Eddie Saxe (saxe@cs.unc.edu) wrote: : In article <orly-0110942354500001@ppp109.usc.edu>, : Victor R. Orly <orly@phakt.usc.edu> signed: : > : >* * *** ******* ********* ******* ******** ********************* : > * * * * * * * * * * * * : > * * * * * * * ******** * FIGHT * : > * * * * * * * * * * * ON * : > * *** ******* * ******* * * * TROJANS! * : > * * : > ******* ******** * * * * * ***** ****** : >* * * * * * * * * * * : >* * ******** * * * * * ***** * : >* * * * * * * * * * * : > ******* * * ******* * ***** ***** ****** : > : > : > orly@phakt.usc.edu : > B.S., Aerospace Engineering, December 1994 : MARMET, West Virginia (WPI) -- As the rest of the country pulls out of : the recession, no thanks to the Failed Clinton Presidency and their : Liberal Democratic Lackeys, Marmetians can only look on in envy and : anger. Says Mayor J. Harold ``Harry'' Brunvand, ``Things just haven't : been the same since the bottom dropped out of the asterisk market.'' : What few people know, and even fewer do anything about, is Marmet's : silent shame: that a town, built to great proportions by the growth of : MicroSoft and their product, MS-DOS, could also be destroyed by them. : ``When MicroSoft first came to us about producing a software product : made 100% in the USA,'' says Marmet Chamber of Commerce head Marilynn : Brunvand, ``we were all fired up. Switching over the coal-processing : machinery to handle asterisks was a big job, but we were ready to do it : for our country.'' : And they did. From 1980 to 1990, Marmet was the leading producer of : asterisks in the world. But even then, there were signs that things : were not all right. : ``We went all out for them.'' says Brunvand, ``But even then, there : were signs that things were not all right. Even though there were no : tariffs on asterisks produced here, in America, the transportation costs : to get them to Seattle were eating up our price advantage. MicroSoft : was always threatening to start mining asterisks in Canada, right across : its border with the State of Washington. In fact, right before every- : thing happened, they set up shop a stone's throw away from Seattle, in : Hopedale, Canada.'' : It's fairly hard to find a Marmetian who is willing to talk about when : ``everything happened,'' but Marmet's City Manager, James Parry, places : the blame squarely on the NAFTA trade agreement. : ``I place the blame for our plight squarely on the NAFTA treaty.'' : says Parry. ``When many people talk about jobs taken away from American : workers by that treaty, they talk about Mexico. But there's been a con- : spiratorial silence about the jobs taken by Canadians, some of whom : don't even speak English!'' : Brunvand agrees. ``While we lost some jobs to Canada when NAFTA was : just some smoke on the horizon, when the Clinton Democrats railroaded it : past the opposition of Congress and the American people, we lost : everything.'' : ``I remember the day it happened,'' Brunvand continues, ``My : daughter, Becky-Sue, had just hurt her ankle in drill-team practice. As : ____ __ it came over the radio that NAFTA had been passed, : /____><__\ she said to me, `Daddy, I think we've just been hurt : // _ _ \\ even worse than my ankle.'' ' : || /o\ /o\ || Two weeks after NAFTA went through, MicroSoft : || \_/||\_/ || announced it would be severing its ties with Marmet : || : /\ || and shift its MS-DOS and Windows products to use 90% : ||\ : __ /|| Canadian asterisks in less than five days. : || \ / \ / || But Brunvand does not feel defeated. ``I just : || |\____/| || laugh when I think about voting Ollie North into the : || ||| ||| || Senate in November,'' Brunvand chuckles. ``That : oo oo| |oo oo will put some principles back into Congress.'' : Becky-Sue Brunvand And there are factors bringing back Marmet's : economy. Marmet's leading employer, US*, : (pronounced yoo-ess-star) has just signed a deal with a tiny Unix : company in the Netherlands. ``By the grace of God and Linus Torvalds,'' : says US* CEO David Rhoades, ``we're bringing hope back, not just to : Marmet, Pennsylvania, but to the entire country.'' : But they have a lot to work against. Cheap asterisks have entrenched : themselves in the market within the past few years. And the way some : people use them like there was no tomorrow, it's doubtful that companies : could maintain those figures with American asterisks and still remain : competative. : But Rhoades doesn't find these facts frightening. ``If Americans just : take a little more time when using asterisks, asking themself, `Is this : asterisk really necessary here?' they can easily cut back their : asterisk usage. And at that level of use, I'm sure the tiny added : expense of using American asterisks is far overshadowed by the quality : they are adding to their documents.'' : So as Marmet slowly tries to rebuild itself, Brunvand has some words : of advice for her fellow Americans. ``It's tricky to find asterisks : that were produced here in America. Just because the company that's : selling them to you is American, doesn't mean that the asterisks don't : come from Canada.'' : Some simple methods of checking whether or not the asterisks you are : currently using were made in America are: : =o= Count the number of points, or ``tines'' are on your asterisks. : While you might assume that the six-tined asterisks are a sign of : the higher-quality American product, the truth is that they only : require three strokes to complete, rather than the five full strokes : that are used to create five-tined asterisks. ``While there are : American six-tined asterisks,'' says Rhoades, ``US* owns a copyright : on five-tined asterisks, so you can rest assured that every five- : tined asterisk was produced here in America. : =o= Examine your asterisks under magnification, to check for aliasing, : otherwise known as ``the jaggies.'' ``Excessive aliasing,'' says : Brunvand, ``is a sure sign that your asterisks do not come from : America.'' In fact, some excessively aliasing asterisks found in : common packages from Adobe Photoshop to MicroSoft Word were found : to have come from countries as far away as Pakistan and Tibet! : =o= If you have a windowing system, highlight your asterisks, and : magnify the result. If you see cracks, you are using foreign : asterisks. ``ANSI regulations require that every asterisk produced : in America today pass 27 different quality checks.'' notes Rhoades, : ``But import regulations only specify those same checks to sixteen : asterisks from every batch [there are 65,536 asterisks per batch] of : imported asterisks.'' : What can you do to help? Well, the American Amateur Asterisk : Association offers many suggestions in their information brochure which : you can get by mailing to: American Amateur Asterisk Association : 1 Star Drive : Boston, MA, 02139 : Among some of the other suggestions are: : =o= Insist upon seeing the ASCII manifest before purchasing a new : software product. If the product uses EBCDIC rather than ASCII, you : will not need to check the manifest for products written before : August 14, 2003 due to IBM licensing agreements. : =o= Write your Senators, asking them to support the bill HR4922, : otherwise known as the Asterisk Realignment Bill. This bill, : supported by all US producers of asterisks, will straighten out the : current unbalances in US asterisk trade regulations. It will also : allow as US producer of asterisks to, for a proper fee, mine : asterisks from otherwise-unused Federal land. : =o= Avoid overusing asterisks. While there are a few studies currently : looking for alternative supplies of asterisks, at the present time : the supply is just as limited as oil or coal. When they're gone, : they're gone. : =o= Get the word out. Many people do not know that the asterisk : situation is in this present state. The asterisk community does not : have the funds or the manpower to defend themselves. It's up to : regular citizens like yourself to support them. : Eddie : -- : This signature is 100% cruelty-free. -- HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H Do not waste your time or energy. Take advantage H H of the opportunity life provides to refine yourself H H and develop your virtue. --Ni, Hua-Ching H HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH mmccall@emory.edu
Jesper Nilsson // dat92jni@ludat.lth.se or jesper@df.lth.se