Let's see if I can remember the point values that were assigned earlier to
make up the Qwik-N-EZ Grammar-Meter Flamage Guide... or maybe I should
just assign new values. Whatever.
Spatula, Inc. presents
THE QWIK-N-EZ GRAMMAR-METER FLAMAGE GUIDE
DISCLAIMER:
The four cheapest shots one can take while flaming are thus:
* Age flames (you stupid 16-year-old HAHAHA)
* Lineage flames (your mom fucked a dog and had you HAHAHA)
* School flames (UMASS is a shit school like you HAHAHAHA)
* Spelling/grammar flames (you cant spell worth shit HAHAHA)
While this document does not advocate extreme spelling flames, especially
in the case of one misspelt or badly punctuated word in an otherwise
brilliant post, it does serve as a tool for those who flame certain
individuals who seem to have flunked all spelling tests in Elementary
School. It's also fun.
CAVEAT:
Don't flame for a spelling/grammar mistake that you often make
yourself, for then you will be labeled a hypocrite and that is worse than
being labeled a bad speller.
DESPERATE PLEA:
If you are really anal-retentive then don't read or use this. You'll
only end up making our lives more miserable than they already are. This is
to be used against only those who imply either explicitly or subtly "ignor
my spelling bcause i am god". There are no real nitpicky charges here, only
basic rules of grammar that any decently-educated human being should know.
ADDITION:
Cluelessness flames are now added to a certain degree.
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SCORE INFRACTION
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-1 Stupid or misspelt username Example: k00lguy@aol.com
CYBERMONKY CLAUSE: Score may not be given in the case of name
abbreviation. cybermonky@aol.com could not fit the entire word
"monkey" into his/her name because of a 10-character username limit.
-5 Poorly-attributed quoting, OR quote attribution but no real quote
(most users on AOL in replying will get this point unless they know
how to cut-and-paste)
-5 beginning of sentence not capitalized (see?)
-5 Two words were puttogether
-10 Apostrophes werent used
-10 Two sentences not spaced properly. You need two spaces after each
sentence end.
-10 A comma was used wrong,either by a lack of space or, putting the
comma where it doesn't belong
-20 Run-on sentences are used you will get penalized if you use them!
-20 Pathetic attempt at argument / rhetoric
-25 Not capitalizing the I in Internet
-25 Referring to a "newsgroup" as a forum, BBS, area, room, or anything
else that is not spelled n-e-w-s-g(f)-r-o-u-p (Sorry, Haydie)
-25 Making lame "Information Superhighway" metaphor (e.g. "on-ramp",
"pit stop", "Slow down!")
-25 Poster begins follow-up with obscenity
-25 Excessive use of smileys
-25 Flaming someone whose smiley has/doesn't have a nose [ :-) vs :) ]
-25 Excessive use of obscenity
-30 So much obscenity it'd make a drill sergeant blush
-30 Attempt to disguise obscenity with ASCII (eat sh|t you f*cking
a$$hole!) in a flame group
-50 Misspelt obscenity (you fucken asshol!!)
-50 Posing a question but not using a question mark. Doesn't that just
bother you.
-50 Excessive use of exclamation points!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(add -5 for each exclamation point that is a '1')
-50 Poorly-attempted forge
-75 Referring to the Internet as "The Information Superhighway"
-75 Confusing the USENET with the Internet (e.g. "Get those pornographic
postings off the Internet!")
-75 SHOUTING THE ENTIRE POST.
(B1FF5PEEK clause: Should the post be in B1FF5PEEK in a satirical
context, only a flat score of -10 should be given at the flamer's
discretion, since B1FF5PEEK, along with anything by e.e. cummings
would send the flamer's computational work through the roof.)
-100 Quoting a long article only to add one line at the end
-100 Given any time the lines of the poster's .sig is greater than the
lines of the actual article
-100 Writing a follow-up with no quotes and no context (Example:
loser@idiot.world.com posts in the middle of a thread "Ya and your
mom likes to eat dog piss too" with no quotes or attributions
or whatever)
-100 Referring to the Internet as "The Infobahn"
-100 Flamebait so obvious even Andrew Beckwith wouldn't bite
-100 Asking "I know this question is in the FAQ and/or has been asked
a million times before BUT..."
-X General cluelessness
NOTE: This score is a variable score, depending on several things,
most notably the actual cluelessness of the poster and the
mood of the flamer.
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Remember, this document is not to nitpick occasional slip-ups, but to trash
the flagrant violators. Have fun! Comment, suggest, distribute, all that
but keep the original author's name and such in the post!
(in this case this is spatula@twain.ucs.umass.edu, Spatch!)
...else beware the wrath of a capybara scorned.
Additions and improvements always welcome.
La la la.
Let's keep a HIGH SCORES list too (er, LOW SCORES, er STUPID SCORES).
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--
_ spatula@twain.ucs.umass.edu - FBB Forklift Driver
|X| "WAITER!"
Jesper Nilsson // dat92jni@ludat.lth.se or jesper@df.lth.se