The Board of Regents of The University of California rejects the application for a tenured faculty position at The University of California at Berkeley of the applicant "God" on the following grounds: 1) Applicant has only one major publication. 2) Said publication was written in Hebrew. 3) Publication was devoid of references. 4) Publication was not published in a refereed journal. 5) Applicant is currently under investigation for plagarism. 6) Applicant has produced no significant body of work since Creation. 7) Applicant's co-operative efforts have been severely limited. 8) Applicant's results have proved impossible to reproduce. 9) Applicant is currently under investigation for experimentation on human subjects without proper authorization or safeguards. 10) Applicant is currently under investigation for attempting to drown the subjects of a failed experiment. 11) Applicant is currently under investigation for fabricating data. 12) Applicant has a reputation for improperly adjusting data by deleting subjects who do not behave as predicted. 13) Applicant has a distinctly inferior teaching record: All His lectures were in fact given by His son. He never attended class, merely instructing students to read the text. He expelled his first two students for learning. He holds infrequent office hours, usually in inaccessible regions. More than 90% of students fail the course, despite the fact that there are only ten requirements.
Jesper Nilsson // dat92jni@ludat.lth.se or jesper@df.lth.se