is a reference about a movie starring arnold swartzen...swarsen... that guy who started the WTF thread) -- Not responsible!
<In article <ivan-1209950914310001@108.233.med.umich.edu> ivan@adventures.of (Reid Fleming) writes: <If Fuzzy Wuzzy wuz a bear, A bare....what? <and Fuzzy Wuzzy had no hair, Oh, that kinda bare. <Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't very fuzzy, Maybe he's a peach? <wuz he? He who? <And if Fuzzy Wuzzy wasn't fuzzy, <does that mean that Anti-JN didn't kill him? Not necessarily....then again....hmmm. <Reid <Just curious. Not insane!
I used to have a job (This story has nothing to do with the "used to".. I swear it!) repairing communications equipment. One of our large customers was the city (Police and Fire Department radios, etc.) Well anywayz... My boss had went to pick up some parts and I thought he had left them in his Jeep. He was talking to a police officer when I interupted him, asking "Is that pot you bought for me still in your Jeep?" You should have seen the look on the cops face, especially when my boss said "Yea, just a sec...." ---Steve (True story, honest!)
In article <4376c8$r7o@giga.bga.com> MascoJones, aardvark@bga.com writes: >Have any of you ever tried reading a velcro newspapar? Well, I'll tell >ya, it's tough. It's real frustrating trying to separate those pages >that are stuck together. What a hassle. I've spent more time undoing >velcro than I have reading. It makes a neat sound, though. I especially like sticking mine to the back of someone's shirt while I'm standing in line. ___________ Suzanne (non-dame) Schroeder
In article <4383ai$9ej@ultra.sonic.net> ian@sonic.net (Ian Baker) writes:
>(mailto:ian@sonic.net __oOO______OOo__ mailto:ibaker@nermal.santarosa.edu)
> || ____ || http://www.santarosa.edu/~ibaker
> |/ Oo \|
>---
(mailto:ian@sonic.net __oOO______OOo__ mailto:ibaker@nermal.santarosa.edu)
|| || http://www.santarosa.edu/~ibaker
\| |/
: :
,
;
*MM
The Anti JN said to me: :>--Bill (that's pronounced "vee eye") Well, actually, it's pronounced like it's spelled: "Bill." :/^JN - The Anti JN - Pronounced "veem". As in 3.0. Oh, come on! It is not! That pronunciation is nowhere close to "JN!" Uh, should I ask my sysadmin about veem 3.0 (or whatever)? --Bill (who <i>likes</i> vi) -- Not responsible!
On 15 Sep 1995 02:32:25 GMT, Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> wrote: > The Anti JN said to me: > > :>--Bill (that's pronounced "vee eye") > Hmm.. if 'Bill' is pronounced "vee eye", is William pronounced "vee eye patch level 24l5.32"? > > :/^JN - The Anti JN - Pronounced "veem". As in 3.0. > > Oh, come on! It is not! That pronunciation is nowhere > close to "JN!" But it does sound a lot like "Bill" > > Uh, should I ask my sysadmin about veem 3.0 (or whatever)? > > --Bill (who <i>likes</i> vi) cagey -- who <emph>LOVES</emph> vim 3.0 even more then bill <i>likes</i> vi
Flapjack (nosmith@vaxsar.vassar.edu) wrote:
: limrag@bu.edu (Ross Garmil) wrote:
: >Flapjack (nosmith@vaxsar.vassar.edu) wrote:
: >
: >Ok, Flapjack, now i have to sock you about five or six times.
: >
: >Sorry, but I gotta do it.
: >
: >Sock.
: >Sock.
: >Sock.
: >Sock.
: >sock.
: >sock.
: >
: You can tell his heart wasn't in it because he stopped capitalizing his
: S's
: >
: >Ross--who didn't sock Bill because Bill asked.
: Are you sure it was realy him?
: flapjack-who doesn't quite see the point in inventing a new word and not
: letting anyone use it
Hmm... good point. Let me think about this.... Oh nevermind, thinking
sucks!
Aha! I've got it. I hereby classify my new word as shareware. You can
evaluate Elvestite (TM) for a period of thirty days. However if you
continue to use it, you must send thirty dollars. This word is freely
distributable, however it must be distributed unaltered and with all files
including the registration form.
Just fill out a check for thirty bucks, digitize and send it to me in gif
or jpeg format.
---Steve
!!!!WARNING!!!!
You are being video taped for your safety.
In article <vtkk.v1wki.1497.006EE637@elvi.vtkk.fi>, Magnus Mulqvist <vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi> wrote: >In article <95257.155848CODY@MAINE.MAINE.EDU> <CODY@MAINE.MAINE.EDU> writes: > >>Oracle, you've gotta help me! Every time I try to post to rec.humor.oracle, >>I crosspost to alt.stupidity! What should I do? > >Try to post to alt.stupidity. You owe the Stupid Oracle two strips of juicy bacon. -- tv's Spatch, who puts the "http" in http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula "Well, it may not be responding because a lot of people are logging into the Internet at this hour..." - fellow at the "I-SNET Information Superhighway On-Ramp" at the Big E, explaining why their net access suddenly went down
In article <DEwMr6.7Ep@uns.bris.ac.uk>, ID. Schofield <chids@mail.bris.ac.uk> wrote: >CE. Wood (chcew@mail.bris.ac.uk) wrote: > >: bacon, sorry can't see why you want to say that. >: bacon to me means loin vibration and always makes me fart. > >Perhaps you ought to stop putting it up your arse then. You know, he's got a point there. -- tv's Spatch, who puts the "http" in http://metro.turnpike.net/S/spatula "Well, it may not be responding because a lot of people are logging into the Internet at this hour..." - fellow at the "I-SNET Information Superhighway On-Ramp" at the Big E, explaining why their net access suddenly went down
That my legs seem to be defective. They bend at the very end and seperate into five little nubs at the tip. Sure, it comes in handy, but I don't want to take gym because the others might make fun of me in the shower room. ____________ Suzanne Schroeder
In some bacon article Bill Wilkinson <70325.1137@CompuServe.COM> stated: >The Anti JN said to me: > >:>--Bill (that's pronounced "vee eye") > >Well, actually, it's pronounced like it's spelled: "Bill." Hey, make up your mind already! >:/^JN - The Anti JN - Pronounced "veem". As in 3.0. > >Oh, come on! It is not! That pronunciation is nowhere >close to "JN!" Is too! >Uh, should I ask my sysadmin about veem 3.0 (or whatever)? I recommend it. >--Bill (who <i>likes</i> vi) /^JN - The Anti JN - loves <strong>vim 3.0</strong> over all other editors. -- ####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> ####### # The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! Lord Jester of Antioc # # Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se # ############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
In some bacon article vtkk.v1wki@elvi.vtkk.fi
(The Japanese Prime Minister) stated:
>In article <437het$i1g@news.bu.edu> limrag@bu.edu (Ross Garmil) writes:
> [ snipola ]
>>Fine, I'm sorry. I meant Cadmium, and then I remembered that Cobolt
>>is blue and Cadmium has nothing to do with M&M's and I was especially
>>embarrassed so I threw up on the Japanese prime minister last night--
>>you happy?
>
>Indeed I'm not, becuase now my suit is all blue, which isn't so bad becuase
^^^^^^^
>it was all blue in the first place, but now it smells like *MM, which isn't so
>bad at all, but now it's all wet, and that's bad becuase one history professor
>and one nazi officer have already taken me for Indiana Jones.
You misspleened "becasue". Hope shears whelp.
>The Japanese PM
/^JN - The Anti JN - Hey, what does PM stand for? Post Mortem?
--
####### <A HREF="http://www.df.lth.se/~jesper/AntiJN.html"> Anti! </A> #######
# The Anti-JN smirks! Time to bail out! Lord Jester of Antioc #
# Jesper Nilsson -- dat92jni@ludat.lth.se || jesper@df.lth.se #
############## I've heard of UNIseX, but I've never had it. ################
dat92jni@ludat.lth.se (Anti JN) wrote: * Yeah, but what would happen to that crack? Will it fart too? Yep! And then the solar system'd crack. That happens all the time! Don't believe? Then how's the universe all the time? +-------------------------+-----------------------+------------+ | "He's representative of |.......................|''''''''''''| | his sickly breed." |jim@kildare.demon.co.uk| Jim Wraith | | -Ren and Stimpy |'''''''''''''''''''''''|............| +-------------------------+-----------------------+------------+
Jesper Nilsson // dat92jni@ludat.lth.se or jesper@df.lth.se